night.fall

I had a bit of a psychoses yesterday morning, when I became more and more convinced that what I had dreamed was real and that is was a fact and not a delusion and I became very sure of it, until Eduard woke up and I told him all about it and he sowed doubt in my mind and told me to take an anti psychotic, which I then eventually did. Then I fell asleep on the sofa and when I woke up, I was less convinced and more sure that I was hallucinating and I called my SPN and she told me that it sometimes happens that certain people under stress will lose their grip on reality and start believing things that are not real.

I called the out clinic and left a message on the voice mail to let them know that I would not be there for the creative therapy. The rest of the day I felt odd and awkward and in the afternoon I had a hard shift downward and I put my pajamas on and took 25 mg of Oxazepam and went to bed, just as it says to do on the sign on the coffee table: “Take a pill and go to sleep.” I slept from 3:30 pm until 9 pm and then was up for about 30 minutes, but I went back to sleep and didn’t wake up again until some hours later and finally felt back to “normal” again.

So, you can see that I am not handling this upcoming change in my life well. I knew I was a bit nervous, but I didn’t realize it was impacting me so much. I am seeing my SPN this morning at ten o’clock and will have a discussion with her about it all, but as things stand now, I have very serious doubts about upsetting my life and starting the therapeutic classes. I am sure she will try to convince me of the contrary and make me see that it will be good for me, but I don’t see how it will be, as I have been doing so well for the past weeks and have just yesterday gotten out of whack again.

Alright then, I will write about this more after I have spoken with her, as I can’t say many more sensible things about it now. I just don’t want to lose my reasonable state of mental health.

I have, very kindly, been awarded the “Busy Bee Award” by Babaloo of Fairymix.com. She thinks I have been busy as a bee. This award was just created by Tom Foolery, so it is a really new award and it is just starting its round amongst us bloggers and I think Babaloo was the second recipient.

Of course, I must hand this out to you other busy bees, so I must have a look at my blog roll and see who else has been especially hard working.

Okay, I am going to give this ward to Ann, Kaycie, Maggie, The Rotten Correspondent, Andrea and Laurie. No ifs, ands and buts about it.

By now it has become early in the morning and with a little bit of luck, I’ll be able to sleep just a few more hours before I have to go see my SPN. Eduard had to work last night and didn’t come home until very late and I did get to seem him then. We had a brief encounter in the living room. I was on my way to the kitchen and he was on his way to the bedroom. Such stuff modern marriages are made of. Well, we did see each other in the afternoon, so it wasn’t as bad as all that.

This is possibly not the longest post I’ve ever written, but I feel that I have written enough for now and I will end it with the promise that I’ll try to write more tomorrow, after I hope that today will have been a more interesting day. That is not to say that in many ways yesterday wasn’t for me. It was just sort of exhaustive. It’s not one of those days that you want to repeat that often, although the hallucinating part had some of its own fascination. For a while it was hard to sit behind the computer because of the little rabbit people.

Have yourself a great day. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do and don’t do anything I would do. Ciao…

P.S. Image courtesy of John Mora.