Posts Tagged ‘therapy’

This morning, during ergo therapy, I was telling everyone about my week and I was also telling them about the Überhund and his osteoarthritis and his cataracts and how he is getting old and is going to be showing all these old age disabilities. The leader of the groups asked me what was going to happen to me when the Überhund died and I answered that I was going to have a very tough time with that, because he is like my child and my whole day is centered around him.

This resulted in a discussion with the whole group about me getting another dog now, so that the loss won’t be as bad when the Überhund does pass away. Most people were for it and some had their doubts, but it did get me thinking and when I got home and found the time, I checked out some of the local websites of the Humane Societies where you can see a photograph and a description of each dog that is up for adoption.

I found one dog that is about 6 years old and a crossbred hunting dog. He is very friendly and gets along well with other dogs and likes to travel by car. The only problem is that he is in Heerlen, which is 14 kilometers from here, so I need transportation, although I can go by train.

I called my sister and told her about my potential plan, but she was very busy and gave me a very negative reaction to the whole thing. She could not explain at the time why she felt that way, because she had company, but she said she would call me back later. I am curious to hear her objections.

Apparently she had already given it some thought and had anticipated some sort of move from me like that, which is funny, because I never talked about it. Now I do feel that I have to have permission from my sister to get another dog, because I am dependent on her for transportation. Don’t you hate being in that sort of situation?

Anyway, I suppose I will listen to her arguments and then make up my own mind about it. I will have to get a collar and a leash and an extra pillow. I realize that two dogs will be extra work and extra costs in food and vet bills, but it should also bring two times the amount of joy and love.

If anybody has any feelings about this, please feel free to share them with me. I am open to all input.

Today, at ergo therapy, we discussed our lesser personality traits like I thought we would and I discussed the one I called my stand offishness, which is really a kind of detachment. It is strange, but other people don’t experience me that way at all. They think I am friendly and kind and open. They don’t realize that I hold back a lot and keep putting up that invisible wall.

We took turns leaving the room and the group had to pick a card out of the whole deck that best described the person that was gone. When I came back, they had picked for me ‘smart mouthed’, which I had to laugh about heartily, because I do have something to say always in a more or less humorous way. It’s a humorous sort of cynicism.

Anyway, the theme we are going to be working on is ‘detachment’ and why we have it and what function it serves and how we can possibly get over it without getting our feelings stomped on. It takes courage not to be detached and you get that way because of many experiences that taught you to be like that.

Now that I’ve got all me medications sorted out again, the leader of the group said I looked better than I had in a long time. It just goes to show you that I must not mess with my medicines. It’s a big no no.

Well, I wont quite say goodbye on this post yet, but save it for later tonight, after I’ve heard from my sister and what her arguments are. I’ll just save it for now. So you’ll hear the rest of the story in a while.

My sister called me back and was quite honest with me about why I should not get another dog at this time. She reminded me how expensive it is to take care of a dog properly, buying him good food, taking him to the vet, getting him groomed regularly and that this was already difficult for me to do for the Überhund, let alone for another dog.

She also thought that I was too attached to him and saw him almost as a human being instead of a dog and that I need to work on developing relationships with real human beings and that the Überhund can not be a replacement for having friends in my life.

She is right on all counts and I have changed my mind about getting another dog and will do what she says and that is take care of the Überhund really well and try to get some human beings into my life also. I suppose it is really good if you have a sister who tells you the truth sometimes.

So, that is the end of that short lived idea and in the meantime I am trying to get a hold of the woman who grooms the Überhund, as it is time for him to have a bath and a trim, as he is getting kind of stinky, according to my sister, which I don’t smell, of course, being with him all the time.

Well, it is now 5AM and just let the Überhund out in my bathrobe. That is, I let him run around out front while I stood by the outside door and smoked a cigarette while he did his business, he was in such urgent need.

I’ve got to visit some blogs. I am way behind on those.

Have a good day and don’t be having any sort of bright ideas suddenly without discussing them with your sibling first.



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It’s very warm and muggy outside and I just vacuumed my little heart out until the sweat trickled down my back and I said, “Okay, that is enough of that! No animals deposit any more hair on the furniture until the day after tomorrow.” Ha, wishful thinking. I even turned the sofa cushions and vacuumed the reverse sides, how’s that for good housekeeping? What made me do it? I don’t know. I was hoping to find a 50 Euro bill someone might have dropped there. No such luck, of course.

I wore my skimpiest dress, which is also my favorite dress, as it is very light weight and is has the least little bit of sleeves, well you can hardly call them that, They’re more like little shoulder covers and they show my lacy black bra straps. Woo hoo.

I need to take a nap….

Well, I wanted to take a nap, but then the phone rang and it was my friend Lucien who’s mother recently died, so we spent some time talking about that and when I got off the phone I made a shopping list and went to the grocery store, where I bought some of that very good pudding I like so much and so does the Überhund.

Then I called the Exfactor to see how he is doing and then I turned on the TV to see how the Netherlands did in the horse dressure and found out that we won a gold medal, which is very gratifying and the horse and rider did beautifully to a piece of music composed especially for them by Wibi Soerjadi, a classic piano player.

Then I took a nap and the Überhund had to wake me up, because he had to go out very badly, so I took my keys and let him run outside, which he loves and sometimes I just let him do that, I don’t put him on the leash and we circle the block and stay on all the grassy areas and he thinks it is great. I just have to be careful that he doesn’t cross a street, which in his exuberance he will do.

He’s been really good about me putting his eye drops in, because he gets a reward afterwards, so not a grumble out of him. Today some junk came out of his eye and I’ll take that as a good sign. I wiped it right out and it was clear and whitish.

The Exfactor is going to the University Hospital here in town for his follow up on his broken wrist, which I think is good, because it is a very large and modern hospital with all the latest resources. They will put a new cast on his arm, because the one he has on now is quite uncomfortable. Somehow he manages on his own and can even walk to the store with his badly banged up knee to get his groceries. I am glad about that, because I would hate for him to be in a position where he needed to be taken care of. My sister offered to help him, but I think he turned her down, as he is stubborn and wants to do things on his own. He is even talking about going into work as soon as his knee gets a little better and he can move the fingers of the arm that is in the cast better.

Tomorrow morning I have ergo therapy and I am already hot and bothered about it, no, that’s from the weather, but I know she is going to discuss our lesser personality traits and I already know that I am not willing to give any of them up. To me, giving them up would mean being the opposite of them and that is how I used to be and I don’t want to be like that anymore. The only one I would find worth considering changing is the one that says I am remote or stand offish. I am friendly, but not easily approachable, but through pain and shame you get very wise and that is what 14 years of being a psychiatric patient has done for me. It has put up an invisible, but impenetrable barrier between me and my fellow human beings.

So, I will make a concession on that one, but not on the other ones. I will stay cynical and foolhardy and strict and detail oriented. I’ve worked hard to become those things and I am not going to let go of them and become less of them than what I am. I especially like being cynical, as I see people around me who are not and who are foolish and get themselves into all sorts of awkward situations.

My sister is so naive, that for 12 years she thought that dandelions were called dandy liners, because someone in America had told her that. That’s what I mean. She told me that’s what they were called a few months ago and I had to set her straight with some effort. This is just a minor example, of course. She also thinks that young bachelor men don’t go to the all naked sauna to look at naked women, they go there out of their high moral principles. Do you have a Brooklyn Bridge you want to sell or some property in Florida?

I don’t think you can get through life without being cynical. I think it is a great asset and I think back in humiliation to the time when I wasn’t and I took everything at face value.

Well, anyway…

Two cats are transfixed in front of the window by events that are not taking place in the street. They just act like there is something to look at and pretend it is of great interest to them. It could be a falling leaf. I always hate to close the curtains in the evening, because I feel that I am robbing the cats of their amusement factor and I always wonder why the Überhund never looks out the window, when all he has to do is get on his two hind feet. He absolutely shows no interest, except when people stop to look at the cats sitting there. Then he starts barking madly and scares everybody away, including the cats.

It’s time to call a halt to these proceedings. I am going to mindlessly watch some TV and eat toast. In my pajamas.

Have a great whatever you are having. Morning, afternoon or evening.


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I was grooming the Überhund today, combing him all over and checking for fleas by the light of the front window, when I noticed that at a certain angle of light it looked like his right eye had a dull sort of glow to it. I immediately thought of cataracts and took him to the vet at 6:30 PM. The vet took one good look at both his eyes and told me that the Überhund had cataracts in both his eyes. I asked him if that is why he bumped into things sometimes, and he said yes, if the sun is at a certain angle it will affect his vision and he wont see much. He also said that it was to be expected with a dog this age and that his own 11 year old dog has cataracts, and that he is not in favor of surgery at this age.

He also said that The Überhund has an eye infection in his right eye and I have to put in drops 6 times a day, so I am having to be very disciplined and hope for the Überhund’s cooperation.

He was really good at the vet, even though he is scared, but he is getting to know the vet and the vet has a good way of handling him and I think the Überhund is getting to be more at ease. The vet’s own dog lies under his desk very quietly and puts the other dogs at ease. I try to be as mellow as I can be to put the Überhund at ease.

Of course, the Überhund is getting old and is going to be showing all sorts of ailments now. I love him just the same for it. As long as he gets around as well as he does there is no problem. He hops and skips and runs, so he is doing alright. Just once in a while he walks kind of funny, just temporarily.

So, that was sort of the end of my day. In the middle of the day I spoke to the Exfactor on the phone and found out that he had a motorcycle accident and had broken his wrist. Apparently he slipped on some gravel on the road in Belgium and was taken to the hospital there. He is with the Paramount now, but he said he was going home tomorrow. His arm is in a cast and he may need some surgery, which I think he should have done here in the Netherlands.

In the morning I had a normal time, because I went to creative therapy and munched on good cookies that they alway have there. I was actually creative to and worked on my collage booklet. I am doing something complicated now which I won’t try to explain here. I am to tired to try. It involves a medium and putting down pictures upside down and uncovering them again.

I am so tired that I am having a huge craving for something very chocolaty and cold and creamy and very filling. I don’t have anything like that in the house, so I have to come up with something else instead.

Sorry people, I have to quit and put my pajamas on and find some comfort food.

Have an interesting eventful day, without any victims.


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I hope I have the wherewithal and the  energy to finish this post, because I feel like I’ve had a long day, when in reality not all that very much has happened in it, it just seems that way.

I got up early, but kept toppling over behind the computer and finally gave in and went to sleep some more on the sofa with a confused Uberhund by my side, who wanted to be petted, but I was too tired to raise my arm.

When the alarm clock went off at 6 AM, I was ready to get up and made myself a strong coffee and a piece of toast and was then more then ready to take the Uberhund for a very vigorous walk around the neighborhood. The fresh morning air works like a potent waker up and I always feel invigorated when we get back to the apartment where the Uberhund immediately goes back to sleep. I got dressed and made up and made a supply of cigarettes and contemplated my navel before I set off for my ergo therapy.

I am really starting to enjoy going there now, as I am becoming more familiar and comfortable with the other people in the class and less intimidated with the projects that we have to work on each day, as I have decided to tackle everything with humor and sarcasm, which is one way to overcome my resistance and inhibitions to the difficulties of the subjects. Somehow, this is accepted from me and almost expected now, although not everyone is always comfortable with it, as I can be rather confronting. Sometimes I am larger than life.

Today I was up to my usual shenanigans and was able to have some people join into the fun and set the tune to the subject and got it going into the direction I wanted it going in, which gave me my hilarity while learning something about myself at the same time, namely that a dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste. What is to become of me?

When I was done making a pest of myself there, I went home and walked the Uberhund and went to the grocery store where I bought some of that delicious bread to make toast with. I hauled a big shopping bag of groceries home and I am getting quite adept at that while still managing to ride my bike in a straight line and taking the corners quite nicely.

Then I took a lunch break and after that my sister came and picked me up, because we were going to have tea at the Exfactor’s house. He had invited us to come and see where he lived.

I have mixed feelings about the visit. It was interesting to see where he lives, in a big chilly house that is partially furnished and has a big beautiful garden, but seems like a kind of lonely place to be.

The Exfactor was his usual talkative self with all of his opinions on anything and everything and that sort of wore me out, because it reminded me of being married to him and it made me feel half defeated and tired. He talks a lot and likes to be the center of attention and have an opinion on everything and be right about it. I felt all of my energy drain out of me and tried to tune out as much as possible or change the subject to something completely different.

On the way home, my sister said, “There is a man walking around with his soul under his arm. I think he is very unhappy.” I thought about that for a while and tried not to let the thought bother me, because I am happy and I don’t want the thought of the Exfactor being unhappy destroy my happiness.

So, when I got home, I called him and asked him point blanc if he was unhappy in that big empty house by himself and out of that ensued a conversation that we should have had some time earlier about the end of our marriage and how our lives were going now and how we were changing and how much we still worried about the other person and it actually turned into a good conversation and at the end of it I felt better about him being on his own and being able to take care of the details of his life.

There is not a hair on my head that thinks about sacrificing my happiness in order for him to gain his. I fiercely protect what I have now and will not give it up for anything. I would run away from home before I would sacrifice anything. I love my life and want to keep it just the way it is.

So, I am very relieved that the Exfactor doesn’t need an rescue effort, because I wasn’t the one who was going to do it. I would have recommended therapy and a social worker. Some intervention team.

It seems that he sees the Paramount almost every weekend, so I am unclear on that situation and I don’t want to pry. I don’t know if that meets his expectations or if he is not content with that.

Anyway, I did get just a bit emotional about that, but then again, I did manage to pull myself back together again quickly. I do know how to watch out for myself and how to not let myself get pulled in to a long drama that has not much to do with me in the end, callous as that sounds. I am involved, but only up to a point. I hate to get over emotional about these things.

It is so nice to walk into the apartment and be surrounded by the animals and my things. I really feel comfortable here and it is a safe place for me to be. I feel very much at ease here. I cherish the time I spend here on my own.

Well, now it is time to walk the Uberhund again for the last time today. It is his biggest joy, to be walked. I enjoy it too.


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For some strange reason, which I am not in the least concerned about, I am back to falling asleep early at night and waking up in the wee hours of the morning. It seems to be a natural way for me to get through my 24 hours of the day and it is only a problem if I can’t get a nap in some time during the day. Usually I manage that some time in the morning, but this morning I have to go to creative therapy and I hope I can find an interesting activity that will keep me awake and alert.

It is confusing to the Uberhund when I get up so early and he comes out with a look of doubt on his face and has me pet him a lot to be reassured that everything is okay. Then he hesitatingly walks back to the bedroom to get some more sleep,  because he is a sensible dog.  I think he really likes the nighttime when he doesn’t have to be alert and present and he can really fall into a deep sleep.

My sister came back from her vacation yesterday and had a nice tan to show for it. She looked great, but she was wearing the wrong clothes, because it was very cool and rainy here. Her soon to be ex husband and she took turns spending a week each with their kids in an apartment in a small town on the Costa Brava, where the kids learned how to scuba dive. Apparently, this is a town where Spanish people go on holiday and there weren’t many foreigners there and the food was delicious.

It is impossible now for me to talk about food with any pleasure at all, as my gastric band seems to have gotten tighter and the portions I can eat comfortably have gotten much smaller over the past two weeks. I had to make some adjustments for that and was overeating at first and suffering with the results of that with pain and regurgitation. I now have figured out how much I can eat all at once and it is very little and I think that the gastric band will not have to be filled again.

I had heard that this sometimes happens. That some weeks after it has been filled again, it suddenly seems to get tighter and you can eat less all of the sudden. When you are not aware of that at first, you make the mistake of eating the same portions you were and getting sick.

So, to me eating food is very much about being physically hungry now and nothing else, because I associate it with discomfort and not with pleasure. I really have to think about how much I am going to eat and about when I will eat again and if what I eat will be nourishing and filling enough to last a while. There can be no empty calories, there has to be nutrition in them. Yesterday, for instance, I had a piece of toast of some very good bread. One hour later, I tried to eat a one egg omelet, but only could eat a few bites of it and I was disgustingly full and had to stop eating and give the rest to the Uberhund.

Hey, I would be a very cheap guest if I came to stay at your house, it takes so little to feed me and you wouldn’t have to take me out to a restaurant or anything. I can’t even eat the kid’s menu or an appetizer.

Actually, I would make a lousy house guest, because I smoke and drink coffee constantly and you won’t let me do that at your house, so, unless you have a nice climate and a comfortable veranda to sit on, I won’t be coming by any time soon. I do so hate to give up my pleasures.

Well, that’s it for me for today. I must go and try to eat some toast and stare at my navel for a little while in my ever decreasing stomach. Did you know that I have a very hollow navel, because the midwife put a heavy coin on it to make it an “innie”, only the coin was too heavy? Maybe my mother told a great big fib and I will go on believing this even though it isn’t true at all.


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I am sitting here with my daft head thinking strange things, because I am not quite wide awake yet. It is too early to be awake properly, yet this is the second time I am tonight. I thought what my mot de garde would be and it would be something like “no pain, no gain”. In my sleep foggy mind I imagined we had founded a literary foundation and each of us had to have a slogan like it, that was only known to us insiders. Talk about wanting to be exclusive. Of course, I thought if I can’t be creative in the fine arts, I must try and be it in the literary arts. God forbid that I should turn out to be only mediocre at anything. What a waste of a wonderful mind that would be…

It may come to that yet. Embrace mediocrity, Irene. Yes, humbly I will. I will accept that I am just an ordinary person with no special talents at all and that, at heart, I am just an interloper trying to pass as something other than le petit citoyen that I am. Bourgeois! Oh, the shame of it, the embarrassment. I weep. I hide my face in my hands. I sob. Maybe I can be a dramatist. There may be hope for me yet.

Well, like Babaloo says, there are those of us who do art and there are those of us who criticize. She didn’t quite say it liker that, but I am taking literary license. We less gifted people who stand back and admire or disapprove, as you will. I once went to an exhibition of German expressionists and left there with a headache, that’s how impressed I was, I will never forget it, but was it supposed to make that impression on me? The much touted about exhibition of the impressionists at the Los Angeles Museum of Modern Art left me rather unmoved. It was as if I was looking at reproductions. I didn’t get any goosebumps. A Frans Hals painting at a museum in Berlin left me weak kneed. I wasn’t expecting it there. The paintings of Frida Kahlo move me very much. I like any jubilant painting, a painting that can’t help but be happy about life, no matter it’s subject.

Well now, how did I get here? Oh yes, being a critic. There is a preschool close to here that has some art by three year olds hanging up in its front window and I would love to frame it in some nice pas par touts and hang it up here above the sofa. It is so uninhibited. I don’t think any three year old has that talent. Some of them just make a mess of it.

The painting I liked best that my son made, was the portrait he made of himself. I am sure his father has it somewhere, because I know we wouldn’t have thrown it away. It was so refreshing, and shocking almost, to see how he saw himself as a five year old and how close to the truth that was, including his adorable butch crew cut and bright blue eyes. Children should be taught art by real artists when they grow up and not to learn to color within the lines.

I love how the Uberhund has accepted me as the Alpha dog and goes wherever I go. He is always within a few feet distance of me. Now he is snoring away beneath the computer desk. It is very good to feel such loyalty from an animal and I feel very privileged. I must always take care to give him the proper attention he deserves and to never neglect him. I must remember to give him his cuddles regularly and not be autistic about that. Luckily, he is very good about demanding his time with me. He just shoves his nose in my hands.

He is very good about letting me know when in the evening he wants to go out. He doesn’t like to wait until 10 o’clock, that’s too late for him. If I tell him it’s too early, he barks at me and starts pacing up and down impatiently and doesn’t rest until I have put on my shoes and then he is so happy, he does pirouettes. That’s not bad for an old overweight dog on a slippery floor.

He tries to be very bossy on our walks and he has been testing me a lot and I really have to be firm and drag him away from areas I don’t want him to go to. That’s hard to do with a 20 kilo dog who’s stubborn. A very loud voiced, “No!” does wonders. Sometimes it’s confusion and sometimes it’s plain stubbornness. You can be too kindhearted to your dog too, thinking, “Well, it is his outing.”

I am listening to the last MP3 player I downloaded and I am pretty happy with it. It’s better than elevator music. It’s cocktail party music. Some of it is “Let’s get between the sheets” music. It’s a good thing I am home alone.

Oh, I have t see my SPN this morning. I think I won’t see her every week anymore. It isn’t really necessary, because all I do is sit there and tell her how well I am doing. You can only talk about that so much and then you are done with that. I also wonder if the people at the day therapy wonder what I am doing there, because i am not showing any obvious signs of any affliction. I’ll be lucky if I get to finish my 4 months there. Sorry, this patient does not need out highly qualified care. She is too normal.

I’ll get sent out into the real world, you wait and see.

The Exfactor is coming to fix my bike this afternoon. For those of you who are wondering, he did tell me last time how much he enjoyed his freedom of responsibility and care. How he liked only having to worry about himself and to only think of himself, so the same story that is true for me is true for him. He likes coming and going as he pleases and not being bogged down in a traditional relationship. So, don’t feel sorry for him, because this is what he wanted, except that I made him choose for it sooner than he wanted to. In the end, we both got what we wished for.

Well, that’s it for me now, my dears. Happy Tuesday to you. For those of you where it is still Monday, there is the Monday post too.


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I just finished filling up the fourth and last 1 GB MP3 player and I tell you, it looks like such an easy little job that you’ll just do in your spare little hours between everything else. Well, it is not. It takes hours to find the right music and fill those suckers up and, of course, once you start, you can’t stop. At least I can’t, because I am so obsessive. I want it done and I want to listen to it. Well, now I am and I still have the other three to listen to properly, but at least I know that I don’t have to do this anymore and that I can get back to my normal life. Jeez, get with the program, Irene!

I have neglected my housecleaning and my poor animals and I have not given them special belly rubs and talked to them all nicely and given them extra treats because they were being so good, I am a bad mother. I should be put in the hall of shame. The Uberhund was so patient with me. he looked at me longingly, but my eyes were fixed on the computer screen and my hand was attached to the mouse and I barely petted him.

Well, I guess it wasn’t all bad, I did take him for his walks and pick up his turds and dispose of them properly, and I did make a big deal out of him when I came home and he was waiting patiently by the door. You should hear the endearments I call him. You would be embarrassed for me. They’re hard to translate into English, Ha, that’s my excuse and that’s my story and i stick to it. Somebody has been commenting and telling me that a lot lately, but he is a mystery person to me. It’s probably John.

I went to creative therapy today and worked with clay. I attempted to make a woman’s head. It was very funny. I got the general shape right but she could have been an old croon or an old man. She had no upper lip. It was completely hidden away behind her extremely large nose. She also had very large nostrils. She had no forehead and very heavy eyebrow ridges, Sort of Neanderthal like. I did get her cheekbones right and her eyelids. I didn’t bother giving her ears. I figured that was too hard and I gave her hair instead.

The instructor came I sliced a good part of her nose of and remodeled it and then we could see her upper lid, which she turned out to have after all. It did improve her appearance a bit, but she still looks like an old croon. Maybe I am a character artist and I only do funny heads well, by accident.

I didn’t quit and made a new head avoiding all the mistakes I made in the first one. Now I made a woman who looks like Barbara Streisand, she has the nose and the heavy lidded eyes. At least she looks less like an old croon, but it isn’t art. So I give up on the clay and next week i will try something else again until I find my specialty. Which may be bookbinding or something like that. I am a pathetic student of the arts. I know what I like , but I can’t make it. Here I thought I was, and had the reputation of, being artistic. It’s all a damn lie, I tell you.

Well, luckily, it was finally time to go home and I hopped on my bike and when I was almost home, it started to rain like crazy, so I peddled like mad and got wet anyway.

My new second hand bed is going to be here on Thursday and I think the Exfactor is coming to get the double bed on Wednesday, so that means one night on the sofa, but it does give me a chance to clean up the bedroom really well. There are going to be huge dust bunnies under the double bed, I know that for sure and God only knows what other surprises. I do have three cats, after all. I just hope there is nothing dead underneath there. Like a petrified mouse. I found one once when I moved the bookcase.

I am making a new friend at the place where the therapy classes are held. There is a common room and veranda where everybody from all the classes have their breaks and I met someone I know from an earlier time in the hospital. We hit it of right away again and I think she and I will end up being friends again. We’re just testing the waters now. You have to when all of you come with an instruction booklet. You just take it nice and slow.

I said to everybody that I was getting a single bed on Thursday and that they knew what that meant for my future life as a single woman, didn’t they? They all had a good laugh about that.

It does mean a lot of room in the bedroom to roller skate in and do other activities that need a lot of room. Like playing croquet, for instance, or shuffleboard.

Well, now I am going to end this and sit down on my rear end on the sofa, because I have a sore butt from sitting in his computer chair. Oh yes, will somebody give me Kaycie’s proper website address? I think I am looking in the wrong place. Is she no longer living in the Bible belt?

Have a terrific day. Be artistic and spread your knowledge to us less gifted people. We poor souls.


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