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Posts Tagged ‘men’

Darn, I haven’t done a damn thing all day. At least not any of the things that come under the heading of ‘household chores’. Everything is exactly as it was this morning when I got up, not one speck of dirt and not one dirty dish has been moved. Not that I have that many specks of dirt and dirty dishes, living here on my own and all that. I do have dog hair, however and I could have, I say, I could have, vacuumed today, but since the day is sacred, I thought I would not noisy it up with the sound of the vacuum cleaner. How is that for a fair set of reasoning? I am not even a religious person when I am in my right mind, yet I abide by the holiness of Sunday and always will.

Well, I did walk the dog numerous times and the first time was at 4AM, because he had to go badly and you don’t say it’s too early to a dog who has to go badly. I have fed him and the cats and given him his pills and his eye drops, so I have been a responsible owner, even if it is my day off. I have to walk him once more tonight and do his eye twice more and then we call it a day.

Remember when I was being all sentimental and so convinced that I should have a second dog and that I had to be talked out of that by my sister and my daughter and some other people? Well, these past few days the thought has been growing with me that after the Überhund is gone I may not want another dog at all, but just stick with cats. It would give me a lot more freedom to come and go as i choose and to spend nights away from home and make short trips. Now I am always rushing home at certain times of the day to walk him and sometimes I want to linger somewhere when there is a good atmosphere and a good conversation going.

So, I am going to put some deep thought into that. It is a whole new idea that I have to approach with a whole new attitude.

Well, what did I do all day? I hung out behind the computer doing all sorts of things on Facebook and on my new email address and on a new web group I joined. I frankly piddled the whole day away doing piddly things that don’t justify all the time I spent on them. Oh yes, I updated my profile on Hyves too, but that is no fun for you people because it is all in Dutch. Besides, I don’t move under my real name there, I am incognito.

I’ll tel you what I did on Facebook. I looked through the pictures of all the friends of my friends and when I saw a nice looking man, I wrote him a really nice message and asked him to be my friend. I only did it three times, so I was being very picky and they all live far away, so there is no danger of anything developing. Wasn’t that smart of me? I don’t know. It probably is going to backfire on me or something…

I just ate a bowl of asparagus soup and it is making me feel very sad. Does eating asparagus make you feel sad? Why would that be? Am I associating something with asparagus? I always think that the big ones look like circumcised penises, but that can’t be it. I have that sometimes with some foods, that they make me feel sad and I never know why. It is a feeling that passes after a while and I used to think it was like an allergy, but now I think it is maybe an association deep down in my subconscious.

I tell you, so much happens in my subconscious that steers me, that I am not aware of, sometimes I wonder if I have a free will at all.

It’s only just after 6 o’clock and I am already yawning. I can’t possibly be sleepy now. The Überhund is sleeping at my feet and snoring, maybe that is sleep inducing.

I tell you what. I am going to keep this short for tonight and watch some TV. The Netherlands are managing to win a medal about every day so we’ll see how they did today. That is, if I can keep my eyes open.

Have a happy what’s left of this Sunday. I’m not complaining about mine.

Ciao…

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It’s been another wonderful day here in the low countries. although living in the part that has the hills doesn’t quite qualify me for that, so the altitude must be blamed for whatever strangeness the day brought me. Call it altitude sickness at 90 meters height.

I was so not in the mood for ergo therapy and would have gladly bowed out, but I did that last week and didn’t think I could not show up again this week. I think it is because I am confronted with myself that I try to chicken out of it and pretend to be bored with it. I always make a lot of noise when we are told what our assignments are and balk at them quite a bit and state very clearly that I won’t be able to do them, because I feel to much resistance, and I do.

Today we had to make a drawing in sets of two and try to cooperate with each other to come to a somewhat pleasant whole. I felt ornery and not like cooperating and threw a wrench in the works by drawing flowers called “I want me nots” and one that was decapitated by the queen of “off with their heads.” In the sky there was an KLM airplane with escaping “I want me not” flowers, who were going to the Costa Brava to dance in discos. My partner drew happy blue clouds and a sun in the sky and a bird flying around and wanted to create a happy scene, but felt very frustrated by me. After talking about it with the instructor, we added a glass of wine and 5 cans of beer and a bowl of sour cream Pringles and a parachuting “I want me not,” who changed his mind and became an “I want some after all.” So all ended in laughter. I have been accused of having a sarcastic sense of humor. I said that happens when I feel cornered and I can’t get out.

Then I raced my bike to the pharmacy to get my supply of “make me feel better drugs” and the girl there thought there was a mistake in the way they were prescribed and I said that no, it was strange but true and I was the living proof of it. It bothered me that on the box I was still identified with my married name, when yesterday on my thyroid medicine I was on there with my maiden name. I must make a fuss about this. I can’t wait to get my insurance I.D. card in my own name, I know it’s on its way. Then I’ll really make some changes. I love being Irene S**ders. It comes out quite easily now and Irene is not a common name in the Netherlands, so I don’t meet many people with that name. They never look like me and I think they should.

I wasted an afternoon doing administrative work and cleaning up the house and walking the dog, whom I have discovered really understands three things really well and those are all you need to know. Those are the words NO and HERE and a good hard tug at the leash. If you say or do those things with conviction, you have no problems. All the rest is just extra noise to him that he does or does not listen to sometimes. I discovered that, because he has been testing me lately and I decided not to put up with any of his shenanigans and get tough with him and short. I saw he was waiting to see what I would do in anticipation and I tried to stay one step ahead of him. Darn dog, I’ll show him. The Uberhund, really. I am the Uberhund.

The exfactor and his friend Hans showed up at five to take his stuff to his new house. They loaded up the car quickly and the small trailer that fit the bed and some odds and ends, but took the time to have a coffee. Now this Hans is an artist whose wonderful contraptions could go straight into a museum as far as i am concerned. The man is a genius. He is also very good looking and quite sexy in an odd sort of way. I certainly would fall for him, but he is taken quite seriously. Still, he is a sight to behold and I enjoy that. I bet he looks great naked and I don’t think that about many men. Every once in a while you just meet one.

They didn’t get everything done today, so they are coming back on Friday. Mmm, get to enjoy myself again.

The thing in this apartment is, is that when you move furniture away from the walls you are either left with mildew stains or peeling wallpaper of both, so I have spent some time tonight getting rid of mildew and repasting wallpaper. I’ll have to paint over the mildew stains with special paint, which we happen to have some of and we had some thick wallpaper glue that will last for a thousand years. Besides, it’s where my new bed is going to go, so it isn’t such a big deal, but it’s a shitty apartment and you always have to have a window open because of the dampness of it. It’s like a cave. It’s got severe disabilities.

So, now I have to wait for my nice little single bed to get here. The bedroom is all ready for it. People joke and say that it’s going to get awfully cramped in my bed, but I think I will do quite well there on my own. That’s why I got it, to be there on my own. I I ever have another man in my life, he will have to sleep on the sofa or go home to his own house.

When the guys were loading up the stuff in the car, the Uberhund kept running in and out of the apartment and had a great time. he thought it was so exciting. At one point he came to get me, who was in the kitchen, but he wanted me to come and join in the fun of it. So, I took my coffee outside and sent admiring glances at the work that the guys did while the Uberhund stood beside me wagging his stubby tail. He is truly a fun and games dog.

Of course, he made a terrible big deal out of the fact that the minion cat was sitting on the Exfactor’s lap and he was ever so jealous and moaned and groaned like an old woman with arthritis. It’s all a terrible show he puts on. He does no such thing at any other time.

Now I am sitting here waiting for sleep to over take me, which it should any minute now. I feel it creeping up on me. I feel hunger in my stomach and thirst in my mouth, so I will go and satisfy them too.

Have a great evening, what’s left of it.

Ciao…

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I think I’ve got just about every document I need for my meeting with the man from social services tomorrow after noon, If i don’t have it, it is not for lack of trying. I have been running ragged collecting them all and making copies of them and just as I was doing that at my sister’s house yesterday, the ink ran out, so I had to abort that mission and go to the grocery store this morning to continue that. I had 11 pages left to copy and dreaded having to do it there, because I visioned badly run machines that would eat all my nickels and dimes, but nothing could have been further form the truth and all went smoothly.

I returned the items that I did not want for the dog and that was no problem and got him some new snacks instead that he likes very much. I even bought tobacco and have 11, 20 Euros left until Friday, which I think is pretty good, considering I don’t need anything else before that time.

I have decided to cut down on the coffee, I will no longer drink those huge two pad mugs of coffee anymore now, but I will drink the more demure one pad smaller mugs of coffee. I realized I was going through the pads at an alarming rate and I thought that was totally unnecessary, so I cut that down right away. Having never done any serious grocery shopping, I am finding out about al these things now and I can be a real cheapskate. It’s a challenge to spend the least amount of money and make the food last.

Out of the blue, I took a nap on the sofa this afternoon and was only awakened because the dog was barking very loudly. It turned out the girl next door was at the front door and had rung the doorbell but I had slept through that. I’m getting old, people. I woke up from the alarm clock this morning and had my leisurely hour drinking my coffee and petting the Uberhund. He is such a darling early in the morning and literally needs the sleep rubbed out of his eyes. Why have a grumpy man when you can have a sleepy huggable dog?

I hope I am never silly enough again to have the great misfortune to fall in love. I hope I am spared such a disaster. It would be such a worse state of affairs than the one I am finding myself in now. I suppose you have to be in the “falling in love sort of mood” and as long as I am not maybe it will never happen to me. I hope to God that I have learned enough from my “love” predicaments not to start down that road ever again. What I called love anyway, it may not have been the real thing at all, of course, but I am not going to bother to find out and put my feelings at risk and do any kind of experimenting. I thought I came pretty close with the Exfactor and if that is as close as I can get, I don’t want to find out how much closer I can get. Strike that one up for a pretty good experiment.

It turns out that the Paramount has more than one good male friend that she spends quality time with and the Exfactor claims that he is not jealous. He is all for given each other the space and freedom they deserve. He has a bigger heart than I have and doesn’t mind going where other men have also recently been. It is really an amazing thing, because the Paramount is not what we call mother’s prettiest. I wonder what the appeal is?

The Uberhund has found the one sunny spot in the living room and is curled up there now. It must feel good to him, to bathe in the sunlight like that. There is no sign of the cats. They have been hanging out outside a lot lately, no doubt because the weather has been so good. All is well, as long as they don’t make pests of themselves with the neighbors. Sometimes, one of them will take his life into his own paws and sleep on the new chair during the night, but as soon as I show up in the morning, they don’t know how fast to get out of it and make a beeline for the back door lest they get sprayed with the water bottle. I am mean like that.

Well, that’s all I ‘ve got. Tomorrow morning I’m seeing my SPN and in the afternoon I am seeing the man from Social Services who is going to make a determination about my benefits. So, you all keep your fingers crossed and hope for a good ending. I am a bit nervous, although i should not be, as I am an honest citizen.

Ciao…

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Thursday afternoon. Eduard has asked me not to discuss anything personal about him on my blog and he is right, of course. In my eagerness to tell my story, I do forget boundaries and I cross them and talk about other people’s personal issues and I should not. So, I am going to make it a point not to do that anymore. It may be difficult at first and I will have to carefully weigh my words, but I must make the effort.

For those of you who are concerned about my emotional well being, I must assure you that I am well. In fact, I am doing better than I have in a long while without going overboard. I am very sure of myself and I have made up my mind about a number of things and I feel comfortable with my decisions. Many issues have become very clear to me and I feel much less dysfunctional. I feel anticipation and excitement at the possibilities that lie ahead and I don’t feel an overwhelming amount of sadness. I know what makes me feel irritated and angry and I try to avoid those situations. I detach myself a lot and try not to get overly involved anymore. I do not feel desperately unhappy or unreasonably scared or frightfully lonely.

I feel just fine and I will keep feeling fine. I am looking into what sort of legal arrangements need to be made at the least amount of expense and stress. Luckily there is a free legal organization that helps you with all your questions. They have a visiting address and a website. I think we will be in good hands there. If Eduard and I can arrange this amiably, it should not be that difficult to take care off.

I am more than ready and I can already envision my freedom and I like the taste of it. During the day, when I am home alone, I pretend that I am and I like it. I am making arrangements to start up the daytime therapy that I was supposed to start in March. I have an appointment about that in June, on the ninth. I think I will start with one therapy and slowly work my way up to three. I will not chicken out this time. I think I will introduce myself to the group as Nora, as she is the emancipated woman who is going to do this all. It will be my coming out of the closet time.

Well, that’s all I wanted to say right now. I will talk at you all later. Ciao…

Thursday evening. Well, I’ve been comatose on the sofa for a while. For quite a while actually. Eduard walked Jesker and I didn’t even hear him leave go to his work. Now I’ve got the apaprtment all to myself again and I am playing all the new music that I uploaded to the Real Player from the CD’s that Eduard brought home from the library today. That’s to start filling my fourth MP3 player with modern music. I have turned it up a little hard and have the bass turned up too, so it really beats through the apartment. Oh, how I do like that. I am rocking in the desk chair. Now I need to make myself a mug of decaf and I’m all set.

The daytime therapy I want to start with is ergo-therapy, which sounds like erger-therapy, Erger is the Dutch word for to bother, so we actually call it to bother-therapy, because that is what it feels like. They try to pluck your mind through artistic methods, but I don’t mind. It is actually kind of a challenge. Once you know what the purpose is, you can work along with the process and achieve some results. If that works out and I feel comfortable doing that, I would like to try the creative therapy. I actually hope to meet some people there who are similar minded to me and who I can get along with and maybe make new friends. I need to broaden my social circle, especially if I am going to be a woman on my own.

I very much don’t want to include any men in my social circle unless it is clearly understood that they are included for platonic reasons only. I am, right now, so tired of the dynamics between men and women and the whole sexual attraction thing and the whole kit and caboodle that comes with it. I think I am permanently turned off and I would rather, more than anything, become an independent woman of my own with many other women friends. And dogs and cats, I must always have them for company. Jesker is getting old, but I will immediately replace him if something were to happen to him.

I don’t want my heart to be broken again, I know that for sure, and for a while it looked as if Eduard was breaking my heart deeply until I put a stop to it. I have made myself less vulnerable now, I have taken my love out of the equation and called it to a halt. I thought that there was no way I was going to let something like this happen to me again. Go crazy with heartache, no not me. I have let that happen to me in the past and I am not going to do that again. I will be a sage old woman this time. It’s not worth it to be trodden on by a human being who has his own interests at heart and get hurt by it. Remember, no drama!

Well, I will continue with this in the morning. Bright and early, no doubt. See you then!

Friday morning 5:30 AM. I doubled up on the sleep medication to make sure I would sleep well and I did. I won’t make a habit of it, but it is nice, every once in a while, to sleep later than I am used to. We have rain and thunder and lightening again this morning. I won’t be able to take Jesker out for awhile. I hope he is not in a hurry. He is going to be bathed and trimmed this afternoon and will look like a movie star when he gets back. Like an aging, overweight movie star. He’ll never get a starring role again.

I am very happily drinking my coffee and smoking my cigarette. My, life’s pleasures can be so small yet so meaningful.

Our electricity is going to be off between 9 and 12 this morning. They are going to be working on the cables. Can you imagine that I will have to do without coffee and Internet for that long? Luckily my sister invited me for coffee at 10 AM and she has a built in espresso/cappuccino machine, so her coffee will be very good, but I can’t smoke there. Oh well…

I have nothing to add. I’ve poked around in my brain, but there is nothing else there. I am going to take my medicines and get dressed and wait for the rain to stop so i can walk Jesker. So I’ll see you all later.

Ciao…

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Lake Wobegon Days.

Firstly, let me do a good deed for two people who made me smile especially wide when I read my comments tonight. All my comments make me smile as a rule, but these two made me smile more than usual and it is so funny that these two people both had the same sort of idea. They are Miss Understood and Stinking Billy who both sent me a silly poem that was just right to end the day with. I would like to give them this special award:

So, please pick it up and feel free to pass it on to others who made you smile today or any other day.

It’s a little past eleven PM on Tuesday night now. Eduard and I just came home from the film house where I leaned on the bar in my usual spot next to the nachos machine. A man and a woman came to stand there and they were obviously on a date, because the man said very apologetically to the woman, “Well, this is not the most romantic spot to drink our wine.” I could have told him that, because I eavesdrop on everybody and everybody feels that way about the nachos machine.

A funny thing happened. A volunteer colleague of Eduard tried to pick me up. He didn’t know who I was, but I knew who he was and I kept silent about who I was, so it was quite funny and we had a very animated conversation during which I was much flattered. His name is Milout and he comes from Morocco and speaks French fluently and his mother makes the best couscous. He talks very excitedly and with much body language and he is obviously an intelligent guy, but he was quite embarrassed when Eduard walked up to him and asked him in French if he was trying to pick up his wife. Milout said, “Oh no, she is your wife, surely not, you must be joking!” I was most charmed by this Arabic man who understands how to woo a woman. You don’t meet many men like that anymore.

Graffiti

Early Wednesday morning. I suddenly had to go to bed, I was overcome by sleep and nodding off behind the computer. That was before I took my sleeping pills, imagine me afterwards.

I discovered something about being wobbly on the bike. I realized since I had become so much calmer, that I did not need that much oxazepam anymore and that it was even starting to make me feel drugged. So, yesterday I cut back my massive dose of 200 mg to a more sensible dose of 80 mg, which is still a lot and suddenly I feel a lot more clearheaded. I needed them when I did and felt fine on them, but now that I don’t need them that much anymore , they make me feel drugged and drowsy. I am going to cut them down to 40 mg a day and stay on that amount, because I think I will always need a little and it is handy when I can increase the dose if I suddenly have to.

So, I am much less wobbly on the bike and can go at increasingly faster speeds now and that is ever so nice, like last night when it started to rain and we made it home by riding our bikes quickly between the raindrops and we hardly got wet. I am still having a tendency to veer to the right, but I feel much more secure now and that makes a lot of difference. I can’t quite say that I raced Eduard home, but I gave it a try anyway. He would always win that race. He’s like Speedy Gonzales.

Roadside Trees.

I saw my SPN in the morning. I told her about my newly acquired insights into my Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and she seemed relieved about that and said she had always been kept up to date about that by my psychiatrist and he had always shown her my emails to him about the subject. I showed her the notes I had made for myself and she asked if she could keep those. She said there is a bit of a waiting list for the personality disorder team, but that she would care for me in the meantime and that there should be no problem with the transfer of me from one caregiver to the next, that is all streamlined.

Actually, for me it is also a relief to have owned up to this bit of myself, especially when I read the various reports and letters about myself that I have always had the copies off in my big organizer. I was so obviously derailed and in such bad shape for such long time and there was such concern for me and my mental state of health. I have so stubbornly refused to see the writing on the wall these past 6 years or so, in the end I only hurt myself with that contrary attitude. It has to do with trusting other people and assuming that they have your best interests at heart.

I see it this way, manic depression is like an illness that you cope with and BPD is like a behavior disorder that you can teach yourself to change in.

Market Stall Shampoos.

Eduard and I wanted to have a cuddle moment yesterday afternoon, but we ended up having such serious talks about all sorts of things and then, worn out, I fell asleep. We are both going through a lot of changes right now and are discovering a lot about ourselves and each other. Sometimes it’s quite scary. I sometimes don’t know where we will end up. I do love him very much and am still very much in love with him. I realize that when I see him in a crowd, like last night at the café and I see him in comparison to other men, and I realize that I wouldn’t want anybody else. “It’s a puzzlement,” as the king of Siam said to Anna.

Oh, I am seeing the physiotherapist on Friday and I am looking forward very much as to what sort of therapy I am going to get. I am secretly hoping for massages, but I should be that lucky, right? “Please massage my back into the right place, thank you!”

I walked to my SPN’s office, which took me 30 minutes, and after that, I walked to the film house for some coffee and that took me about 30 minutes. I tried to walk straight up, but I think I may have given the appearance of a drunk woman. You know how drunk people really do their best to walk like they are stone sober? Well, I looked like that. I could have gotten a ticket for disorderly conduct.

Well, it’s time to hang up. I have to change my music download list. Fo
r some reason I thought it would be interesting to have a French rapper on it, but now it seems that every other song is one of his, so I am deleting him out of the system and I am going to find something better instead, so wish me luck. I was thinking of Linkin Park, but I think they may be a bit too hip for us middle aged folks.

Gotta set my priorities, am I hip or am I middle aged, or am I middle aged because I am hip?

Have a wanky wooly Wednesday and for all of you people who don’t have a queen, I say, try it, you may like it. There are some noble houses floating around Europe who could use a country to rule over symbolically. Then you wouldn’t have such abnormal moral expectations of your presidents. You could transfer all of those feelings to your Royal Houses. They’re good for that.

Ciao…

P.S. One for the road.

Market Stall Fabrics.

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Green Leaf


Very early Monday morning
. I woke up, “walked” into the living room, turned on the computer and then sat there like a zombie with my eyes half closed and drool coming out of my mouth. I realized I needed to sleep some more and stumbled over to the sofa, that is literally the word for it, laid down and was instantly asleep again. I’ve stopped drooling and my eyes are wide open and I can even hold on to a thought, so I think I may be awake now.

Jesker has decided that he needs to go out for a piddle now in the middle of the night, every night. He very impatiently starts pacing right beside me and if I ignore him he starts to make urgent little sounds. If I ask him if he needs to piddle, he barks once, so I let him out immediately, so as to not awaken the neighbors. He disappears into the dark, but if I listen carefully, I really do hear him piddle, so it’s not a trick just to get a treat. Afterwards, he goes to his pillow beside the bed and goes back to sleep with not a worry on his mind.That does explain his impatient presence beside my side of the bed when I get up a bit later than usual. My slow middle of the night mind had not put those two things together yet. Duh! I thought he just liked me very much!

Sitting behind the computer is becoming quite a chore with me slouching to the right all the time, but it does not stop me from doing so, that’s how dedicated I am. I actually have sore muscles on the left side from trying to sit up straight. I keep trying to invent new ways to sit in this chair so I won’t slouch, but I haven’t figured it out yet, slouch I will. Eduard timed how long I would last upright in bed yesterday and it took one minute for me so start slouching to the right. I was leaning into two pillows and drinking a mug of decaf, so it was in my interest to stay upright.

I looked at the insert to the medication that was last added and increased to my inventory off, but it didn’t mention this kind of problem as a side effect, so next I will read all the inserts to all the other medications. You start thinking of a type of neuralgia or MS even, but it is too much of a puzzlement to figure out on my own. We just don’t have those kinds of diseases run in our family anyway.

The Street

I used to have a medical book in the States with the most common diseases and I would read it and diagnose myself all the time with having all sorts of diseases. This was before I knew that I was manic depressive and I tended to have vague physical ailments, some of which had real causes and some of which didn’t. Anyway, every week I had discovered a new disease that I had, because I became convinced that I had all the symptoms. I saw that GP a lot and he became convinced that I was a mad woman, thereby missing the diagnosis of severe endometriosis for which I had to have surgery and a bad case of hypothyroidism, because I had cried wolf too often.

Nowadays I tend to ignore my body and be aware of my mind more often and I don’t see my GP that much, although I had to when I developed diabetes from being overweight and saw him when I wanted to stop living and very seriously asked him to help me step out of life with the help of the right medications, which he refused to do, so I had to take what I had in my possession and failed.

He misdiagnosed my problem with my eyes, which turned out to be caused by too much thyroid medication and which I had to solve myself. That bothers me. That’s why I am worried about going to him about my back and I asked Eduard to come with me as a witness to it, because he sees it happening all the time. I am always afraid of being not taken seriously enough.

I diagnosed my own diabetes and just had him confirm it, even though I had come with some complaints earlier about being thirsty and having to piddle a lot, amongst other things, and always being tired. I guess I don’t have a lot of faith in GP’s, but in the Netherlands, you don’t get to see a specialist unless you have been referred by a GP. I should probably see a neurologist if I am not mistaken.

Anyway…

The Plague House

Let’s not get all morbid here, Irene! Really! There are so many other things to talk about. Yes, but are they always on my mind? I have some other kinds of memories on my mind this early morning, because I dreamed about my ex again and I must do that about two to three times a month, so you see how I am not done with that at all. In my dreams, I am always angry at him and tell him all the things I didn’t say when I should have, because he was such a nice guy who wore a big sign around his neck that said, “Please don’t kick me.”

He was so full of incompetence as a partner that it still boggles my mind and I try to solve that in my dreams. Being married to a passive-aggressive person is the worst thing that can happen to you, because they don’t fight fair and square. You aren’t ever supposed to get angry at them, because they are so nice and they do their best and everybody is on their side, because they are such kind and jovial guys. Argh! Stay away from them as far as you can!

Uh oh, I think maybe I am married to a nice guy now, but there must be quite a difference in type, because I don’t feel all suffocated and strangled and I am allowed to get angry and he does reply to me. But yes, I am married to a nice guy, maybe that is why he is being recalcitrant right now. Hhhmmm…this needs further looking into. I mean, I came out of a two year relationship with a not so nice and very self centered person when I rediscovered Eduard. I was ready for nice.

Anyway…

City View

I am going to put this baby to bed, isn’t that what they say in the newspaper business? Or am I way behind the times? I’ve got some thinking to do.

“Slay many dragons, spare not a horse, save all the maidens, boredom is worse.”

Sing this to the tune of “Climb any mountain.”

Ciao, y’all…

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Market Square

So, I’ve done and read all the blogs and I ate some fruity non fat yogurt, but still my mind is on chocolate chip cookies, which we don’t have in the house, but which I can almost taste and is making drool form in my mouth.

Why do I have these food cravings so early in the morning? Well, somebody somewhere on some blog is always talking about food and very often about chocolate and that always gets my mind set on that track and then I can’t stop thinking about it. Sometimes I have enormous cravings for very sweet things and this is something I developed later in life, because when I was younger I was not burdened with this desire and could easily be left in the same room with a package of cookies or a box of chocolates.

Now I would probably steel the candy from babes’ mouths and eat it with spittle and all.

Okay, I’ll get my hungry mind off the food fixation and tell you that I found a blog that is politically and socially engaged and you can find it here. It is not often that I run into a blog like that, as most of the bloggers I meet tend to stay away from controversial material and disengage when anything possibly disputable comes up. I do have a little rant on occasion myself, but I get the feeling that I should not do it too often and that they are not subject matters that go down easy with people. So, I tend to tone it down.

I do so very much like people with opinions, though, and especially when those opinions mirror mine and are well supported. This does not mean that I do not tolerate other opinions, but they do have to be well documented in order for me to give them any credence, but I do admit a certain amount of intolerance on my part toward intolerant people. Ignorance is the biggest bane of mankind and it must be wiped of the earth in the shortest amount of time.

Anyway, so I read all of those blogs and I always come away thinking a hundred different things, but at the same time being unable to draw one big coherent conclusion about all of them, except to say that we human beings are so diverse and yet so alike and that women are more alike than they are different and that goes for no matter which country they come from. We express our sameness in different ways a bit, but the core issues are alike and make us all sisters and we all do battle with our men, whether or not we like them or love them or what.

Many of us seem to detect a great naiveté in our men and we all grumble and gripe about them and wish for them to be more like us and more vigorous in their treatment of problems in the emotional sphere. It seems that men are handicapped by their male hormones and are incapable of reaching inside themselves and reading any given moment for its sentimental value. They need to constantly be reminded to communicate their inclinations and persuasions and to show us their true desires. There is nothing more silent than a man contemplating his thoughts.

Women, on the other hand, are open books to other women, but incomprehensible to men, who can’t read all the emotions and words and exhibitions of the spirit. It is as if we speak in a language they don’t quite understand the subtleties of. They hear the words, but can’t connect them into meaningful concepts. Therefor the idea of the feminine mystique is born and are women really from Venus and are men really from Mars?

The best men and women have their feminine and masculine sides almost equally developed. I have always been fond of women who know how to handle power tools and I like a man who knows how to nurture a child.

Okay, enough of that and now for something that follows this line of thought:


You Are 61% Feminine, 39% Masculine


You are in touch with your feminine side.

Sensitive, intuitive, and caring are all words that describe you.

And you’re just masculine enough to relate to both men and women.

Oh yes, of course I still have to add one of Eduard’s photographs and when I tried that the last time I added one of these quizzes, it wouldn’t let me do it, but maybe it will let me add it at the top of this post, I’ll have to see what will happen.

This is a view of part of the Market Square on a Sunday afternoon when there is nobody there and no open air market. You can see how desolate the place looks when on other days it is quite crowded and there is a lot of traffic and there are lots of pedestrians, especially in the summer time.

Well, now I need to go back to bed for just a wee little while until I have to get up again to go to my SPN. You all have a terribly nice Tuesday, because Tuesday is such a kind day with no bad connotations at all, but no redeeming features either, come to think of it.

Ciao…

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