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Posts Tagged ‘subsidies’

I haven’t done a bloody thing all day, except for walk the Überhund numerous times at odd hours, sleep on the sofa several times, and get my hair cut in a really funky ‘boy do I look good’ style. Sometimes I sat on the sofa in an upright position with a cup of coffee and a cigarette and I would catch myself falling asleep with my head having fallen forward as if I was a rag doll that was falling apart.

Now, this is normal for me in the spring and in the fall, to go through these strange sleeping patterns. Last night I was up in the middle of the night, sitting behind the computer, doing things, and then I woke up with a sore head where it had been laying on the ridge of the keyboard. I do spooky things in the middle of the night again, but luckily, I had the good sense to go to bed and go back to sleep like a normal person and sleep until 7 AM. Still, that did not prevent me from feeling that I had to sleep some more during the day. I am like a cat, aren’t I?

I had a most wonderful time at the hairdresser, but I had already told you that I enjoy going there to watch the women get their hair done. I am always truly amazed at what a good hairdo will do for a woman, no matter how bad looking she is, but that may be the unflattering light around the mirrors that makes me say that. It does reflect you back in all your most basic glory. You need to squint when you look at yourself, or be extremely forgiving. Especially when you sit there with wet hair and a towel around your neck, you have a tendency not to look your best and you have to put on a brave smile and not be embarrassed in front of the rest of the customers. Even your well applied make up doesn’t look that good anymore.

Wel, you know, you grow up and you learn these things and you deal with them and you hope that when you are done you will have a brilliant haircut and that you will not have to sneak home to redo your hair quickly in the bathroom before anyone can see you and laugh at you. I happen to have a very good hairdresser who cuts my hair just the way I want it and we see eye to eye on what looks good. She never fails me. She is a treasure, but no matter what, newly cut hair is just that and you always want to fiddle with it to get it just right. I brushed mine two hours after I got home and then fixed it as close to how I wanted it as I could get it, but it won’t be perfect until tomorrow when I have slept on it one night. I don’t know why that is, it just is.

I talked to the Exfactor on the phone and told him that what I miss about not being married is the ability to tell each other the every day stories about the every day occurences involving the Überhund and the Minion cats. So very often I want to tell him something and then I don’t know if I should call him and share that particular story with him or not. It’s a little bit like having lost a very good friend. I suppose that we will work out some sort of working solution to this that will be non threatening and non invasive to the both of us. I don’t think either one of us has found another person to replace us with in that manner.

When I ask the Überhund if he wants to eat and I get out the bag of dog food, he walks away indignantly if he does not want to eat, so that message is very clear. There is no mistaking that. He stays away until he is sure that I’ve put the dog food away again. Since he is overweight, it is okay if he doesn’t want to eat twice a day, like he did yesterday. He had some little snacks today and a bowl of food and I guess that was enough.

I totally don’t recognize my sister in her new car. This afternoon she practically ran over me and honked her horn before I realized it was she. She is always coming and going and doesn’t have a peaceful bone in her body, she is so the opposite of me. She is very restless and always has to be doing things and have a full calender. I am more of the slow and contemplative kind. She is more of the fast and impulsive kind. She was 10 years old when I left home, so I have no idea why she turned out the way she did. I missed all that part of her growing up and didn’t come back to the Netherlands until she was 32 years old. I did see her in those years, of course, but I really got to know her once I was back here again. In some ways we are neurotically alike, in other ways we are very different. Of course, I am older and that makes a difference too.

I have official confirmation now that I am getting rent and healthcare subsidies. It came in the mail today and I am so relieved about that, because paying the full rent and the full health insurance fees has been expensive with the kind of money I have coming in. I will celebrate with a glass of wine once the money is in my bank account.

I have decided this afternoon to exchange the black cardigan for a smaller size. The one I had ordered was a little bit too big, I thought, I was not quite happy with it and arranged to have it picked up and have the other one delivered tomorrow. i think that is also the day that my ankle boots will be delivered so it will be a fun day all around. Oh, I do so love new items of clothing. I am a real woman, if there was any doubt about that. I may have been a tomboy when I was a kid, but somewhere in my thirties, my female genes kicked into action something fierce. I love and adore clothes, although I don’t spend a fortune on them, I am a frugal shopper. I like feminine things. I like necklaces and lacy bras and perfumes and pretty tunics and dresses. I love colors, besides basic black. Every once in a while I buy something that just doesn’t work out, but mostly I do a fair job. My mother would have been proud of me.

Well, now I am going to take this newly done haircut and the rest of me to the bedroom to get my pajamas on and then I am going to veg out in front of the silly box for some mindless TV watching. Soon enough, I’ll fall asleep and have to drag myself to my cozy bed. The Überhund has already gone there to lie on his pillow.

How wonderful that tomorrow the weekend starts. How sad that I will have to vacuum the whole apartment.

Ciao…

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Feeling frustration in real life, i felt I had to do something in my other life, my blogging life, and just for awhile I am going to try this design on and not have any naked ladies hang around the place. Sometimes it feels so good to make a change and it sort of lifts my spirit, but you will all have to let me know how this works for you. That may or may not influence me. I’ll see.

The wonderful news is, that the tax people just called and that they made a decision in my favor and that as of July the first I will have housing and medical care subsidies, so I have some money coming in. There was no problem at all and I could have reached over the phone and given that woman a hard hug. I had been so worried. So, something is going right today. On top of that, my older sister sent me some money which is enough to go to Ikea with to buy a rug for by the sofa to cover up two cigarette burns in the linoleum. My younger sister and I will do that tomorrow.

So, you see I do have some things going right for me too. Thank goodness for that. I will somehow remain eternally optimistic, as long as Visa comes through with the money, which I think they will. I have had a computer generated confirmation as to my request, so I assume all is well. At least after this phone call from the tax people, my stomach is not in knots anymore.

I got up rather early this morning and after piddling around behind the PC for awhile, i decided that I wasn’t properly awake yet and went back to bed, where i very promptly fell asleep and slept until 10AM, which was super, but after that, it was hard to get the day going, feeling like languishing in my pajamas and not walking the dog, whom I let piddle out back.

I drank coffee and smoked cigarettes and hung out on Facebook and generally wasted my time. Sometimes it is nice to be a lady of leisure, or pretend to be one. Jesker was very mellow about the whole thing and there was not a peep out of him. Sometimes he can be very demanding about wanting to go out, but at times he seems oblivious and just plops down and goes to sleep as if he knows I’m not in the proper mood.

I’ve done some housework, so I haven’t quite wasted the day and the apartment looks clean enough if you wear roller skates and roll through it really fast. There is always something undone and some area that needs my attention, but then I am not a stickler for details and I easily let things slide as long as it looks halfway decent. I do notice that everything stays cleaner now that I live here on my own. No dust devil here with motor grease.

What really amuses me is how little TV I watch. I really have to make the effort to turn it on and I don’t have a TV guide, so I very seldom know what’s going to be on, I only find out by chance. I try to watch the news, but very often even that slides by me and I miss what’s going on in the world and am a badly informed citizen. Do you think that can be held against me? Such irresponsibility. Neither do I read a newspaper, although I could easily read the BBC News on line. I think I’ve become to self centered in my little busy world.

The kids are back in school and every morning troves of them walk by the apartment with their parents. Kids of all nationalities. it is a regular melting pot an it gives me pleasure to see it. Some of the women wear head scarves and some of the black women wear reggae colors. They are all very colorful. The kids jabber in all sorts of languages plus Dutch. They all stop to look at the cats that sit in the windows. Nouri gets scared and runs away, but Toby and Gandhi stay put. They understand the protection of glass.

Jesker thinks he has to bark at everybody who looks in and thinks he is a great protector of all of us. he doesn’t understand why i don’t get upset and just sit there.

Some art:

I have a limp cigarette that’s being puled down by gravity when I try to take a drag off it. I guess it is a dud. You do get those sometimes. It’s real tricky to make good cigarettes, you have to get just the right amount of tobacco in.

Well, my dog wants to go out now and no amount of telling him to be patient is making a difference, so off we must go. I will put my walking shoes on and my jacket and put lots of baggies in my pocket.

Have a great day. I am planning on relaxing as much as possible the rest of the day, having no stomach tied in knots now.

Ciao…

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Because I had to live on a teeny little welfare check for two months, that was not even enough to buy groceries with, Eduard supported me financially the best way he could by also borrowing money and making ends meet. Because of this, Social Services sees this money as income and is therefor not giving me my regular welfare check for this month. As a matter of fact, I am getting no money at all. So, until September the 20th, I will have to live on the money I borrow from my Visa card, because money borrowed is not considered income, because you can show that you are having to pay it back. I can not receive money from anybody else, as that will be considered income and will be withdrawn from my welfare payment. I can submit an objection, but it is all going to take precious time and in the meantime I am going to be very poor and owing a lot of money.

Still, after the initial shock of it, I decided to put on my happy face and consider myself lucky that I even have a credit card with enough credit left on it that I can borrow the money from. I would have to go through all sorts of lengths to get money otherwise and frankly, I would not know how, except for hanging a red light in the window. So, I’m trying to look at it cheerfully.

The man who is handling my case at Social Services now is new and he thought that the money I had received from Eduard was an alimony payment and that I would get that much money all the time. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry and I told him that I was sorry, but that I had to pull myself together and that I would call him back shortly. I did have to pull myself together emotionally and I don’t like to do that while on the phone with a well meaning, but complete stranger.

This also explains why the tax people, who decide about my rent and medical care subsidies, told me they would call me back later this week between 1 and 3 PM. They are probably also assuming that I received a large amount of money in alimony payments and will forever. I sure do have some straightening out to do.

Anyway, this bright and happy news did set the tone for the rest of my day, even though I did not want it to, but I couldn’t help but be affected by it. The best thing to do is put on my brave trooper face and act like the whole damn thing is not going to get me down and it won’t in the end. I just hate bureaucracy and the stiff unbending rules that make it work against the little honest people. Eduard and I should have lied our heads off or have made different arrangements, but c’est la vie.

In the meantime, life at the Pondorosa continues with all the regular things that take place, although today was a little bit off. I did walk Jesker four times, but we didn’t make a long walk once, because he gets out of breath so quickly. He pants for a long time when we get back. I have been noticing that this summer. It’s not the heat, because it hasn’t been warm here at all for quite awhile.

I am having fun with Facebook, because this time it is I who picks out who I want to be friends with and I have a eclectic set of rules that only I understand. It comes down to instinct basically, guided by some very basic standards. I manage okay that way and have made some new friends. I even got Eduard to join, which is a miracle of itself.

Tomorrow I have wonderful ergo therapy and we will discuss detachment. I feel I have to crawl into my shell when I get bitterly disappointed, but maybe the thing is to seek your solace amongst people and their healing presence. At least I assume their presence can be healing. I am Irene the Brave, master of all my emotions. Right!

Eduard was here this afternoon, because his mobile phone is in my name and we thought his subscription had to be renewed and the person who owns the phone has to do that. It turned out that the subscription didn’t need to be renewed, it does it of itself, so that was a waste of time, even though they told us last year that we would have to do this. I had my passport and client number all ready for it too. Good intentions all the way down the line.

I am especially looking forward to going to bed tonight, even though so far I am postponing it, but it does mean an end to this rather disappointing day. At the same time, I don’t want to go to bed with even the slightest defeated feeling, so I am staying up until that is completely gone.

Jesker is snoring beside me after he has been very good about letting me put his eye drops in.

The differences between the cats and the dog are really so large. The dog is so dependent on me and the cats are hardly at all. Well, yes they are for their food and water and milk and they let me know very loudly when they’ve run out, but other than that, they are independent creatures that make up their own mind about when they come and go and when they need attention and how much they want. I am much more like a cat that way, because I like my independence too and I hate to be shackled to a time and a place and a person. I would hate to be a dog and I would probably bite my owner in his bum out of frustration. Maybe that’s why I am always so overly nice and patient with Jesker, because I would hate to be him and be dependent on a human being. I try to be an understanding human being for Jesker. I felt the same way when my kids were little and they were dependent on me.

I swept the apartment with a broom and a brush and dustpan this afternoon, because i thought the tax people might call me and I don’t hear the phone when I have the vacuum cleaner running. It worked equally well and you would be amazed by how much sand and hair I swept up. Actually, it was a meditative sort of job and kind of pleasant to do and I may do it again. The drawback is that I don’t vacuum the sofa and chairs then, so I will have to do that another time or wave my magic wand and have them turn out perfectly clean that way. Ha, I wish.

Well, I’ll end this epistle and go and do some other things until I am good and ready for bed. I could go on forever, but I don’t want to bore you with every tiny detail of my life, fascinating as it all may be.

See you all tomorrow, sleep tight.

Ciao…

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I think it is a minor miracle that I sleep the sleep of the innocents and don’t have nightmares about an avalanche of bills coming out of the mailbox when I open it and then realize the awful shortage of money I have and the inability to pay them and the way I rob Peter to pay Paul. Instead, I very rarely remember my dreams and when I do, they are fairly benign and nothing really awful happens in them, except that an old ex pops into them every once in a while, but they are easily dealt with and cause no grief.

The shortage of money is a thing I am trying to stay optimistic about and I keep telling myself that it is a temporary situation that I am juggling with now and that I won’t be having this worry forever. So, I try to let it slide like water of a duck’s back, but I do allow myself 20 minutes a day of giving it some serious thought. Thank goodness for very good anti-anxiety pills. I would be a blathering idiot in the corner of the living room refusing to come out of hiding otherwise. They’d have to lock me up in the anti-anxiety ward.

This morning I went to the bank very early, actually the minute they opened up and before they would all be busy helping hundreds of other customers, and closed one obsolete bank account that was only costing me money. Then I called the tax office and asked them about my rent and health care subsidies and they said I should be getting those just before the 24th of August, including those for July, if all goes well. It takes the tax people 8 weeks to process a request. Bah humbug.

The housing corporation, which had promised me that they would not take my rent until the 27th of August, has taken my rent out of my account on the 4th, leaving me short 97 Euros. Luckily, my Visa card had just arrived in the mail and I ordered them to put a supply of money in my bank account, which I will pay back when I get my next welfare check. Juggling, people, I am juggling. At least the rent is paid now, although it was not supposed to be.

How to live on the edge and not get too scared by it.

Luckily, I have my trusty Uberhund who needs my love and attention and his regular walks and his dishes of rice cooked in bouillon, because he had the runs something awful, but it is now all cleared up and we are back to normal again. Tonight, he is having his regular kibbles, much to his chagrin, because he really likes rice cooked in bouillon. I think I will make that as a treat for him on the weekends, even when he is not having the runs, because he loves it so and is aware of me fixing it for him and waits for it very impatiently. The cats think they like it too and hover nearby, but they actually don’t.

I am the listening post for my sister who is going through her divorce, but it is taking a lot of time and her husband still has not moved out, causing her a lot of stress, because his new house is not furnished yet and has no curtains. All is on order, but will take several weeks to get done. I will advice her tonight that he should move out anyway and go someplace else in the meantime. My sister is practically emotionally worn down.

My older sister and I speak on the phone several times a week and try to come up with solutions, but do feel a certain amount of frustration, as it is hard to interfere in someone else’s marriage. You see how mistakes are being made all over the place and how things could be done differently, but what can you do? Gentle hints and suggestions are it. They have a rebellious teenage daughter on their hands as well.

Let me tell you, I was so blessed with my kids. They were good kids. I was very lucky in that department.

Yesterday the Exfactor came over with a bag of brownies that they sell at the film house, but these were just a little dry and they were getting rid of them. Well, they didn’t taste dry to me at all and I thoroughly enjoyed eating them. I told you I’m a chocolate junkie. It is my downfall and I ate them unashamedly right in front of the Uberhund , because dogs can’t have chocolate. It is wonderful to be sinful in the food department once in a while and my stomach was very happy.

We had some very hot days and yesterday it was almost too hot to walk the Uberhund, but today at noon, there was a thunder storm and everything cooled off a bit. There is supposed to be more coming. I don’t mind the rain and the dark clouds, even though it does get gloomy in the apartment, but there is also a sort of coziness with the lights on. Not too many though, because it is my intention to get money back from the energy company at the end of the year, even though the rates did go up. I’m such a cheapskate!

Well, I suppose I will go and see what’s on the TV now. I think I missed the news, but I am sure there is some other mind numbing program that can soothe my brain into dull happiness.

Have a good one!

Ciao…

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I have a bit of spare time to write, as it feels like I have been running around like an idiot these past couple of days, trying to arrange all the pieces of my new life.

The things is, that no matter how many things I have to arrange in the shortest amount of time, the system is working and I have yet to run into a wall of bureaucracy and red tape. Everybody is doing what they are supposed to be doing, they’re just doing it awfully fast and I am caught in a slipstream of activity.

I really have to keep my wits about me and at the end of the day, I am just plain worn out and ready to lie down on the floor and not move again and have Jesker walk himself. I go here and I go there and fill out numerous forms and hope I fill them out right and won’t be caught for unintended perjury.

This morning at 8:45 I was declared unfit for work, for the coming 6 months at least, by the GP of the social services and in 6 months time they’ll see how I am doing. She said it was obvious just looking at me that I could not work. Fine, if that is the impression I make! She was quite impressed with my list of medication.

There are so many details to think off and my diary is filled with reminders of things to do. Oh, I just thought of another one.

I have set my alarm clock for 6 AM, so I will have an hour of quiet contemplation over my mugs of coffee and cigarettes while I quietly wait for the day to truly start. Otherwise I find myself rushing and I don’t like that one bit. I need that time by myself.

This afternoon Ed and I have to go to our respective banks and have our names removed from each other’s bank accounts, then mine needs to be put back in my maiden name and I want Internet banking. We tried to do this yesterday but could not get an appointment, because all the bank employees were busy. It’s good to see them working so hard for our money.

I need to find out by how much my rent will be subsidized, I think it is nearly by half. I need to find that out tomorrow. There aren’t enough hours in the day.

Sorry, I need to stop writing now. I need to call the tax office and have them stop paying me my housewife allowance, because I no longer qualify. “There are 6 waiting before you, please be patient and stay on the line.”

Have a terrifically wonderful day and keep your fingers crossed for me that everything will keep going this smoothly and that I will not go nuts in the process.

Ciao…

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