Please follow me back to blogger, where there are a few more creative possibilities.
See you there!
Please follow me back to blogger, where there are a few more creative possibilities.
See you there!
On a whim I’ve signed up with Twitter, because I read about someone else doing it. The problem is that I don’t personally know of anyone else who is signed up also, so it is kind of lonely out there. If you want to sign up and you are looking for me, my user name is ‘brightandsunny’. You know how impulsive I get and how I always want to try something new and hope that I will get some sort of thrill out of it. You didn’t know that about me maybe? That I am secretly a thrill seeker? In the very small sense of the word, of course. i only do it if the outcome is safe. That’s something I have learned as i’ve gotten older, to not take the really big risks.
Something is going on with my mood and it has been happening since Wednesday morning. I feel a decided slant of disagreeability sneaking in. I feel like arguing and there is an amount of negativity in there also. I am not so thrilled anymore with things and maybe that is why I joined Twitter, but who knows? I am negative about things that I was positive about before and doubtful about things I was sure of before and the thing is, that I know that I am not having a change of mind, but a change of mood and I have to be careful not to confuse the two and I have to not make any important decisions when my mood is negative like this, that’s the main thing to remember.
I think I am getting a bit dysphoric, meaning: a state of dissatisfaction, anxiety, restlessness, or fidgeting.
You will remember that I have had these sort of moods in the past, though I must emphasize that the restlessnes and fidgeting play no role here at all and the anxiety is at a minimum. I am just disagreeable to the point of being rude. I feel like being rude and disagreeable and not giving a damn. Like that is perfectly okay. Can you think of a better place to exhibit such behavior than on the Internet? Instantaneous gratification.
I have not heard anything from my daughetr yet, but assume that all is well. She had told me that if possible, she would get hold of her father, who lives in Oregon, but it turns out that I don’t have the correct phone numbers for him. So I am going to call her again later today, although I have not much hope of getting hold of her. I wil watch the live broadcast again later this afternoon, even though it is pretty meaningless and doesn’t help me a lot personally. It does give me a general idea of how things are there.
The sun is shining today, but it is very deceptive, because it is cold outside and fall has really begun now. I were a sweater under my jeans jacket and I am postponing wearing my wintercoat, which is not much thicker. I may have to invest in a warmer winter coat with good pockets for all the stuff I always carry with me. House and bike keys, kleenexes, poop baggies, odd change, mobile phone, my wallet if it will fit. I’d like to go through life without a purse, if at all possible, but sometimes I don’t manage that. My purse always slides off my shoulder and I feel like such an old lady clutching it in my hands.
There must have been some mix up somewhere and I got an invitation from the center for work and income to apply for a job as hostess at a healthclub answering phones, receiving customers, serving drinks, and answering questions about memberships. I am sure they were thinking of the wrong person and, besides, I am not to apply for any kind of job until January, when I enter into some sort of program to get back into the labor force after having been out of it for a very long time and also with special aid as a psychiatric patient entering the labor force again. I emailed back stating as much and have not heard anything since then.
When In Babylon, do not act like the Babylonians and do confusing and irrational things.
My dear and most true Überhund is bored and he translates this into meaning that he must want to go out, although it is not time to, but to make his life bearable, I will now take him for a short spin around the block, so I will see you in a while.
Well, it turned into a long spin around the blog and I am always secretly proud that the Überhund stays on the narrow sidewalk by the busy street and never wanders into the traffic, even though I don’t shorten his leash. He does know where the sidewalk ends. Also, some gentle tugs and one command from me get him going in the right direction, so he is full of goodwill. I think that tug of war that we had at the beginning, when the Exfactor had just moved out, was won by me.
I am now using the Google reader again to stay updated on the latest blogs, after I had developed a problem with it, which is now solved. It does save you a lot of senseless clicking around. I am going to add some new blogs to my blogroll, I will try and remember to do that after I have finished this. I find blogs of note does not always give you such very good blogs, but sometimes there is something there that is interesting. I am still waiting to show up there myself one of these days. I am not humble, am I?
I have put a bandage around my arm where I had those two scabs that I kept bothering and even now it’s hard not to mess with them. I want to scratch them when I exchange the bandage, but the little wounds are healing. The Exfactor had an enormous scab on his knee that had to be dissolved with some special plaster, because there was an infection underneath it. I would have had a field day with that one. I don’t know how he could stand not picking it off.
Well, now I am going to try once again to figure out that famous widget of the Black Box that everyone is so lyrical about. I could not get it to work on WordPress, but maybe there is a way I can do it after all. I am nothing else if not stubborn. WordPress does have it’s limitations, which makes me sometimes long for blogger and I have to give it a long hard think about what I want to do, maybe switch back again? We”ll see.
Have yourself a good Sunday.
As I write this, my daughter is being besieged in Houston by the back end of hurricane Ike. I have been following it live on http://www.khou.com/video. She was one of the people who was advised not to evacuate, leaving the freeways clear for the people who did have to evacuate. I haven’t talked to her since last night when she was making the last preparations for the hurricane to come in. She had taped the windows, so they would not shatter, and had gotten all sorts of supplies from the store. I am trying to understand all the information I am hearing on the live reporting, but I am unfamiliar with a lot of the areas and neighborhoods that they are describing. I will try to call her later this evening and try to find out how she is doing. I am sure she is fine, being the eternal optimist that i am. They are without power and I may not be able to get a hold of her. We”ll see.
In the meantime, I am sitting here quite uselessly waiting for the delivery person to get here and isn’t it always so that when you are waiting specifically for them to come, they show up at the end of the afternoon, when it could have been any time of the day. I just walked the Überhund, because he had to go out and I taped a note to the door saying that I would be back in the shortest amount of time, but she did not come. I need to go to the store to buy tobacco and hope she gets here before the store closes. It’s all a bit a pain in the neck, but nothing compared to hurricane Ike, of course.
This morning I was out briefly, but I knew my neighbor was home and I know the delivery person would have left the packages with her if she had not found me home. I had coffee and a little piece of pie with my sister and her in laws and even the tiny little piece of pie was too much and I had to make an emergency trip to the bathroom. But it tasted good going down and I learned another lesson after having had my gastric band filled recently. There is always a period of adjustment when I have to learn again how much I can eat.
It’s now 8 PM and I’ve tried to call my daughter, but I only got her voice mail. I am sure she is fine though, going by my maternal instincts. I refuse to picture all sorts of worst case scenarios in my head. Besides, it seems that the hurricane didn’t do as much damage as they had expected. I will see this positively.
The delivery person didn’t show up and I have a sneaking suspiscion that she was here this morning while I was out, while she normally does not get here until noon or later. Oh well, she will be back on Monday, I am sure.
Now rests to me the task to tell you something entertaining and I don’t have one bloody entertaining thing to tell you. Frankly, my dears, I am going to put on my pajamas and make myself comfortable on the sofa and watch the silly box for a while. I’ve just walked the Überhund and that will have to do for tonight, he can piddle out back if he wants to later.
So ciao to you and you and you and you…
I haven’t done a bloody thing all day, except for walk the Überhund numerous times at odd hours, sleep on the sofa several times, and get my hair cut in a really funky ‘boy do I look good’ style. Sometimes I sat on the sofa in an upright position with a cup of coffee and a cigarette and I would catch myself falling asleep with my head having fallen forward as if I was a rag doll that was falling apart.
Now, this is normal for me in the spring and in the fall, to go through these strange sleeping patterns. Last night I was up in the middle of the night, sitting behind the computer, doing things, and then I woke up with a sore head where it had been laying on the ridge of the keyboard. I do spooky things in the middle of the night again, but luckily, I had the good sense to go to bed and go back to sleep like a normal person and sleep until 7 AM. Still, that did not prevent me from feeling that I had to sleep some more during the day. I am like a cat, aren’t I?
I had a most wonderful time at the hairdresser, but I had already told you that I enjoy going there to watch the women get their hair done. I am always truly amazed at what a good hairdo will do for a woman, no matter how bad looking she is, but that may be the unflattering light around the mirrors that makes me say that. It does reflect you back in all your most basic glory. You need to squint when you look at yourself, or be extremely forgiving. Especially when you sit there with wet hair and a towel around your neck, you have a tendency not to look your best and you have to put on a brave smile and not be embarrassed in front of the rest of the customers. Even your well applied make up doesn’t look that good anymore.
Wel, you know, you grow up and you learn these things and you deal with them and you hope that when you are done you will have a brilliant haircut and that you will not have to sneak home to redo your hair quickly in the bathroom before anyone can see you and laugh at you. I happen to have a very good hairdresser who cuts my hair just the way I want it and we see eye to eye on what looks good. She never fails me. She is a treasure, but no matter what, newly cut hair is just that and you always want to fiddle with it to get it just right. I brushed mine two hours after I got home and then fixed it as close to how I wanted it as I could get it, but it won’t be perfect until tomorrow when I have slept on it one night. I don’t know why that is, it just is.
I talked to the Exfactor on the phone and told him that what I miss about not being married is the ability to tell each other the every day stories about the every day occurences involving the Überhund and the Minion cats. So very often I want to tell him something and then I don’t know if I should call him and share that particular story with him or not. It’s a little bit like having lost a very good friend. I suppose that we will work out some sort of working solution to this that will be non threatening and non invasive to the both of us. I don’t think either one of us has found another person to replace us with in that manner.
When I ask the Überhund if he wants to eat and I get out the bag of dog food, he walks away indignantly if he does not want to eat, so that message is very clear. There is no mistaking that. He stays away until he is sure that I’ve put the dog food away again. Since he is overweight, it is okay if he doesn’t want to eat twice a day, like he did yesterday. He had some little snacks today and a bowl of food and I guess that was enough.
I totally don’t recognize my sister in her new car. This afternoon she practically ran over me and honked her horn before I realized it was she. She is always coming and going and doesn’t have a peaceful bone in her body, she is so the opposite of me. She is very restless and always has to be doing things and have a full calender. I am more of the slow and contemplative kind. She is more of the fast and impulsive kind. She was 10 years old when I left home, so I have no idea why she turned out the way she did. I missed all that part of her growing up and didn’t come back to the Netherlands until she was 32 years old. I did see her in those years, of course, but I really got to know her once I was back here again. In some ways we are neurotically alike, in other ways we are very different. Of course, I am older and that makes a difference too.
I have official confirmation now that I am getting rent and healthcare subsidies. It came in the mail today and I am so relieved about that, because paying the full rent and the full health insurance fees has been expensive with the kind of money I have coming in. I will celebrate with a glass of wine once the money is in my bank account.
I have decided this afternoon to exchange the black cardigan for a smaller size. The one I had ordered was a little bit too big, I thought, I was not quite happy with it and arranged to have it picked up and have the other one delivered tomorrow. i think that is also the day that my ankle boots will be delivered so it will be a fun day all around. Oh, I do so love new items of clothing. I am a real woman, if there was any doubt about that. I may have been a tomboy when I was a kid, but somewhere in my thirties, my female genes kicked into action something fierce. I love and adore clothes, although I don’t spend a fortune on them, I am a frugal shopper. I like feminine things. I like necklaces and lacy bras and perfumes and pretty tunics and dresses. I love colors, besides basic black. Every once in a while I buy something that just doesn’t work out, but mostly I do a fair job. My mother would have been proud of me.
Well, now I am going to take this newly done haircut and the rest of me to the bedroom to get my pajamas on and then I am going to veg out in front of the silly box for some mindless TV watching. Soon enough, I’ll fall asleep and have to drag myself to my cozy bed. The Überhund has already gone there to lie on his pillow.
How wonderful that tomorrow the weekend starts. How sad that I will have to vacuum the whole apartment.
The new header is a slice of a piece of art done by John Mora, a favorite artist of mine, and I asked his permission to use it. Here is the complete piece.
I spent a large part of the morning sleeping on the sofa with my clothes on, because I had every intention to be fully functional, but after every little job I did I was overcome by tiredness and I just had to go lie down and the minute I did, I was sound asleep and didn’t wake up until an hour later when I would do another little job and repeat the performance. Just now I was sitting behind the computer doing a repetitive job and I was nodding off again, until the Überhund came to warn me that it was time to go for a walk and that cleared the cob webs out of my head, leaving me dying for a cup of coffee and a cigarette and that’s what I am having now.
I wonder how much your desire to sleep, and not being abe to fullfill that desire, influences your mood? I bet it does a lot. I feel chemically imbalanced when I have a shortage of sleep, I literally feel that I am not functioning properly, as if i am a technical appliance that has lose wiring. That is even when I think I have slept enough, but for some reason my body wants more sleep than I am supplying it with.
I think it is the time of year. The changing of the weather and the light and the fluctuation of the season. The leaves are starting to change colors on some of the trees. It is a season of hesitation.
I had to interrupt this briefly, because the Überhund let me know he had to go out again and he was right, he did have to go out again, he had a big message to do, as we say here. Clever dog. I take him out whenever he becomes very insistent, because I know he means serious business then and the patio won’t do. I don’t mind, it is a nice little extra walk around the block for me and the Überhund knows he can rely on me to listen to him.
Oh lord, I am yawning something awful and I do have to last the rest of the evening. It’s not supposed to be bedtime yet. I am going to make it a point to stay up for the 8 o’clock news at least, I should be able to last that long. Maybe some food will wake me up. I try to think of very exciting things to eat, but at this stage of the ballgame there is not much exciting left. I did buy two cartons of very good juice and I have been enjoying drinking that cold from the refrigerator and it is ever so thirst quenching.
I try to make my eating life as interesting as I can, but sometimes it’s a puzzlement. I’m not supposed to eat foods high in calories, so i really shouldn’t eat those puddings I like so much and that go down so easy. Yogurt and curd are good, but I try not to buy them too often, because of the temptation factor of eating too much of them. Ice cold milk from the fridge is very good. I love to drink that. I haven’t had a piece of cheese in ages. I hardly know what an apple tastes like or a pear.
I just gave the Überhund his second bowl of food for the day and he ate it all. This is unheard of. He used to barely finish what I gave him before and only very reluctantly. Just now he barked for a while to make sure some cats showed up that would show some interest in his food. Then he chased them away by growling very hard at them and then he ate his food. He is nothing if not a clever dog.
I am wearing my size 44 tunic. This is the first sized 44 top that I have bought, I have bought sized 44 jeans, but this is the first top in this size that i have bought. This makes me very hopeful. Size 46 is now just a bit to big on me. The black cardigan came today and it is a size 46 and it is a little big, but that will be good for this winter when I will be layering it. I have to get used to seeing my contours and realize that’s not a bad thing. I see women that are really fat wearing tight fitting clothes that are very unflattering and I don’t want to look like that. I think you should always wear the clothes that most flatter your figure. And decorate, I’m a great believer in decorating.
Tomorrow I am getting my hair cut a little bit, nothing drastic, just to get it back in it’s most flattering shape again. It’s been 6 weeks since I last had it cut, so it is time. I have been wearing it wild and unruly, as if I have been in a bit of a storm and everybody likes it. Of course, it is carefully styled that way with the help of a good hairspray. I suppose it looks like bedroom hair, but you would not want to run your fingers through it, but then nobody is allowed to. I could poke somebody’s eye out.
The vet is either always flabbergasted or he is flabbergasted by me. He falls al over his own words when he speaks to me, but I have been unable to observe him with other people. We are theeing and thouing eachother, we are not on familiar terms. He doesn’t know my name, as the Überhund is signed up under the Exfactor’s name, who pays for the bills. An intriguing bit of pandemonium. He is not even very handsome, but I enjoy the game.
Okay, that’s the end of this ramble. I am going to make myself something to eat and get ready to watch the news.