Posts Tagged ‘award’

Well, it’s been another busy and eventful day here at he Pondorosa. On top of everything, the weather decided to be a scorcher, so we poor Dutch people were walking around with many body parts exposed and sitting at sidewalk cafés trying to find some refreshment. I am working on a cold bottle of Coca Coal myself, which is helping me quench my thirst and making my stomach region cold. The apartment is pretty cool, because I ‘ve kept most everything closed and the heat hasn’t had a change to sneak in. I just have some little top windows open for a little bit of circulation. An old trick I learned from a native Californian. Do not by all means throw open your doors and windows when it is hot outside. It will fill your house with heat and flies.

This morning I had my appointment with my SPN and i decided to be serious and not have one of those half baked conversations in which I say how great I am doing and then leave again. So, this time I really took my time to talk to her carefully and answer her questions with care. Her concern is that maybe I am hypo manic and I keep having to tell her that, no I am not, I am functioning just fine and am standing with both feet on the ground. I rate myself at a 7, sometimes at an 8 when I am feeling especially good for a little while and sometimes at a 6 when things don’t go as planned, but mostly I am a 7. I don’t think that’s a grade to be concerned about.

I told her, there is nobody jubilating behind my eyes and thinking life is just one great big party and a dream I can’t wake up out of. I think everybody is surprised that I am doing as well as I am. They had expected a hopelessly helpless Irene who wouldn’t have known how to deal with the situation and instead they get this. A competent human being and then some.

We went and saw our divorce mediator this afternoon. We are on agreement on everything and now she is going to write a covenant, which is a divorce agreement between the Exfactor and me and when it is written, we will sign it and it will be presented to the judge, Then we will be divorced in two months time. That’s the normal legal time it takes. She said in the meantime we could consider ourselves divorced for all practical reasons.

The Exgactor and I get along splendidly for small portions of time, but i wouldn’t want to spend a whole afternoon with him, because he starts to irritate me with his lack of attention to detail and his absentmindedness. He forgets half of what you ask him to do, because he writes nothing down and it creates irritation with me who is a stickler for detail. It’s a good thing that we go our own way. We are avoiding a lot of stress this way. Imagine having to be reliant on someone who is so absentminded all the time. Hanging your life up to that particular hook. Very dangerous and unsettling. No doubt it was the source of a lot of my insecurity, because he would not relinquish control.

Well, enough said about that, that’s like getting old cows out of the ditch, as they say here.

I came home to an Uberhund who was very happy to see me, but we could only go for a little walk because it was so hot. The Uberhund would walk for miles, not realizing he was overdoing it and collapse by the side of the road somewhere and I would have to call the animal ambulance. I don’t even have their number in my mobile phone, a good one to add.

So instead we find ourselves here with him laying beside me on the cool floor and with me staying cool while typing this. I am listening to my favorite MP3 player, the one with the weirdest music. I like to wake up with it and go to sleep with it. It’s got I don’t know how many songs on it. Quite a few. Sometimes I listen to the more mainstream ones, when I am feeling more regular and mainstream. Sometimes I just have this need for very odd music. I go through a lot of batteries, but they are all rechargeable, so I am constantly recharging batteries.

I have a tendency to get very sleepy in the evening and start nodding off when i want to start reading blogs. I am going to give it a try now and see how far I will get. Have yourself a good rest of the day and enjoy your evening.


P.S. Here is something I had forgotten about but that needs to be addressed. Two very nice ladies have given me awards. Babaloo for Fairymix.com has given me this award:

And Debs from the Lehners in France has given me this very nice award:

Which leaves me in kind of a quandary. When I left blogger and I came to WordPress, I left all of my awards behind and you know how smitten I was with all of those awards. I gave them top billing on my blog and it was hard to miss them when you opened my page. I thought getting awards was very important and that it equaled being liked by people and being accepted and being appreciated.

Since I left all of my awards behind me, I have had a change of mind and I found out that i did not miss them and did not have the least inclination to import them to my new blog and show them off. I realized that they were no longer important to me and that having them was no longer a sign to me of being one of the gang of accepted and well liked people. That was my interpretation I put on it and it was no longer valid.

So, the next decision was, what to do about any future awards I might get, what would I do about them? Do I gracefully accept them and display them for a day and then get on with life?

I need to hand them out to deserving people, don’t I? But how do I choose, because everyone who reads my blog is a “deserving” person.

I could have a free for all and tell everyone to just take an award when they come upon one, but most people are bashful and will not do it. Nobody will just take an award when it is offered for free.

I have come to the decision not to accept any more awards and to not display them if I do happen to get one, no matter how special and beautiful it is. So, these two I am displaying now are the last two that I will. After that I am taking a page out of Stinking Billy’s book and am not going to clutter up the site with awards anymore, although my reasons may be different than his.

I realize that there are so many awards out there that sooner or later everyone will get at least one. But i say, lets just write for the fun of it and for the beauty of it and for the entertainment value of it and not bother with the awards. The awards lie in the readership and how moved it is by what you write and the comments that follow. That’s what my interpretation is going to be from now on anyway.


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Eduard’s new bike.

Friday evening, 6:30 PM. Eduard brought home a Super Woofer and two good speakers this afternoon and just hooked them up for me to the computer instead of the two little tinny speakers that were there. Then I turned on the Deezer soundtrack to my blog…



What is this beautiful sound coming out of my computer suddenly? I have been listening to this music all this time and I didn’t even know how terrific it was! I am hearing all sorts of sound effects that I didn’t even know were there and the acoustics! My God! Am I a lucky girl, or what?

Of course, Eduard wanted to turn on the 6 o’clock news, but I won’t let him, because I can’t stop listening to this wonderful music that is surrounding me and filling my head. What a shame that I have been so used to listening to music on those two pathetic little speakers all this time and thought that was good enough. I didn’t even know what real music sounded like! Go out and buy a good sound system for your computer, people, you will love yourself for it! I must admit that I have the bass turned up a little bit extra, but I love the sound and feel of that, as if it is an extra heart beat in and outside your body.

Well, goodness, I finally entered the 21st century. Hooray!

We took Jesker to the vet today and the vet could see for himself how well Jesker was doing with his osteoarthritis, so he gave him another 2 month supply of medication since it seems to work so well on him. We are very happy about that. What we are less happy about, is that he has what is hopefully a benign growth on one of the toes on his left front paw. If it doesn’t get better, or if it grows any bigger, he will need surgery on it. The vet gave us some spray that we have to apply to the growth constantly, as this will prevent Jesker from licking it and stimulating the growth. We should see it get less bright red and more pinkish and then hopefully shrink in size. If he has to have surgery, he probably is going to lose that toe.

So, that was not good news. We can’t have Jesker without all of his toes, after all. The poor guy. He was trembling when we were first in the examining room, but I told Eduard to just let him off the leash and that was much better. Jesker is pretty good about letting the vet examine him and the vet is a cool and relaxed guy who explains everything very calmly. Jesker is in good hands and so is our money.

Market Stall Pants.

I went to my first appointment with my physiotherapist this morning and she discovered that besides the bad discs in my lower back, I also have some bad discs halfway up my back, which come to think of later, I had been aware of but ignored. She wondered if I had been in an accident, but I told her as far as my memory allowed, I had not been. She worked my back some and had me do some exercises with her and when I left there, I really did feel better, but I have been feeling the pain in the middle of my back for the rest of the day.

I am not to vacuum or do any of those other kinds of jobs that require bending over and making repetitive movements like that. So, I said, “What, no sex?” No, I really didn’t! I have to take it easy for a while and be careful and do exercises every day and have therapy twice a week.

The not so nice surprise is, that our health insurance no longer has physiotherapy in its package, so we have to pay for it ourselves. It’s a real tragedy. Since we don’t have socialized medicine anymore and all the insurance is privatized, we pay three times the amount of insurance fees for less services. The country is going to the dogs. My sister and brother in law have already offered to pay for half the charges for the therapist, so I thought that was a pretty decent thing of them to do. That was my brother in law’s idea, so I owe him one.

Eduard and I had a wonderful cuddle moment in the afternoon, after which I fell asleep and I probably needed that, because I had been up since the wee hours. I can highly recommend cuddle moments in the afternoon, they are perfect as a prelude to a nap and I have to remember that tomorrow afternoon is Eduard’s afternoon off, so I have to seize the day when I can, strike the iron while it is hot, sort to say.

I will now be a good girl and turn the music down a bit and then turn it off completely so Eduard can watch the eight o’clock news. Talk at you later.

Market Stall Fabrics 2

Some time around midnight. I have been falling asleep on the sofa all evening, so now I am temporarily awake for awhile, although it may all be a trick of my body and before you know it I will be asleep behind the keyboard. I will depart very hastily if I feel that happening.

The physiotherapist taught me a neat trick to make sure I don’t start tipping over. She said just to make sure that I am sitting on both buns and not just on my right one. Easy as pie right? Except that I constantly catch myself just sitting on that one, so I have to push the weight down on the other one too and then I am fine. It’s called equal bun time, it’s like equal opportunity time… No, it’s not!

I am listening to my excellent quality sound music as I write this and I have to make some regular coffee, because I am yawning something awful. Other people would go to bed now, but not me, no sir, the music is too good. ..

Some hours later. Well, I did the smart thing and laid down on the sofa and slept for a few more hours.

And then I subsequently sit here for half an hour and wonder what I am going to write about. It isn’t that all kinds of thoughts aren’t going through my head, I just don’t know how to broach them and if I should.

Like the thought that my husband is going to spend the afternoon away from home and that I am not to talk about it, because that is the deal we made and that is the way it is going to work for us, especially me. That doesn’t mean that I let him go easily and that I am not curious about what he does and that I don’t want to know all the tiny details, even if it is better for me if I don’t and for all I know he is going to make a grand tour of the countryside or hang out with his art buddies in their big studio helping them with their big project.

The thing to keep in mind is that it is his afternoon in which he does what he wants, without having to explain himself to anyone, including, but most importantly, me. That could include seeing the other woman, but doesn’t necessarily have to be so.

He needs this afternoon in order not to feel suffocated by me and all his othe
r responsibilities, because he feels he carries a lot of those , out of proportion, on his back. When you are a rescuing knight in armor on your trusty steed, that will happen to you. It is called burn out. A burn out gets bloody hot when you wear armor all the time.

First and foremost I need to stop being a damsel in distress, I need to stop needing rescuing, because Eduard has a tendency to rescue me at the slightest possibility of danger. He rescues me before I need to be rescued. So, I need to make very clear that I need not be rescued any longer, although the age of chivalry is not dead, but that is something else altogether.

Eduard has a tendency to micro manage our lives, that includes my life, and he needs to stop taking on the responsibility over mine and keeping track of what I am supposed to do in my life. He doesn’t trust me enough to hand over the reigns when it comes to that. Imagine trying to keep track of two lives and the other one is a grown up also. That’s like taking care of a recalcitrant teenager. You won’t get the appreciation you think you deserve and you will get a lot of stress. You can’t micro manage the life of another adult.

You have to picture Eduard going through his whole life as this knight in armor on his trusty steed and rescuing people out of all sorts of situations. How tiresome that must be. How ultimately stressful, and being very responsible on top of that and trustworthy. I would get me a can opener and get me out of that suit of armor very quickly and make my escape on my trusty steed.

The problem is that he will run straight into a new situation where he will be a rescuing knight again, well he already has. People adore rescuing knights. Poetic odes are written to them and people look at them through the eyes of romantic love and the knight is flattered and repeats his performance only to be caught in the same trap again.

The knight needs to stay at home in his own castle and stop going out seeking battles to win with imaginary dragons and other villains and he needs to stop looking for damsels in distress and lesser men who can’t perform the deeds as well as he can. He needs to stop conquering the world like Don Quichotte did. Did you know that that was the first nick name this damsel in distress gave the knight in armor? Don Quichotte?

Anyway, this is not a mud puddle and you may not lie down in it so I may step on your body to cross it. That’s an order, Don Quichotte! And that is not a burning house in which I am trapped out of which you are going to rescue me at the risk of your own life! I will tie the bed sheets together and climb out the second story window. I am not a helpless female and you are not an all powerful male rescuer dragon slayer. Let’s get that bit of crookedness out of the way.

Oh, there you are, my audience! I almost forgot you were here. Ahum…had myself a little rant there. We do get carried away, don’t we? Time for a picture.

The Meusse.

Writer’s block? Never had any problems with it! That’s because no subject is sacred. In the Netherlands we have the saying, “Kicking against sacred houses.” That means there are no holy or social subjects that are taboo to talk about and that everything should be dragged out of the closet for open examination by daylight. There should be no things that can not bear the light of day. That’s probably why other nations see us as such liberals, only the Scandinavians equal or surpass us in this.

It’s actually early in the morning now and proof of that is the fact that I am wide awake and the sound of the birds I hear outside. They sing their bright little cheerful songs, oblivious of the dangerous cats that live here. I think along with a wake up lamp, people should hear the sound of bird song in the morning, because it does cheer you up. Not the sound of a bird as it is being dragged down by a ferocious cat, please!

I am going to end this epistle. In the end I didn’t really have that much to say, except for the Don Quichotte part, that was rather bright, wasn’t it? Inspired, it was.

The weather here is going to be wonderful this weekend. Possibly as warm as 20 degrees Celsius. There will be a lot of motorcycle riders out today. Yes. Well. I did tell you that the other woman rides her own motorcycle, didn’t I?

I wish you a super nice Saturday. I know for those of you who work full time that this is an important day at home, so I hope you can make the best of it. For those of you on the road, drive carefully and get to your destination safely, please.


P.S. I got this award for free from Jules at Just Because…
She was having a party and handing out these awards gratis and, as is obvious, I hand this one out gratis to anyone who wants it too, so go ahead and take it, go on then, you know you want to!

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Eduard had to work at the film house last night and at first I thought I would go with him, because I thought the other woman would show up there and try and work her magic on him there, as she has been known to do in the past, and I wanted to be there to prevent her from doing it, but at the last minute I thought I was being ridiculous and realized that I could not forever be Eduard’s guardian and accompany him to the film house forever to watch over him, and that I would just have to trust him to take care of whatever situation arose, and that he would do that in a sensible and appropriate way and that I would have to trust him with that.

So, at the last minute, I said to him how ridiculous I was being and quickly changed from my clothes into my pajamas and bathrobe, so I would not be tempted to go anyway, and then I went to bed early, after taking my medicines consisting also of extra tranquilizers to take the terrible edge off that I felt, which was a sheer case of nerves running through my body, and luckily, I fell asleep very quickly, thanks to the sleep medication, and I didn’t lay awake worrying about what was happening without me being present and keeping an eye on things.

You must realize that sometimes I am a sheer bundle of nerves. Not constantly, but every once in a while the horror of the situation hits me and I am like a too tightly wound up musical toy and all my mechanical works are about to explode out of me. That’s when I drink the white wine, because it does relax me so very much, but yesterday I started drinking wine in the morning and I don’t think that’s the way I am supposed to be dealing with this. I hold my alcohol really well, but I think I drink to feel numb and not care so much and I suppose that is not quite the way to deal with my pent up feelings. I also don’t get a lot of housework done as a result of it.

I have to come to the realization which things I can control and which things I can’t, within reason, and not become a paranoid schizoid woman who goes around checking things for their truth value and their probability factor. I can only have so much influence on what happens and on what Eduard does and doesn’t do. I can not be his jailer, but I think I have said that before.

But let me tell you something people, I do get very scared and right now I think life is very precarious.

Anyway, so there I was sitting yesterday at the dining table with my glass of wine, listening to Arrow Jazz FM, smoking a cigarette, drinking wine, doing chores in between glasses of wine and cigarettes, and feeling mighty mellow, and I thought that this was the life and that I ought to always feel this way and why didn’t they develop a pill to make you so.

Of course, looking back now I can see why they don’t, because you are not truly functioning on all four cylinders. You just think you are doing truly great and the world is such a mellow place and so are you and all is well with it. You’ve got a certain amount of bravour, and your Dutch courage, and you feel that you can take on anything. Your mind is suddenly so amazingly clearheaded, you think, and you see things for what they are and there is no bullshit.

And then, suddenly, you realize that you are a bit inebriated and that you have to stop drinking and start drinking several cups of very strong Senseo to clear up your head and to get a grip on reality again, and then you think that that sobering process is very enlightening too and that you can learn a lot from it, because it happens very quickly, and in no time at all you can see the forest for the trees again and see the details of your life and understand the things you were trying to ignore. So suddenly you’ve got your life back again, holding it in both your hands and handling it with care and solicitude, as if it were a crystal ball that could easily shatter if you dropped it.

Now, to get you out of this frame of mind in into a totally different one for the next bit of the rest of this post, go to this damn good bit of music by this damn good singing woman.

Yesterday I got an award from Mean Moody Middle Aged Mom and as usual, it is my duty now to pass the award on to some other lucky people. It always is a bit of a chore to do this, because you have to go see who hasn’t received it yet and then try and make a fair pick out of your list of bloggers and you know how I always hate to do that! Anyway, here is the award:

I am choosing the recipients keeping in mind that the people who received this award yesterday will also be handing it out and that most everybody will end up getting it, I hope, and if not in this round then in the next one. You see how I try to keep it fair! Okay, the Good Chat Blog Award goes to:

  1. Omega Mum
  2. Frances
  3. Eileen
  4. The Rotten Correspondent
  5. Crystal Jigsaw
  6. Mya
  7. Laurie
  8. Babaloo
I feel righteously contend now, although I probably forgot people who needed and deserved one, but keep your fingers crossed if you feel that you should.

I have felt free enough to steal this award from San Meredith from Life with a View as I thought it might take a long time before this award would turn up in our regions, so I kidnapped it and I am setting it free in our corner of the blog world. It is a good looking award and I just can’t pass it up. I don’t think I am following the proper protocol here, but I am one for bending the rules.

I want to hand out this award to the following people and I would like it if one of you would be so kind as to hand it back to me, because I have not been awarded it myself (snigger)!

  1. Constance Rose
  2. Bev
  3. Jo Beaufoix
  4. John Mora
  5. Aims
  6. Miss Understood
After that bit of labor I think I deserve a good cup of coffee, so I have made myself a big mug of creamy and foamy Senseo and I think along with a cigarette, that will be a real treat. You see how easy it is for me to be fairly satisfied with life. It just takes a few simple ingredients, some peace and quiet and a few other accoutrements. Nothing complicated, really. A faithful husband, a happy daughter, healthy pets, a smart grandchild…just ordinary things. Maybe it really
is time to go to the chapel again. I must tell my sister to go out and get herself a new bicycle soon, so I can retrieve my own.

Well, with these small wishes I will end this well written epistle that came straight from my heart to yours. Tongue in cheek, I said this. Today is tedious Tuesday. It is the day that has no purpose except to tie Monday and Wednesday together. It is totally tiresome and nothing more.

In spite of that, I wish you all a good day and I hope you slay many dragons and other green eyed monsters and rescue many damsels in distress and knights in rusty armor as well, with or without their trusty steed.


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I had almost forgotten about the “Busy Bee Award” and I still must hand that out to some people, so let me have a look at my blog roll and see who I can make happy today. My God, I say that as if I am handing out the Oscars! Don’t get a big head, Irene! It’s only a blog award! This is the one I’m talking about:

Okay, I have checked my long list of blogs that I read and, difficult as it is, I have decided to give the award to the following people: Eileen, Aims, The Rotten Correspondent, Casdok, Andrea and Laurie. There, that is done then and I can get on with the rest of this post, because I always do feel that it is quite a responsibility to pass on these awards and I almost want to do it with a blindfold on, but that wouldn’t be quite right either.

Because right at this moment, I can’t think of anything really exciting to tell you, I am going to answer these 39 questions that I stole from Missing You Already. That way, I have something useful to do and you get to know a little bit more about me. Sounds like a fair deal, doesn’t it? Here we go:

1.What is your occupation? Amateur blogger, housewife, literature reader and dog walker.
2. What color are your socks right now?They are perfectly black.
3. What are you listening to right now? Radio station Clara in Flemish Belgium, playing classical and other esoteric music.
4. What was the last thing that you ate? Nonfat yogurt with bits of fruit in it.
5. Can you drive a stick shift? Yes, when there is absolutely no other option.
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? A very loud red.
7. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Eduard, he wanted to tell me that he got to work okay and that all his films got there on time.
8. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Well, nobody sent me this and I don’t really know the person I stole it from, although she seems to be quite a humorous person.
9. Favorite drink? Everybody knows the answer to this one, it is coffee.
10. What is your favorite sport to watch? Speedskating, especially since the guys wear those skin tight suits, well, the women do to, but I only care about the guys.
11. Have you ever dyed your hair? Yes, usually blond, but a few times red, but not anymore. Now it is its natural color, which is a dark ash blond.
12. Pets? Three run of the mill cats and one cocker spaniel, although one of the cats is part Siamese.
13. Favorite food? Chocolate chip cookies and short cake biscuits.
14. Last movie you watched? Atonement.
15. Favorite Day of the year? My birthday, September the 7th, hint, hint.
16. What do you do to vent anger? Swear really hard in two languages.
17. What was your favorite toy as a child? Lego’s
18. What is your favorite, fall or spring? The springtime beats any season.
19. Hugs or kisses? Hugs, very tight ones, kisses are kind of sloppy and wet and too intimate.
20. What kind of pie? Apple pie and pumpkin pie with whipped cream as made by my ex mother in law in the States.
21. Do you want your friends to email you back? Yes, of course!
22. Who is most likely to respond? My friend Laura in California.
23. Who is least likely to respond? I am not going to answer that, because nothing but trouble will come of it.
24. Living arrangements? A two bedroom apartment on the ground floor, with a small kitchen and one bathroom. The whole thing is just big enough for two adults, three cats and one dog.
25. When was the last time you cried? Tuesday morning, in front of my therapist.
26. What is on the floor of your closet? Christmas decorations, a box of clothes hangers, an old Minolta camera, a pair of shoes, a stack of clothes and an old jewelry box.
27. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending this to? I don’t know who I am going to send this meme to, who I am going to tag with it.
28. The friend you have known the shortest amount of time that you are sending this to? Ditto above.
29. Favorite smell? I am a vegetarian, but I love the smell of bacon sizzling in the frying pan.
30. What inspires you? Hope and determination.
31. What are you afraid of? Insanity and dementation.
32. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Definitely cheese hamburgers, if I would eat those at all.
33. Favorite car? Jeep Cherokee 4×4.
34. Favorite cat breed? The Savannah and the Egyptian Mau.
35. Number of keys on your key ring? I have four keys, one to the outer door, one to the front door, one to the mail box and one to the back door.
36. How many years at your current job? Job? Ha, ha, let me get over that for a minute…
37. Favorite day of the week? Saturday, because it is almost Sunday, which is really a day of rest here, so Saturday is an anticipatory day.
38. How many provinces have you lived in? Three, Utrecht, Drenthe and Limburg.
39. How many countries have you been to? I think I have been to thirteen countries at least, and I may be forgetting one or two.

I don’t know why it is 39 questions and not 40, but I suppose I won’t worry my silly head about that.

Oh yes, yesterday I was trying to insert this picture of Toby and Blogger wouldn’t let me do it, so I am going to try it again now.

See how he has just the tiniest hint of a mustache under his nose? Someone told me that makes him a Kitler, that is a Cat that looks like Hitler. I am serious, there is a website with pictures of cats that look like Hitler. As a citizen of a country that was overrun by the Nazis, I should be offended, but I am not. I can appreciate the morbid humor of it.

Yesterday was another sort of cold day, although I hate to complain about our cold days when I read about what the people in the Midwest of the United States and the people in Canada have to go through. Our weather is peanuts compared to theirs. They would think it balmy here.

The dog and I went for two longish walks, but we didn’t go to the pond, because my sister had to work and on those days Jesker and I take a different walk. We keep walking past that horse in the paddock, but Jesker is not afraid of him anymore now and only staggers a little bit when we get near him. You would think the horse would stagger, but no, Jesker does.

We always walk past a busy street, but Jesker is really good about staying on the narrow sidewalk, but he does poop in the most inconvenient places, like right on top of someone’s ornamental plant and then I stand at the ready with the poop baggy and hope that someone doesn’t come running out of their house all agitated. Just like Laurie should with her three dogs, I should write a book about my life with Jesker.

Doris Lessing wrote a book about her life with her cats called “Particularly Cats.” It’s a pretty little book and she speaks lovingly about them. She is such a great writer anyway and I am so glad that she finally got the Nobel Prize, although she scuffed about it a bit. I loved her book “The Fifth Child.”

I have tried to write fiction once, but found it almost impossible to do and I realize that I don’t actually have that much of an imagination. I do okay describing real events, but when I have to make something up, I sort of start to stagger and trip. I do appreciate good fiction very much and I like reading it and I have a lot of admiration for people who research their subjects well and who can make the story run true and make their facts count. I am too lazy to do that. If I can’t find it on the Internet, I don’t bother.

I think it takes a real special talent to write good fiction and I know that I don’t have it. The best thing you can do, is own up to what you don’t have and concentrate on what you do have instead. What I have is a lot of fun and satisfaction writing this blog and reading other people’s blogs.

Well, my dearest people, I think that will do for today. You all know where I am going next, off to my warm bed with a nice glass of warm milk to sleep another two hours. You all have a really good day and have a good time slaying all those dragons. Ciao…

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Egret Soup

“You can do no great things, only small things with great love.” This is a quote from Mother Theresa and I got it from Marja, the Dutch woman living in New Zealand.

The reason this appeals to me is, that I know that I am not a woman of Great Deeds with capital letters. I will never do anything news worthy or especially brave or commendable and I will never achieve fame or fortune or even earn my own living. None of those things are within easy reach of me.

I am woman of small deeds, with small letters. I have little achievements and reach little milestones and I don’t contribute in any noteworthy way to the general state of good of society. I am just a small insignificant woman of no specific reputation doing no specific activities to change the world. All the things I do are small, but are done with great love.

In my own way, I try to be a positive presence on this earth and a positive presence in the lives of the people I come in contact with. Sometimes that works out well, sometimes it doesn’t. I am not like mother Theresa, but I possibly do have some of her patience and I endure well.

Given the circumstances, I might have been a greater benefactor to my fellow human beings, but as it is, I need to put a lot of energy into being my own benefactor. When I was younger, I had visions of myself becoming a Peace Corps worker and helping people in third world countries, although I had very vague ideas on how I would do this and I probably had some very naive thoughts about it.

My life turned out quite differently and for a very long time I was moving along under a whole different set of circumstances than I had ever imagined myself to be in when I was younger. Now I am back to the base and I can reposition myself in life and reassess my thoughts and attitudes and abilities, but I can truly come to the conclusion that I am a woman of small words and small deeds.

I am comfortable with that and do not strive for anything bigger or better. If bigger or better opportunities do present themselves down the line, I will assess them for potentiality and see if I am truly capable of undertaking them. Until that time, I am comfortable living my life as it is now, one day at a time, nice and easy with as little stress as is possible.

Those profound thoughts came to me because of that quote and so there is always something you read that inspires you to stop and think a little bit more deeply about yourself and about what you do in this life.


Now on to something completely different. I came upon an award while making my rounds of the blogs that I read. It was given away freely by Casdok to all of her readers. I took it and, of course, I am going to make it a little bit special again and hand it out to some people whom I think are special. First of all, here is the award:

The symbol stands for a heart, so it says, “I heart your blog.” I am going to give it to five people and than those people can give it to as many people as they want.

So, I give this award to: Omega Mum, Babaloo, Kris Cahill, Laurie and Andrea. I could give it to more people, but this is just to get the ball rolling. You guys can keep it rolling.


My sister and I walked around the pond again yesterday afternoon and it was cold. The wind was blowing hard and I forgot to wear my scarf and I got quite cold around my upper regions. Luckily, we were sheltered by the trees when we got to the pond. My sister has been pouring her heart out about some personal matters and I have been very much trying to be a wise older sister to her and come up with all the right things to say and be very supportive of her. I don’t find this difficult, but I do realize that I can’t do this indefinitely, as I do have a limited amount of energy and after two days I do feel a bit emotionally drained.

She really does need someone to stick by her side right now, but luckily she also has a therapist whom she goes to once a week and this person sounds like a very sensible woman, so that ought to help her a lot. I realize that I can’t help her save her life, that she has to save her own life, but I do feel that I have to support her and be there for her.

Anyway, the weather was cold at noon time, but then when I went for a long walk with the dog at dinner time, the sun had come out and the wind had stopped blowing and it was lovely out, so you can’t depend on the weather at all, just that it is undependable. I do like going for longer walks with the dog, even if it is just for half an hour instead of an hour. We walk at a steady pace and get our exercise and Jesker knows exactly at which street corner to turn.

Our cat Toby has a cold, but it is slowly getting better. He had a runny nose and runny eyes, but he is not sneezing anymore. He is his normal chipper self other than that, although he does drink more water. We’ll keep an eye on him and make sure he is really getting better.

We’ve had to put Jesker on rice and white bread for having runny stools, but we think that is getting better also. He isn’t sick in any way, he just had the runs. We cook the rice in bouillon and he likes it very much and we buy white buns for him at the bakery. Those help a lot.

Eduard also has a cold and has been coughing all night. I don’t think we have any cough medicine in the house, so he’ll have to get some of that today. There is nothing more irritating than being awakened by your own cough all night long.

Gandhi and Nouri and I are all fine, we have no colds or anything else.

Well, I think that is about it for today. It is a little bit cold here and, of course, I haven’t turned on the heater, as I am just now realizing that my hands are freezing and s
o are my legs, so it is time to go back to bed for a little while with a nice glass of warm milk. I am actually hoping to find some cookies to go with that, but I think they are all gone.

You all have a wonderful day and be good and brave and do as many Great Deeds as you can. Ciao…

P.S. Blogger will not let me post the original image that was by John Mora and Sue O’Kieffe, but you can find it here on Sue’s weblog.

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Well, I am sorted out again and I have my life sorted out again, and that is a big relief to me, as it is to Eduard as well, as there is nothing worse to him than having me under the weather and all shook up.

I had an appointment with my SPN yesterday morning and prior to seeing her, I was still quite stressed, as I had no idea how to solve my situation. When I rode my bike there, I hoped that we would resolve things somehow, but I had no clear idea on how it could be done without letting some people, including myself, down.

When I sat in the room with her, my tears of stress and frustration quickly came spilling out and she could see that obviously I was having a hard time with the whole thing, so we both put our thinking caps on and came up with a solution and that is the following:

The timing for me to start all these different therapies is not good. I am not resilient enough yet to handle such an intensive therapeutic schedule that will make relatively large demands on me. It will cause too much change and application in my very low key life. I am not ready for that and my mind is telling me in no uncertain terms that I am not.

So, I am going to wait a couple of months and try to pick up the procedure again at that point. In the meantime, I am to keep my life in order just the way it is now and my SPN and I are going to work on making me a bit more resilient in the meantime. We will do this by taking very little baby steps and by not doing anything too stressful and then there is always the solid home base to return to. We’ll do it in such a way, that I will not require any extra medication, unless, of course, I get hypo manic, which will require some adjustment in them then.

I feel greatly relieved and able to pick up my life again and get on with things. I still am dreaming very strange and emotional dramas, but that may also be because I have stopped taking one of my sleep medications, because it was not helping me at all, so I am less stupefied during the night.

So, there you have the whole story and now on to other things. I have been given an award by a fellow country woman living in New Zealand. Her name is Marja and she gave me the award for having a great sense of humor. How do you like them apples? Here is the award:

I am very grateful for the award and I will hand it out tomorrow, because I have to do something else first. Through the comments box on my last post, Maggie May has tagged me for the 6 facts meme, so I will do that right now and tell you 6 irrelevant things about myself. Well, maybe some of them will be significant, we’ll see.

  1. I have one very small tattoo. It is a small green heart on my right wrist. My son and I both got one almost 6 years ago to remember the three quality weeks we spend together after he had finished all of his treatments for his cancer.
  2. When Eduard and I were teenagers, he was my boyfriend, but I kept breaking it off and then after enough time had passed, making it up again, and Eduard was so patient, he kept accepting me back. I was a very fickle girl.
  3. Growing up, I never had a cat or a dog, but in my adult life, I’ve always had at least one cat, if not more and also at least one dog.
  4. I am not supposed to have any allergies, but I have chronic eczema and in the spring and early summertime, I have a chronic cold.
  5. When I was an adolescent, I ran track and I was quite good at it and won many prizes, because I was fast. I also did the long jump and did well in that. My daughter inherited this talent and became quite a track star herself.
  6. I have had three surgeries. One for my thyroid, one for my hysterectomy and one for my gastric band. All were successful.

Now, I am supposed to pass on the baton to other people, but I have a feeling that this one has been around the track a few times, so I am letting it drop for whoever feels like picking it up. It’s a good thing to do when you don’t quite have enough of a subject to blog about.

For a little extra, I am adding this picture of Jesker, because he is so cute and we have enough pictures of him to go around.

Yesterday, it was cold here and it actually snowed! In March! Of course, it didn’t stay on the ground, but melted in no time at all, but it was unexpected anyway after we’ve had such a mild winter. My sister and I went for a long walk around the pond and every time we go there, it seems that the trees and shrubbery are getting greener and it is all becoming more beautiful every day. We don’t want it to become too cold now, because of all the little buds on the trees and the green stuff popping out of the ground.

The day before yesterday, I heard a lot of geese honking, but I did not see them, so they must have landed somewhere in a field nearby. It’s the time of year for migrating birds and I am sure that if I were to go to the fields by the river, I would see many different kinds. As it is, we keep seeing the same heron by the pond. I don’t hear many birds yet in the morning, but soon that will change too.

Well, I’ve come to the end of my words. I haven’t come to the end of my delicious mug of coffee yet. Oh, how lovely!

I hope you all have a terrific day while you’re out there slaying dragons and performing other brave deeds. Somebody has to. Ciao…

P.S. Image courtesy of John Mora.

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I had a bit of a psychoses yesterday morning, when I became more and more convinced that what I had dreamed was real and that is was a fact and not a delusion and I became very sure of it, until Eduard woke up and I told him all about it and he sowed doubt in my mind and told me to take an anti psychotic, which I then eventually did. Then I fell asleep on the sofa and when I woke up, I was less convinced and more sure that I was hallucinating and I called my SPN and she told me that it sometimes happens that certain people under stress will lose their grip on reality and start believing things that are not real.

I called the out clinic and left a message on the voice mail to let them know that I would not be there for the creative therapy. The rest of the day I felt odd and awkward and in the afternoon I had a hard shift downward and I put my pajamas on and took 25 mg of Oxazepam and went to bed, just as it says to do on the sign on the coffee table: “Take a pill and go to sleep.” I slept from 3:30 pm until 9 pm and then was up for about 30 minutes, but I went back to sleep and didn’t wake up again until some hours later and finally felt back to “normal” again.

So, you can see that I am not handling this upcoming change in my life well. I knew I was a bit nervous, but I didn’t realize it was impacting me so much. I am seeing my SPN this morning at ten o’clock and will have a discussion with her about it all, but as things stand now, I have very serious doubts about upsetting my life and starting the therapeutic classes. I am sure she will try to convince me of the contrary and make me see that it will be good for me, but I don’t see how it will be, as I have been doing so well for the past weeks and have just yesterday gotten out of whack again.

Alright then, I will write about this more after I have spoken with her, as I can’t say many more sensible things about it now. I just don’t want to lose my reasonable state of mental health.

I have, very kindly, been awarded the “Busy Bee Award” by Babaloo of Fairymix.com. She thinks I have been busy as a bee. This award was just created by Tom Foolery, so it is a really new award and it is just starting its round amongst us bloggers and I think Babaloo was the second recipient.

Of course, I must hand this out to you other busy bees, so I must have a look at my blog roll and see who else has been especially hard working.

Okay, I am going to give this ward to Ann, Kaycie, Maggie, The Rotten Correspondent, Andrea and Laurie. No ifs, ands and buts about it.

By now it has become early in the morning and with a little bit of luck, I’ll be able to sleep just a few more hours before I have to go see my SPN. Eduard had to work last night and didn’t come home until very late and I did get to seem him then. We had a brief encounter in the living room. I was on my way to the kitchen and he was on his way to the bedroom. Such stuff modern marriages are made of. Well, we did see each other in the afternoon, so it wasn’t as bad as all that.

This is possibly not the longest post I’ve ever written, but I feel that I have written enough for now and I will end it with the promise that I’ll try to write more tomorrow, after I hope that today will have been a more interesting day. That is not to say that in many ways yesterday wasn’t for me. It was just sort of exhaustive. It’s not one of those days that you want to repeat that often, although the hallucinating part had some of its own fascination. For a while it was hard to sit behind the computer because of the little rabbit people.

Have yourself a great day. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do and don’t do anything I would do. Ciao…

P.S. Image courtesy of John Mora.

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