Multifaceted Monday

Green Leaf

Very early Monday morning. I woke up, “walked” into the living room, turned on the computer and then sat there like a zombie with my eyes half closed and drool coming out of my mouth. I realized I needed to sleep some more and stumbled over to the sofa, that is literally the word for it, laid down and was instantly asleep again. I’ve stopped drooling and my eyes are wide open and I can even hold on to a thought, so I think I may be awake now.

Jesker has decided that he needs to go out for a piddle now in the middle of the night, every night. He very impatiently starts pacing right beside me and if I ignore him he starts to make urgent little sounds. If I ask him if he needs to piddle, he barks once, so I let him out immediately, so as to not awaken the neighbors. He disappears into the dark, but if I listen carefully, I really do hear him piddle, so it’s not a trick just to get a treat. Afterwards, he goes to his pillow beside the bed and goes back to sleep with not a worry on his mind.That does explain his impatient presence beside my side of the bed when I get up a bit later than usual. My slow middle of the night mind had not put those two things together yet. Duh! I thought he just liked me very much!

Sitting behind the computer is becoming quite a chore with me slouching to the right all the time, but it does not stop me from doing so, that’s how dedicated I am. I actually have sore muscles on the left side from trying to sit up straight. I keep trying to invent new ways to sit in this chair so I won’t slouch, but I haven’t figured it out yet, slouch I will. Eduard timed how long I would last upright in bed yesterday and it took one minute for me so start slouching to the right. I was leaning into two pillows and drinking a mug of decaf, so it was in my interest to stay upright.

I looked at the insert to the medication that was last added and increased to my inventory off, but it didn’t mention this kind of problem as a side effect, so next I will read all the inserts to all the other medications. You start thinking of a type of neuralgia or MS even, but it is too much of a puzzlement to figure out on my own. We just don’t have those kinds of diseases run in our family anyway.

The Street

I used to have a medical book in the States with the most common diseases and I would read it and diagnose myself all the time with having all sorts of diseases. This was before I knew that I was manic depressive and I tended to have vague physical ailments, some of which had real causes and some of which didn’t. Anyway, every week I had discovered a new disease that I had, because I became convinced that I had all the symptoms. I saw that GP a lot and he became convinced that I was a mad woman, thereby missing the diagnosis of severe endometriosis for which I had to have surgery and a bad case of hypothyroidism, because I had cried wolf too often.

Nowadays I tend to ignore my body and be aware of my mind more often and I don’t see my GP that much, although I had to when I developed diabetes from being overweight and saw him when I wanted to stop living and very seriously asked him to help me step out of life with the help of the right medications, which he refused to do, so I had to take what I had in my possession and failed.

He misdiagnosed my problem with my eyes, which turned out to be caused by too much thyroid medication and which I had to solve myself. That bothers me. That’s why I am worried about going to him about my back and I asked Eduard to come with me as a witness to it, because he sees it happening all the time. I am always afraid of being not taken seriously enough.

I diagnosed my own diabetes and just had him confirm it, even though I had come with some complaints earlier about being thirsty and having to piddle a lot, amongst other things, and always being tired. I guess I don’t have a lot of faith in GP’s, but in the Netherlands, you don’t get to see a specialist unless you have been referred by a GP. I should probably see a neurologist if I am not mistaken.

Anyway…

The Plague House

Let’s not get all morbid here, Irene! Really! There are so many other things to talk about. Yes, but are they always on my mind? I have some other kinds of memories on my mind this early morning, because I dreamed about my ex again and I must do that about two to three times a month, so you see how I am not done with that at all. In my dreams, I am always angry at him and tell him all the things I didn’t say when I should have, because he was such a nice guy who wore a big sign around his neck that said, “Please don’t kick me.”

He was so full of incompetence as a partner that it still boggles my mind and I try to solve that in my dreams. Being married to a passive-aggressive person is the worst thing that can happen to you, because they don’t fight fair and square. You aren’t ever supposed to get angry at them, because they are so nice and they do their best and everybody is on their side, because they are such kind and jovial guys. Argh! Stay away from them as far as you can!

Uh oh, I think maybe I am married to a nice guy now, but there must be quite a difference in type, because I don’t feel all suffocated and strangled and I am allowed to get angry and he does reply to me. But yes, I am married to a nice guy, maybe that is why he is being recalcitrant right now. Hhhmmm…this needs further looking into. I mean, I came out of a two year relationship with a not so nice and very self centered person when I rediscovered Eduard. I was ready for nice.

Anyway…

City View

I am going to put this baby to bed, isn’t that what they say in the newspaper business? Or am I way behind the times? I’ve got some thinking to do.

“Slay many dragons, spare not a horse, save all the maidens, boredom is worse.”

Sing this to the tune of “Climb any mountain.”

Ciao, y’all…

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