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Posts Tagged ‘finances’

There comes a time, when you have read so many blogs that you are saturated with them and that you can not leave another sensible comment. Then it is time to quit and save the rest of them for another day ,says I, who is not a quitter and who goes on until the bitter end, but even I have to admit when i am beat. Much as I would like to leave an amusing or other form of astounding comment, at one point my brain is not capable of it anymore and I just blank out. That’s why I take turns beginning either at the top of the list or at the bottom, so that all people will get an equal share of my attention.

Today I had the fortune of sharing the woes of my pitiful financial situation with the group of people at my ergo therapy and let me tell you, a worry shared weighs less and there was much compassion all around making me not feel so alone in all of this. As I heard myself speak, I realized how ridiculous the whole thing was and how strange bureaucracy works and how I need to fight the system by being a dishonest citizen. I will nver be gullible and naive again and always watch out for number one.

I stayed home this afternoon, waiting for the tax people to call me, which of course they didn’t and they probably won’t until the very last day in the very last hour, but if that is what they are planning on doing, I am calling them first. I do have a mouth to open and a brain to form the right words to say what’s on my mind. I am not some easily intimidated person whom they can talk under the table.

This morning I had a stomachache worrying about it all, but it quickly disappeared and I am now my usual feisty self.

I am making friends on Facebook and collecting an eclectic bunch of people, one of whom wants to flirt with me, but I think I am old enough to be his mother and he lives in South Africa. It’s all in good fun, though, and I can take it as far as I let it go. I try not to neglect anyone and go by everyday to send them each a message. Not good karma or flowers or eggs with surprises in them, but just a plain old message.

Jesker is being his regular spoiled self and thinks he needs to be walked every hour. Of course, I don’t fall for this and he is very disappointed when I don’t. I try to give him some other kind of attention to divert his mind and that usually works, until he gets bored again and wants to go out. He has a great need to look for inedible substances and thinks he will find those all over the place whenever we go out.

I am so tired at the end of the day. I look forward to going to bed, yet try to postpone it until I am a zombie and barely capable of coherent movement. I have put clean sheets on the bed today, so it will be extra nice to go to sleep tonight. I love crispy clean sheets.

Today at ergo therapy we had to rob each other’s territory with paint on a large piece of paper and the battle between me and my partner became so heated that we ended up taking the whole bottles of paint and squirting them directly on the paper. It was hard to see who won, it was a close draw, but a lot of fun, as opposed to the other couple who neatly stayed in their own territory. It was all a matter of interpretation and how far you were willing to go. I will go far to defend my territory. You learn something new every day.

The other obvious thing is too, that I am full of humor there and I am not so in real life. In real life I have a tendency to be too serious, so I have to learn to carry this humor out into the outside world. Apparently I make people like me through my sense of humor and my big mouth and everybody will tell you that I am a nice person.

I receive lots of good kudos there, if only I could do that in real life.

I’ve got to find myself a new book to read,as i finished the one about Chicago May. I am hoping there are some books on the book case that I haven’t read yet. At least ones good enough to put me to sleep. I have my whole sleeping ritual of making toasted bread and a glass of warm milk and getting my book and my strongest reading glasses. The warm milk really helps me sleep, it works better than a sleeping pill. The toasted bread is comfort food, to make it more cozier, I share it with the dog.

Well, that’s all she wrote for today. It’s time to sit back and relax for a few moments before walking Jesker again and putting his eye drops in. There is never rest for the wicked.

Sleep tight everyone, treat your alarm clock with patience, it’s only doing its job.

Ciao…

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Because I had to live on a teeny little welfare check for two months, that was not even enough to buy groceries with, Eduard supported me financially the best way he could by also borrowing money and making ends meet. Because of this, Social Services sees this money as income and is therefor not giving me my regular welfare check for this month. As a matter of fact, I am getting no money at all. So, until September the 20th, I will have to live on the money I borrow from my Visa card, because money borrowed is not considered income, because you can show that you are having to pay it back. I can not receive money from anybody else, as that will be considered income and will be withdrawn from my welfare payment. I can submit an objection, but it is all going to take precious time and in the meantime I am going to be very poor and owing a lot of money.

Still, after the initial shock of it, I decided to put on my happy face and consider myself lucky that I even have a credit card with enough credit left on it that I can borrow the money from. I would have to go through all sorts of lengths to get money otherwise and frankly, I would not know how, except for hanging a red light in the window. So, I’m trying to look at it cheerfully.

The man who is handling my case at Social Services now is new and he thought that the money I had received from Eduard was an alimony payment and that I would get that much money all the time. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry and I told him that I was sorry, but that I had to pull myself together and that I would call him back shortly. I did have to pull myself together emotionally and I don’t like to do that while on the phone with a well meaning, but complete stranger.

This also explains why the tax people, who decide about my rent and medical care subsidies, told me they would call me back later this week between 1 and 3 PM. They are probably also assuming that I received a large amount of money in alimony payments and will forever. I sure do have some straightening out to do.

Anyway, this bright and happy news did set the tone for the rest of my day, even though I did not want it to, but I couldn’t help but be affected by it. The best thing to do is put on my brave trooper face and act like the whole damn thing is not going to get me down and it won’t in the end. I just hate bureaucracy and the stiff unbending rules that make it work against the little honest people. Eduard and I should have lied our heads off or have made different arrangements, but c’est la vie.

In the meantime, life at the Pondorosa continues with all the regular things that take place, although today was a little bit off. I did walk Jesker four times, but we didn’t make a long walk once, because he gets out of breath so quickly. He pants for a long time when we get back. I have been noticing that this summer. It’s not the heat, because it hasn’t been warm here at all for quite awhile.

I am having fun with Facebook, because this time it is I who picks out who I want to be friends with and I have a eclectic set of rules that only I understand. It comes down to instinct basically, guided by some very basic standards. I manage okay that way and have made some new friends. I even got Eduard to join, which is a miracle of itself.

Tomorrow I have wonderful ergo therapy and we will discuss detachment. I feel I have to crawl into my shell when I get bitterly disappointed, but maybe the thing is to seek your solace amongst people and their healing presence. At least I assume their presence can be healing. I am Irene the Brave, master of all my emotions. Right!

Eduard was here this afternoon, because his mobile phone is in my name and we thought his subscription had to be renewed and the person who owns the phone has to do that. It turned out that the subscription didn’t need to be renewed, it does it of itself, so that was a waste of time, even though they told us last year that we would have to do this. I had my passport and client number all ready for it too. Good intentions all the way down the line.

I am especially looking forward to going to bed tonight, even though so far I am postponing it, but it does mean an end to this rather disappointing day. At the same time, I don’t want to go to bed with even the slightest defeated feeling, so I am staying up until that is completely gone.

Jesker is snoring beside me after he has been very good about letting me put his eye drops in.

The differences between the cats and the dog are really so large. The dog is so dependent on me and the cats are hardly at all. Well, yes they are for their food and water and milk and they let me know very loudly when they’ve run out, but other than that, they are independent creatures that make up their own mind about when they come and go and when they need attention and how much they want. I am much more like a cat that way, because I like my independence too and I hate to be shackled to a time and a place and a person. I would hate to be a dog and I would probably bite my owner in his bum out of frustration. Maybe that’s why I am always so overly nice and patient with Jesker, because I would hate to be him and be dependent on a human being. I try to be an understanding human being for Jesker. I felt the same way when my kids were little and they were dependent on me.

I swept the apartment with a broom and a brush and dustpan this afternoon, because i thought the tax people might call me and I don’t hear the phone when I have the vacuum cleaner running. It worked equally well and you would be amazed by how much sand and hair I swept up. Actually, it was a meditative sort of job and kind of pleasant to do and I may do it again. The drawback is that I don’t vacuum the sofa and chairs then, so I will have to do that another time or wave my magic wand and have them turn out perfectly clean that way. Ha, I wish.

Well, I’ll end this epistle and go and do some other things until I am good and ready for bed. I could go on forever, but I don’t want to bore you with every tiny detail of my life, fascinating as it all may be.

See you all tomorrow, sleep tight.

Ciao…

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I think it is a minor miracle that I sleep the sleep of the innocents and don’t have nightmares about an avalanche of bills coming out of the mailbox when I open it and then realize the awful shortage of money I have and the inability to pay them and the way I rob Peter to pay Paul. Instead, I very rarely remember my dreams and when I do, they are fairly benign and nothing really awful happens in them, except that an old ex pops into them every once in a while, but they are easily dealt with and cause no grief.

The shortage of money is a thing I am trying to stay optimistic about and I keep telling myself that it is a temporary situation that I am juggling with now and that I won’t be having this worry forever. So, I try to let it slide like water of a duck’s back, but I do allow myself 20 minutes a day of giving it some serious thought. Thank goodness for very good anti-anxiety pills. I would be a blathering idiot in the corner of the living room refusing to come out of hiding otherwise. They’d have to lock me up in the anti-anxiety ward.

This morning I went to the bank very early, actually the minute they opened up and before they would all be busy helping hundreds of other customers, and closed one obsolete bank account that was only costing me money. Then I called the tax office and asked them about my rent and health care subsidies and they said I should be getting those just before the 24th of August, including those for July, if all goes well. It takes the tax people 8 weeks to process a request. Bah humbug.

The housing corporation, which had promised me that they would not take my rent until the 27th of August, has taken my rent out of my account on the 4th, leaving me short 97 Euros. Luckily, my Visa card had just arrived in the mail and I ordered them to put a supply of money in my bank account, which I will pay back when I get my next welfare check. Juggling, people, I am juggling. At least the rent is paid now, although it was not supposed to be.

How to live on the edge and not get too scared by it.

Luckily, I have my trusty Uberhund who needs my love and attention and his regular walks and his dishes of rice cooked in bouillon, because he had the runs something awful, but it is now all cleared up and we are back to normal again. Tonight, he is having his regular kibbles, much to his chagrin, because he really likes rice cooked in bouillon. I think I will make that as a treat for him on the weekends, even when he is not having the runs, because he loves it so and is aware of me fixing it for him and waits for it very impatiently. The cats think they like it too and hover nearby, but they actually don’t.

I am the listening post for my sister who is going through her divorce, but it is taking a lot of time and her husband still has not moved out, causing her a lot of stress, because his new house is not furnished yet and has no curtains. All is on order, but will take several weeks to get done. I will advice her tonight that he should move out anyway and go someplace else in the meantime. My sister is practically emotionally worn down.

My older sister and I speak on the phone several times a week and try to come up with solutions, but do feel a certain amount of frustration, as it is hard to interfere in someone else’s marriage. You see how mistakes are being made all over the place and how things could be done differently, but what can you do? Gentle hints and suggestions are it. They have a rebellious teenage daughter on their hands as well.

Let me tell you, I was so blessed with my kids. They were good kids. I was very lucky in that department.

Yesterday the Exfactor came over with a bag of brownies that they sell at the film house, but these were just a little dry and they were getting rid of them. Well, they didn’t taste dry to me at all and I thoroughly enjoyed eating them. I told you I’m a chocolate junkie. It is my downfall and I ate them unashamedly right in front of the Uberhund , because dogs can’t have chocolate. It is wonderful to be sinful in the food department once in a while and my stomach was very happy.

We had some very hot days and yesterday it was almost too hot to walk the Uberhund, but today at noon, there was a thunder storm and everything cooled off a bit. There is supposed to be more coming. I don’t mind the rain and the dark clouds, even though it does get gloomy in the apartment, but there is also a sort of coziness with the lights on. Not too many though, because it is my intention to get money back from the energy company at the end of the year, even though the rates did go up. I’m such a cheapskate!

Well, I suppose I will go and see what’s on the TV now. I think I missed the news, but I am sure there is some other mind numbing program that can soothe my brain into dull happiness.

Have a good one!

Ciao…

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I can’t write about my memories all the time. My head will get stuck in them and sometimes that is not a pleasant feeling, depending on the memories. Instead, I will write about what is going on right now.

I had told you all very proudly that I had stopped taking the Temazepam during the day. Well, as of yesterday I am back on it. It didn’t quite work out the way I had hoped and I am still not back to normal. The first days there were no problems, then I got a hypo manic mood and after that I went to hell in a hand basket with obsessive thoughts and feelings of panic. I tried to keep my wits about me, but found it very hard and finally decided to go back to the Temazepam, which is slowly bringing back some peace inside of me.

I am not a happy camper. There are too many insecurities in my life right now. I still don’t have my rent and medical care subsidies. I don’t know how much my next welfare check is going to be and if it will be enough to live on, and I got word from the Sonoma County Courthouse that my notarization for the request for the marriage certificate is not good enough. On top of that the dog and the cats have fleas.

The last problem is easiest to fix and I am working on that right now with special products and lots of vacuuming and the washing of various items. I will have that problem taken care of in the shortest time.

I also thought last month that I would go with a different Internet provider, but that turned into one great big hassle with nothing but problems, so at the last minute, I decided to stay with the one I had and canceled the cancellation. At the time they told me that would be no problem, but I am waiting today for them to pull the plug on me anyway and leave me without Internet and telephone and cable TV. It will be a small miracle if everything does keep working. Light a candle for me, will you?

Such are the woes and worries of every day life and when I wasn’t taking the Temazepam I began to obsessively worry and panic about these things and could not look at them objectively and rationally anymore.

I thought the dog had a skin condition, because I never saw a flea and he scratched very selectively. I very innocently took him to the vet who soon set me straight and sent me home with a bunch of products that seem to be doing the job well.

I do notice that the Uberhund is panting a lot when we go for walks. I blamed it on the hot weather, but this morning he was doing it again and it was still cool outside. I have to keep an eye on that and see how it develops. I am thinking heart, lungs, and want to have it investigated, but I won’t run to the vet yet, because the Uberhund doesn’t enjoy it very much and we were just there.

The Exfactor and I are developing a normal relationship. he can come here for a cup of coffee and take care of whatever business needs to be taken care of and we can sit and chat and exchange thoughts in a very reasonable way. He is even starting to feel comfortable enough so he will talk about the Paramount on occasion and that is fine with me. He doesn’t have to keep that part of his life a secret from me. It isn’t necessary. I am not jealous and not out to put her in a bad daylight.

I do see that, of the two of us, I have changed the most. He is still his usual self and i don’t know if that is good, but maybe in the circle of friends that he finds himself in that is okay and he is accepted. He is still very reactionary and radical and sometimes hotheaded about issues. An anarchist a bit, whereas I am much more conventional and middle of the road, although I do have my opinions and I do swing to the left, but that is nothing special in the Netherlands. I am just an ordinary Dutch socialist woman.

Well, I must be off to the post office and the grocery store. My favorite place to hang out. There is always that endless supply of milk to get and the dog and cat food.

You all have a most pleasant day.

Ciao…

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I think I’ve got just about every document I need for my meeting with the man from social services tomorrow after noon, If i don’t have it, it is not for lack of trying. I have been running ragged collecting them all and making copies of them and just as I was doing that at my sister’s house yesterday, the ink ran out, so I had to abort that mission and go to the grocery store this morning to continue that. I had 11 pages left to copy and dreaded having to do it there, because I visioned badly run machines that would eat all my nickels and dimes, but nothing could have been further form the truth and all went smoothly.

I returned the items that I did not want for the dog and that was no problem and got him some new snacks instead that he likes very much. I even bought tobacco and have 11, 20 Euros left until Friday, which I think is pretty good, considering I don’t need anything else before that time.

I have decided to cut down on the coffee, I will no longer drink those huge two pad mugs of coffee anymore now, but I will drink the more demure one pad smaller mugs of coffee. I realized I was going through the pads at an alarming rate and I thought that was totally unnecessary, so I cut that down right away. Having never done any serious grocery shopping, I am finding out about al these things now and I can be a real cheapskate. It’s a challenge to spend the least amount of money and make the food last.

Out of the blue, I took a nap on the sofa this afternoon and was only awakened because the dog was barking very loudly. It turned out the girl next door was at the front door and had rung the doorbell but I had slept through that. I’m getting old, people. I woke up from the alarm clock this morning and had my leisurely hour drinking my coffee and petting the Uberhund. He is such a darling early in the morning and literally needs the sleep rubbed out of his eyes. Why have a grumpy man when you can have a sleepy huggable dog?

I hope I am never silly enough again to have the great misfortune to fall in love. I hope I am spared such a disaster. It would be such a worse state of affairs than the one I am finding myself in now. I suppose you have to be in the “falling in love sort of mood” and as long as I am not maybe it will never happen to me. I hope to God that I have learned enough from my “love” predicaments not to start down that road ever again. What I called love anyway, it may not have been the real thing at all, of course, but I am not going to bother to find out and put my feelings at risk and do any kind of experimenting. I thought I came pretty close with the Exfactor and if that is as close as I can get, I don’t want to find out how much closer I can get. Strike that one up for a pretty good experiment.

It turns out that the Paramount has more than one good male friend that she spends quality time with and the Exfactor claims that he is not jealous. He is all for given each other the space and freedom they deserve. He has a bigger heart than I have and doesn’t mind going where other men have also recently been. It is really an amazing thing, because the Paramount is not what we call mother’s prettiest. I wonder what the appeal is?

The Uberhund has found the one sunny spot in the living room and is curled up there now. It must feel good to him, to bathe in the sunlight like that. There is no sign of the cats. They have been hanging out outside a lot lately, no doubt because the weather has been so good. All is well, as long as they don’t make pests of themselves with the neighbors. Sometimes, one of them will take his life into his own paws and sleep on the new chair during the night, but as soon as I show up in the morning, they don’t know how fast to get out of it and make a beeline for the back door lest they get sprayed with the water bottle. I am mean like that.

Well, that’s all I ‘ve got. Tomorrow morning I’m seeing my SPN and in the afternoon I am seeing the man from Social Services who is going to make a determination about my benefits. So, you all keep your fingers crossed and hope for a good ending. I am a bit nervous, although i should not be, as I am an honest citizen.

Ciao…

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What have I gone and done now? Well, I was very casually vacuuming the living room and thinking about my ex reading my web log and how it was really not good to put that daily temptation in front of him like a very sweet desert in front of a fat person who is dieting. I mean, who wouldn’t want to know what kind of thoughts are going on inside the head of his soon to be ex wife, wouldn’t you be awfully curious? So, I thought, enough of that, you do not tie the cat to the bacon, as they say here. I must remove the temptation for him to read, although I kindly suggested this morning that he stop reading the blog.

It is too much temptation and I wouldn’t be able to stop either. So, the next best thing was to move the blog to a to him undisclosed location and hope that he doesn’t figure out where I am now by being so god darn smart. If I were him, I wouldn’t make the effort and let it go. I hope he is smart enough to do that. I also don’t want his paramount to start reading the blog. Yes, I wrote paramount and not paramour on purpose. Paramount means: commanding, controlling, dominating, dominative, governing, preponderant, regnant, reigning, ruling and I really have no idea if the poor woman is anything like that at all, but I liked it better than calling her a paramour which means: A person’s regular sexual partner.

What name shall I cal my ex? He is sort of a dominant person himself and preponderant and commanding, so I should come up with a good name that has that meaning in it too. No, I’ll just call them the Exfactor and the Paramount. The He and the She. I don’t have that many unkind thoughts about them, but I wish to be a little bit of mean about them sometimes, to get some of the frustrations out occasionally that I will never show in public. In public I will be a most reasonable woman who will not show the back of her tongue and who will always be kind and polite and who could Hillary Clinton look like she needs charm lessons.

I have had a most pleasant day so far, except that I asked the Exfactor to do me a favor and in his discombobulated mind he got things all screwed up and it took several phone calls to get it somewhat straightened out. At least to the point that it will hopefully be satisfactory to the people of the Social Services whom I will see on Tuesday. I should have taken care of this myself, but instead depended on the Exfactor’s stamina on his bike and his reasonable intelligence. I must remember not to do this anymore and depend on myself to take care of delicate matters, as it seems that our minds work differently. It must be the Venus/Mars thing. I will just have to try harder on my bike and not be intimidated by long distances and wind that blows straight at you.

Anyway, I vacuumed the apartment and polished the furniture and picked out a slipcover that my daughter had offered to buy for me as a housewarming gift for the new chair. I suppose I should have a housewarming party, but I think I am just going to wait until my birthday in September and invite a bunch of people over then. Hopefully, I will get very good gifts. I will start dropping very heavy hints soon. You can’t start soon enough with those things.

I filled two glass containers with different teas and one with pasta that I don’t eat, but it looks good. I have one empty glass container left for I don’t know what, so if anybody has an idea. It is airtight.

I went grocery shopping and spent 22 Euros and that should last me for the week and then I’ll have to get a few things for the weekend. Aren’t I a cheap woman? I even got very nice treats for the dog. I have to call him the dog now so he won’t be recognized by name. The Dog. The Uberhund! I bought some new cat kibbles that are a good brand, but just a bit cheaper and the cats like them very much. I always put down two bowls for three cats and one bowl is empty and the other is nearly so. Those troopers! They know we’re on a budget.

But guess what I just saw happen. The Uberhund was eating cat food! Aha! He ate all of it. Well, you know what that means. The cat food needs to be moved to the counter. That stinker, he has never done that before. I actually find it very funny, because Toby was convincing himself the other day that he liked the dog food. Well, now my wooden shoe breaks.

The Uberhund must think he has died and gone to dog heaven with all those dishes of good food and the snacks. I am trying to keep him on a diet so he doesn’t gain anymore weight, this will defeat all my efforts.

When you live by yourself, you have no dishes to wash, at least I don’t. I don’t cook for my self and eat simple food that is easy to fix. I have at the most a glass and a mug and a knife and a small plate. I rinse everything off right away. I never use the stove and I heat milk in the microwave. Milk with honey before I go to sleep.

Okay, that’s the end of the introductory epistle to this new blog. I’ve got some things left to do to it. Hope you are all going to have a great day. Oh goodness, it is Friday. remember how that used to be my favorite time of the week? Well, I have other days that are now, depending on what happens on them. I do like Saturday a lot now.

Ciao…

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Eduard has asked me not to write about him anymore unless it is in a businesslike way and he has asked me not to write about Lieve at all and especially not by her name. From now on I will refer to Eduard as Ed and Lieve as Lovey and I have suggested to Ed that he stops reading my blog. It’s a two edged sword, reading the blog of your ex wife. Enough said about that. Gggrrrhhh…

Being up early is the exception that proves the rule. I went to bed on time because I was just worn out, but I just woke up in the middle of the night all wide awake and ready to get up and have a coffee and a cigarette and maybe write a post.

Anyway, yesterday afternoon Ed and I went to my bank were he was taken off my bank account and my name was changed back to my maiden name. I also changed the account to an Internet bank account and automatically had a savings account attached to it, which is kind of neat, because i wanted that anyway. When I left the bank, the woman who had helped me shook my hand and said, “Goodbye Mrs S**ders,” which I truly appreciated, being addressed by my own name.

Even when I am home, I am filling out forms or on the telephone making calls to get things organized, but I think today will be a fairly calm day, because Ed has been so kind as to offer to go all the way to the housing corporation to pick up the rental contract for this apartment for me, which I need next week for my appointment with Social Services. The housing corporation is a long bike ride away from here and I really didn’t feel like making it and asked him to do me the favor. I have however been riding my bike an awful lot and have lost a couple of kilos these past weeks. Of course, I haven’t been eating that much either, what with my gastric band having been tightened and I subsist on a small amount of food.

Yesterday afternoon I was supposed to meet Ed at his work, but they were in a meeting there and I walked over to Café Monopole and had a glass of dry white wine on the terrace all by myself and it was very cozy. I watched the people walk by and watched the people watch me. Then I went over to M&S Fashion and bought a top on sale for 9 Euros. See, I do know how to amuse myself. Oh, that reminds me, I have to do my tiny little bit of shopping at the grocery store today. It’s so funny, the small amount of food I have to buy, even when you include the food for the animals.

I just got completely distracted making a shopping list and then I started to organize the kitchen shelves, but I see I need to do a proper cleaning and I better finish this post first, but it is funny that I can clean up the kitchen at 3:30 in the morning and not bother anyone. It’s amazing the things I can do at any time of the day, but especially during the small hours of the night. Those are the neatest hours.

Well, now I am going to end this post, because there are some glass jars that need a good cleaning and that need to be filled with some interesting things, such as different teas. Oh, such fun!

Have an absolutely smashing day and make sure you get enough sleep. not like me here who has a screwy schedule.

Ciao…

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