necco.love

Just today, as I am about to hand out one award, I am given another by Frances @ A Carpet Full of Holes. You see how difficult this is all getting now, but I must thank Frances for the award, because it is a very pretty one and I am most thankful for it.

You can all see what a lovely award this is and I am quite taken with it. I need to look at it for a bit and really let it soak in. My, I am lucky aren’t I, but again, there is the difficult task for me to hand it out to other people and you know how hard I find that to do. So, please forgive me if I think about that for awhile, maybe at the end of this post it will come to me and I will hand out the other award too. Some things need their time to incubate and handing out awards is one of those things. I also realize that, the longer I put it off, the harder it is going to be, so I mustn’t hesitate too long.

I had a really good appointment at the out care clinic yesterday, so I am glad that I didn’t cancel it and went anyway. You see what a little bit of courage received from your SPN is good for. It was a long appointment. It lasted for an hour and a half and we really covered a lot of ground. In order to offer me the right kind of therapies, the woman who interviewed me had to know a lot about me and about my life’s experiences and they are many and intense. So, needless to say, many things were talked about, but it wasn’t done in a negative draining sort of way and I didn’t feel bad and sad afterwards for having had to talk about all of these things.

There are a lot of possibilities and she is thinking of putting together a made to measure package where I do different sorts of activities on different days instead of putting me into a specific group. There is, for example, a group for depressed people, which may be a bad choice for me as we move into springtime and possibly hypo mania. It wouldn’t be good to sit there with very sad and somber people if I am rocking and rolling through the day. She gave me a booklet that describes the different activities and I have another appointment with her next week, when we will decide definitely on what I will do. So it all looks good so far.

When I finally came home, I had a good mug of coffee and then took Jesker for a long walk which we both enjoyed a lot and which Eduard was happy about when he got home, so he didn’t have to take Jesker out and he could take off his shoes and put on his slippers and get comfortable.

I took a nap in the afternoon, but because I have cut down on the Oxazepam, I had a terrible dream that was full of anxiety and I woke up quite disturbed and it took me awhile to get my thoughts back to normal. I took the 10 mg Of Oxazepam a little early and then I was alright again and was so for the rest of the day, even when Eduard had to work at night. If I am not comfortable with myself, I don’t like for Eduard to be gone at night, but lately I have been okay with it and I manage fine.

All three of our cats are lovely, but Gandhi is the most affectionate and she follows us wherever we go, because she likes to get petted a lot. Whenever we walk into the kitchen, she hops onto the counter, because it is a good place to get attention and get petted and draw our attention to the fact that new milk needs to be poured in the dish. She is just a very affectionate cat, which is really amazing, because we didn’t get her until she was two years old and the others we have had since they were kittens. Nouri is also affectionate and so is Toby, but they are more independent and go their own way more and are together a lot. Gandhi is the odd girl out and comes to us and Jesker, who likes her best of all the cats, so that is a good thing.

I have found a new weblog by someone who was born in Glasgow, but lives in Norway, and is of Turkish descent, if I am not mistaken. She writes lovely posts and I have read many of her older ones and you can find her here. I do so enjoy finding new blogs, but it does add to my reading list, which is getting longer and longer and if I am also going to be doing these therapeutic activities, I am going to have to manage my days differently. I also do need to get some sleep.

The stress I had been feeling, is completely gone and I really owe that to my SPN, as she talked me out of it completely, so I must remember to thank her for that next week. It is such a relief to feel it gone and to not have this anxiety for no reason. It makes it easier to cut down on the Oxazepam and to not feel that I have to take more of it when something becomes the teeniest bit difficult. I don’t want my inner child to think it can not handle every day events without it falling apart. I must be able to handle the ordinary ups and downs of life that everybody goes through, even though I know that for me that is a little bit harder. That is one of the goals of the therapeutic activities that I am going to undertake.

Well, as you can see, I have come to the end of my post without handing out the awards, so I will make a promise to do that tomorrow and keep you in suspense another day, but I am sure that you will be alright with that. Eduard and the animals are getting up now, so I must close up shop.

You all have a lovely day and enjoy the fact that it is Friday, Yippee! Ciao…

P.S. Image courtesy of John Mora.