In Between.

I can’t write about my memories all the time. My head will get stuck in them and sometimes that is not a pleasant feeling, depending on the memories. Instead, I will write about what is going on right now.

I had told you all very proudly that I had stopped taking the Temazepam during the day. Well, as of yesterday I am back on it. It didn’t quite work out the way I had hoped and I am still not back to normal. The first days there were no problems, then I got a hypo manic mood and after that I went to hell in a hand basket with obsessive thoughts and feelings of panic. I tried to keep my wits about me, but found it very hard and finally decided to go back to the Temazepam, which is slowly bringing back some peace inside of me.

I am not a happy camper. There are too many insecurities in my life right now. I still don’t have my rent and medical care subsidies. I don’t know how much my next welfare check is going to be and if it will be enough to live on, and I got word from the Sonoma County Courthouse that my notarization for the request for the marriage certificate is not good enough. On top of that the dog and the cats have fleas.

The last problem is easiest to fix and I am working on that right now with special products and lots of vacuuming and the washing of various items. I will have that problem taken care of in the shortest time.

I also thought last month that I would go with a different Internet provider, but that turned into one great big hassle with nothing but problems, so at the last minute, I decided to stay with the one I had and canceled the cancellation. At the time they told me that would be no problem, but I am waiting today for them to pull the plug on me anyway and leave me without Internet and telephone and cable TV. It will be a small miracle if everything does keep working. Light a candle for me, will you?

Such are the woes and worries of every day life and when I wasn’t taking the Temazepam I began to obsessively worry and panic about these things and could not look at them objectively and rationally anymore.

I thought the dog had a skin condition, because I never saw a flea and he scratched very selectively. I very innocently took him to the vet who soon set me straight and sent me home with a bunch of products that seem to be doing the job well.

I do notice that the Uberhund is panting a lot when we go for walks. I blamed it on the hot weather, but this morning he was doing it again and it was still cool outside. I have to keep an eye on that and see how it develops. I am thinking heart, lungs, and want to have it investigated, but I won’t run to the vet yet, because the Uberhund doesn’t enjoy it very much and we were just there.

The Exfactor and I are developing a normal relationship. he can come here for a cup of coffee and take care of whatever business needs to be taken care of and we can sit and chat and exchange thoughts in a very reasonable way. He is even starting to feel comfortable enough so he will talk about the Paramount on occasion and that is fine with me. He doesn’t have to keep that part of his life a secret from me. It isn’t necessary. I am not jealous and not out to put her in a bad daylight.

I do see that, of the two of us, I have changed the most. He is still his usual self and i don’t know if that is good, but maybe in the circle of friends that he finds himself in that is okay and he is accepted. He is still very reactionary and radical and sometimes hotheaded about issues. An anarchist a bit, whereas I am much more conventional and middle of the road, although I do have my opinions and I do swing to the left, but that is nothing special in the Netherlands. I am just an ordinary Dutch socialist woman.

Well, I must be off to the post office and the grocery store. My favorite place to hang out. There is always that endless supply of milk to get and the dog and cat food.

You all have a most pleasant day.

Ciao…