I got up a few times during the night, each time thinking very optimistically that I was truly awake and settling myself behind the computer, only to find myself nodding off to the point that I had to hurry back to bed to sleep a while longer. This time, however, I think I am really awake and I have made myself a large mug of Senseo and I am smoking my first cigarette of the morning. These are the small pleasures that make getting up so enjoyable, at least when you are really and truly awake and not in danger of setting fire to yourself and your nice red bathrobe.
I am becoming quite proficient at sleeping, when before I had such a hard time doing it. I’ve come to love going to bed with a good book and getting all snug under the duvet and reading for a while. Within a short amount of time I fall asleep and stay asleep, except for those moments when I wake up and out of habit get up when I should just stay in bed and read my book for a little while. That’s the stubborn mule in me, no doubt, being all cheerful and full of good intentions in the middle of the night, thinking I am going to do all sorts of things but sleep.
Now it is morning and I am the first one up. Jesker and Eduard are asleep in the bedroom and I don’t see the cats, so they are probably piled on top of the bed as well.
I am full of anticipation of the day, as my psychiatrist has increased my dosage of Oxazepam from 10 mg to 25 mg and I hope it will give me the peace and quiet I am so desperately seeking. I am still allowed my naps during the day and as a matter of fact, am allowed to withdraw to the bedroom with a book whenever things become overwhelming. I think this is a good strategy, because it works and it is so nice to know that there is a safe place to take a time out.
Yesterday, I was full of good intentions and said to Eduard that I was going to vacuum the whole apartment. Then I kept putting it off by doing other little jobs and it was obvious that I was not going to vacuum. So Eduard, being the good sport that he is, took the vacuum cleaner out of the closet and vacuumed the whole apartment for me. I was ever so grateful, because it really needed to get done and I had been putting it off as a job that was too complicated and one that would cause me all sorts of stress. He did a really great job and even vacuumed under the bed. That was over and beyond the call of duty, because I don’t vacuum there myself. He’s a peach.
My schedule is sort of funny now and I don’t have a steady time when I read all those blogs that I do. Whenever I have a spare moment and I am in the proper mood, I sit down behind the computer and start reading. I read until I am saturated and turn the computer off and go and do something else. As a matter of fact, I have decided not to stick to closely to any sort of schedule at all, but just a general one where I take my medicines on time and sleep at night, but all the other hours I fill as I need them to be filled. Whatever my mood dictates at any particular time, I do. If I need rest, I rest, if I need to be active, I am active.
When I called my SPN yesterday to ask for help, she contacted my psychiatrist and I thought, in my panicky mind, that they were going to suggest that I go to the hospital to be observed and treated. I already had visions of myself packing my bags and making the short trip over there. Not that I wanted to go there, but I thought maybe that was the only solution. I was very relieved when she called back and told me that I could just increase my medication. If it is at all possible, I want to manage at home and not be cared for at the hospital, even though that is not such a horrible place to be.
Well, I am going to see what the day has in store for me now. I will take my medicines and have another mug of coffee and contemplate my navel for a while. In a short time, Jesker and Eduard will be up and then it will not be so quiet here anymore.
Have a terrific day, everybody. Ciao…
P.S. I have been awarded the “You Make My Day Award” again by John of typos.daylight.fate and I am more than pleasantly surprised by that, as I then realized that I should have awarded him myself in the first place. John makes wonderful digital art on his blog and isn’t afraid to push things to the limit and beyond. If you haven’t visited him yet, I suggest you go over there and have a look and see what his work is all about. Thank you, John.
congratulations Irene.
I think you will be ok, you can write about your sleeping problems in a natural way, its always interesting to read.
I slept too long today. Made new curtains for the windows. I sleep in the studio there is always so much light. When I woke up this morning I thought it was midnight.
Very heavy head now. Go for a long walk with Tommy and have to paint and engrave the name in my new glass, need coffee, coffee
Have a nice day hope your day in the south is more sunny than here in the foggy grey north
I love your quirky source of mandala subjects. Who would have thought of using these? But they obviously have the potential, being so colourful and with many different lines.
Glad that you have the medication sorted out. Eduard is truly a peach(!) for doing your vacuuming. This is quite an obscure and almost archaic English meaning of the word, and demonstrates your facility with different languages.
I like your stratgey of not having a schedule, other than meds…sometimes we become too focused on “schedule” and that can create a whole other stress level that we don’t need.
Glad things are looking up and I love that you are starting the day with open possibilities and a fresh perspective.
the way you monitor yourself and cut yourself some slack and have your quiet place to go for down time…i so admire how you are handling all of this, as difficult as it is. you always sound so measured in your blog, and i think that’s the key: your self-awareness and self-monitoring is so wise of you.
congratulations on the double award!
This mandala has very pretty colors and there are some little points that look almost like diamonds. The words on the fruit boxes add to the pleasing effect.
I hope that the increase in Oxazepam helps you level out and get the rest you need. I know this is hard for you and I pray that with the coming spring you will blossom into health right along with the tulips.
What a good man to do the vacuuming after putting in a day at work. Bless him!
Today is grocery shopping day at Walmart and so I must get through my blog readings and out the door.
Have a great day, dear Irene and I’ll be praying that God blesses you in every way.
p.s. Thank you for the make my day award. It means a lot to me and I will post it on my blog soon.
Hello!
Worderful artwork my friend
I wish the best for you!
Keep well dear woman.
You have virtual admiration and support from all around the world. The days are beginning to lengthen, we will have more light soon and your hibernation will be relieved. You know you will be back to your energetic self, so relax and enjoy the fact that you can and that Eduard does support you and will help whenever you cannot cope. After all, it is your home, you should live within it as you please, sometimes the superwoman and sometimes the lady of leisure. Still producing beautiful designs from interesting pictures.
Best wishes to both of you and hope you can make the most of down time without too many sad moments. Your SPN is a good woman to have about. Keep well.
Lovely Mandala – exotic almost like a tropical bird’s tail. Your work can mimic the beauty of nature, even when it is boxes to be discarded.
Have a good day, my friend. You understand beauty and also cats.
Though you always say in your post title what the mandala was created from, it is always a fun surprise to me to see the photo at the end! Love this one, Irene. It is so gorgeous and fantastic to gaze into.
I am happy for you that you can be home and work with your doctor from there. I like that you are allowing yourself time to rest and heal. Good for you!
You sound better today Irene. That is good. A good day.
Did I tell you that my brother is bipolar? He was at rock bottom and I feared for his life every single day. But now he is almost back to normal again – most days. It has been a very long 4 years of trying to get him stabilized.
What he is doing is combining the vitamins from http://www.truehope.com with his meds. At the moment that is working extremely well. What he is hoping to do is decrease the meds and increase the vitamins. He has dropped a number of meds for others over the years as they try to stabilize him. So I am more than happy to see him so well.
He also meditates every day. A form of cognitive brain therapy. I have wondered about this for some time – and it is also helping him immensely.
There is hope – wonderful hope – for the future. For clear, un-muddled days where there is no stress for you.
Thinking of you again today –
Congratulations on another award!! A perfect award for you and I can see why it was given to you.
I am glad that you are not going to the hospital and they are going to try to increase the medication. Staying at home is a much better option. Your posts sounds like you are feeling much better.
I think just keep taking it day by day, the ups with the downs and blogging when you can. Your mandala is brillant. Love your eye for color, the details are so beautiful.
I hope you sleep all through the night tonight. Are you eating ok?
Thank you for your positive comments on the girl’s rooms. It means a lot coming from someone with your artistic ability and all the home improvement projects that you have been doing.
XOXOX
Hi Irene,
That is wonderful that you have gotten this You Make My Day twice!! That is great! You deserve it!
I am glad you can manage this at home … much preferable when it works (again, speaking from my own experience)
~ Diane Clancy
http://www.dianeclancy.com/blog