Posts Tagged ‘politics’

Thunder and lightning.

As I write this, it is thundering and lightning again and I hope to God that the electricity doesn’t go out.  I do have a flashlight and candles and come to think of it, maybe it wouldn’t really be such an awful thing, if not a little spooky, but I do have the Uberhund to protect me.

One time, when I lived in Sonoma on my own, there was a huge storm and the electricity went off and I sat in front of my bedroom window at night with a candle and watched the spectacle of the lightning and how the wind blew the debris across the street. It was actually a little bit exciting and a moment in time I won’t forget.

That was a time in my life when I lived on my own and wasn’t happy about it, even though I had the cutest apartment and had it nicely decorated. I felt lonely and the walls felt like they were closing in on me if I was alone there too much. I felt I was in desperate need of a man then and being desperate for a man is not a good state of mind to be in, because it means you will settle for less than you deserve.

I had an on and off again relationship with a very confused individual who wanted his freedom and me at the same time. Unfortunately, I believed I was in love with him. Looking back now, I realize it was an obsession that I needed to be cured off. It was one of those relationships that make you feel that you have been in a bad car wreck when it is over and takes a long time to recuperate from. Badly battered and scarred emotionally.

I saw lightning storms in the desert that looked like a curtain of lightning bolts coming down in the distance. That was an awesome sight, because it was almost silent and very warm were I was.

Have you ever seen the sun come up in the desert and see it paint the nearby mountains pink? And did you ever see the desert sky at night and see so incredibly many stars that you thought that the whole firmament was going to fall down on you?

I have very many fond memories of the desert, because I experienced them all in relative luxury, in air conditioned houses with swimming pools. But they were built out in the canyons between the foothills and there was no better place to be. The heat is incredible and you wonder how the pioneers ever managed, especially the women in their long skirts and sleeves. They were tough people.

My first father in law had a small mine in Death Valley. He wanted to exploit it on a bigger scale, but didn’t get permission from the government, although he tried for years. One of the things that was there was gold and he had gold nuggets in his possession. He used to go there on long weekends and take his kids when they were little and they caught lizards to keep as pets, much to the disgust of their mother. My father in law died believing that one day he would exploit that mine out in the god awful heat of that deadly place.

I really liked my father in law, although he considered himself to be a conservative Republican and he was a bigoted man of whom I always thought I could change his mind given some time. He spouted a lot of right wing rhetoric that stood directly opposite to my opinions, but I couldn’t dislike him for it. I figured he was lost somewhere in his upbringing and his lack of exposure to other points of view. I never took him seriously and laughed at him a lot and he didn’t mind. I think he secretly wanted to think differently, although he did think that Franklin D. Roosevelt was the worst thing that ever happened to America.

I lived in the United States for 22 years and have a myriad of impressions and stories. As I grow more comfortable in my new skin, I will be able to tell you some of them. There is enough time and distance between me and those memories now. I was married to a republican. Somehow his political points of view got lost in the translation when we were still dating. I came from a socialist family and married into a very conservative and bigoted family. I suffered quite a culture shock and no one took my points of view seriously, because I was so young. My sisters in law were born again Christians, woe is me. They did like their glass of wine, though, and all the guys liked their beer very much.

I fell into a deep dark cultural hole for a long time, until I grew up and made my own friends, but I sure am happy to be a socialist Dutch woman again. Phew, it took a long time.

Now I am taking myself off to bed. Wishing you all the best and much freedom of thought.



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Yellow Pepper

Wednesday afternoon 1 PM. Oh, I had such a lovely sleep this morning. I went back to bed a 7 AM, after having been up nearly all night, and I didn’t wake up until nearly noontime when the phone rang and it was my sister who wanted to take the dogs to the pond. Much as the day beckoned with beautiful sunshine outside, I didn’t go with her, but very leisurely drank a mug of coffee and very slowly took my time to wake up properly. That was lovely in itself.

Today is the first day, since the radical increase in my mood stabilizer, that I actually feel totally calm. It has been increased by a third on Saturday and I think I am reaping the benefits from it now. I am still sitting here in my red bathrobe and actually give a hoot about getting the show on the road. It is all okay with me, in a little while I will get dressed and look pretty for Eduard, who is home already, because he has to work tonight.

Frances has given me a very good name for the images I make that I have been calling incompletes, she said to call them metamorphics and so I shall, because it is a very good name. Another name she suggested was organics, which also would have been appropriate, but since I have metaphore in my blog name now, I go with metamorphics, although I agree that they look very organic and alive somehow. Maybe biotronically so.

Egyptian Shield

It’s been a real challenge making these and remembering what I did right and what doesn’t work. Sometimes I make the same mistake three times, before I remember what I am supposed to do. You can see, I am not big on taking notes, but leaving it all up to chance.

I wish I could share my feeling of serenity and tranquility with you. I am on a smooth sea between storms. On the Pacific when it really is passive and peaceable. When dolphins swim and tumble along side your boat. That is not a fantasy, I have really seen that happen when I was out deep sea fishing in Mexico. The sea was blue and so was the sky and I was not seasick one bit.

We never did catch that marlin, but the trip was fantastic and I won’t ever forget it. It was like being in a book about a woman set out to sea who would never come back.

I find that in the United States I was much closer living next to nature than I am here, especially when I lived in Northern California in Sonoma County. There was nature in all of its glory all over the place and I felt like I was one with it and that I was as organic as all the earthy objects around me. The sea, the sea, like Iris Murdoch wrote. It was everywhere and ominous and beautiful and also terrifying. And the hills that were like hands that held you and the cows that grazed at the bottom of them in the fields. The lonely light houses and the whales that passed by in the near distance, so alien from us and yet so familiar, as if they were our cousins. Did they know that, that we revered them?

And then all the rivers that ran through the landscape and one, the Russian River, that ended in the sea and where you could find beautiful smooth pebbles on the beach. My son and I collected those. We were typical pebble collectors, walking bent over, silently, lost in common thoughts, picking out similar pebbles, watching them dry to less lively colors and spitting on them to get the colors back.

Dish with Pebbles

Well, now I need to make myself pretty for my husband and do some work around here. See you later.

Wednesday evening, elevenish PM. I went to the film house with Eduard tonight. He invited me specially and I sat on my usual barstool at the end of the bar where I can overlook everything, right next to the nachos machine, and no, I am not tempted at all. I drank cappuccinos and cola lights and ate all the cookies that came with the cappuccinos, because I forgot to eat dinner. What do I mean, I forgot to eat dinner? Well, it simply slipped my mind. I was going to eat some yogurt, but then forgot all about it.

There was a good atmosphere in the café tonight. The bartender played good music and when the song “Brown Sugar” from the Rolling Stones came on, he turned up the sound and the whole place rocked with middle aged people who became nostalgic for their youth.

I talked to a woman who belongs to the local neighborhood committee and she was very committed and political and inebriated, but very smart, and we didn’t have so much of a dialog as well as a monologue. I listened to her talk to other people in the course of the evening and I think she should run for some local office, but stay off the wine. What really amuses me, is how serious the other people took their conversations with this obviously inebriated woman, so she must have been still making sense. It always amazes me when people take themselves and each other seriously when they have been drinking, because I think the bullshit ratio increases with each glass consumed. I refuse to have serious conversations with people who have been drinking. Having said hat, I realize that both my husbands like their glass of alcohol.

I am sorry, but you are all my captive audience to my experiments with my metamorphics, so here comes another one. I have to keep trying until I get really good at them. So there:

Yellow Stone

I am now going to bed with some lovely food and my lovely husband, to sleep no less, because that is all I am good for at this time of the night. I’ll see you in a few hours.

Thursday morning in the early hours. Isn’t it teriffic? You go to bed and close your eyes for several hours and then you get to get up again and have a nice mug of coffee and a cigarette and start the day all over again. I think it is mighty amazing how that works. Of course, I do have to remember to sleep some hours during the day, like I did yesterday and that worked out beautifully with my mood remaining steady all day long. Yes, I have to keep reinventing the same wheel over and over again.

I am having quite a correspondence by email with my psychiatrist about me switching to the specialist team. He is a stubborn man, but I am a stubborn woman and I can be very persistent and I am not afraid to not spare the man’s feelings, although I do try some diplomacy, but if it doesn’t work? I go s
traight for the jugular. Eduard has an appointment with him this afternoon at 5 and it was my intention to go along and sit and wait in the waiting room in case I am needed for some part of the conversation, but it is supposed to be about Eduard and not me. So, that has to be very clear. It is very important that Eduard has this conversation and it has to be all about him and his concerns.

I have some very good short cake biscuits and I am trying to decide if I am going to eat those now. There is much temptation and I want to say, “Oh hell, just eat the damn things!” So, I probably will. That will be good with a fresh mug of coffee. Let me leave you with a last metamorphic and then I am off to read everybody else’s blog. I must and I will do it! I have been neglecting you people and I have my excuses, but I am falling way behind on what is happening out there. I hope nobody got married or divorced or had babies while I was preoccupied!

What will we call today? Thoroughly Thrashed About Thursday. How is that? The day before liberating Friday.


Here we go, ciao…

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It’s so damn early in the middle of the night, it’s not even funny anymore, but do I care? Well, only a little bit. I know that when the time comes, I’ll go back to bed for awhile, so it isn’t too much of a problem really, but I won’t go now, because Eduard is snoring very loudly and I would have to pinch his nose and poke him in his side. He is snoring because he imbibed too much wine tonight and this always makes him quite noisy during his sleep, as if he is sawing logs and running two tact motor cycle engines.

He told me something funny yesterday. Apparently his twin brother said to him one time that Eduard and I remind him of Punch and Judy (that’s Jan Klaassen and Katrijn in Dutch). He thinks that we are like these two hand puppets, because we are completely tuned into each other and can finish each other’s sentences, not because Eduard is a drunk and I hit him over the head with a rolling pin. We seem to pop up like Punch and Judy and act so synchronized in a way, that we almost become disagreeable to the onlooker, at least that’s the feeling I got out of Eduard’s story, in the way he told me what his twin brother said.

So, now Eduard and I have new nick names for each other. We are Punch and Judy and I think it is hilarious and it is true that I have always thought that Eduard and I are very much alike in character and that we have the same sort of behavior and the same sort of train of thought and that we come to the same conclusions when confronted with something unusual. We could actually be brother and sister, but that would be incestuous and we merely belong to the same original tribe and that is all.

We do behave in very similar ways though, and it is nice, because I can predict Eduard’s thoughts and reactions very well and I pretty much know how his mind works. I don’t know if he has similar experiences with me, but I think he is pretty familiar with me and it is only the fact that he is a man that prevents him from anticipating me better, although he is getting quite adapt at it and is making huge strides in this area.

The difference between us, is that Eduard is not manic depressive, but if I were not, I would very much be very similar to him and be an eternal optimist and chance taker like he is, although he is cautious enough not to do anything foolish. I, on the other hand, can do foolish things when I am hypo manic, but then be totally the opposite when I am not.

So, Punch and Judy live here in this apartment with their three cats and their one dog. It’s a jolly good show and we should charge admittance for anyone who wants to stop by and spend some time with us. Maybe we should build a little stage with curtains and wear costumes. I am sure I can buy a rolling pin somewhere and we could get Eduard a bottle of beer as a prop. We would cast the animals as extras.

I know that when we watch the news, we get equally affronted by the same items and when we watch a political program we agree pretty much on the same issues, except that Eduard is more vehement about them than I am, whereas I am just a bit more relaxed and I have to shush him.

Speaking of political programs, that program I was talking about the other day called “Netwerk” turns out to be made by a Christian Broadcasting Service, so their point of view is biased and now I can’t trust it anymore and I don’t think I’ll be watching it again, so I’ll have to find another program like it with a different point of view. I was becoming a bit suspicious of it in the way they were reporting on Muslims, their angle was more than slightly askew, so I knew something was up. Well, it’s a shame, but I don’t want that angle at all and I am sorry that it is on TV and masquerades as an ordinary actualities program.

When I was commenting last week on Kosovo becoming independent, I expressed concern for the Serbian population, but I needed not have done that, because it is the Serbian population that went rampant and protested en masse and with some violence. It’s not the Serbian population I should have worried about at all.

Now there is going to be hell to pay, because that awful right wing Dutch politician named Wilders has made an offensive anti Muslim movie, which he wants to show either on TV or the Internet this month and already Muslim populations across the world are up in arms about this and Dutch people and soldiers in those countries may have to fear for their lives.

There is going to be real trouble about this, but the problem is that the prime minister and the government can not forbid him to broadcast it, because of freedom of expression, but I wish they would make an exception in this case. It is a very bad move by Wilders and an appeal has been made on his sense of responsibility, but he has been stubborn and proceeds with his actions.

He leads the Party of Freedom, which is nothing more than a bit of a nationalistic, anti Muslim party and I know some people who have voted for him and they are not the brightest and best informed citizens of the bunch. Actually, you may call him a new sort of fascist, along with the Flemish Block in Belgium.

Okay, enough politics. I mustn’t get bogged down in that. It’s just that this month you’ll see an awful lot of Dutch flag burning by Muslims. We’ll join the Americans and the Danes in that.

It’s awfully early still and I must find a way to get sleepy again. I must sleep just a few hours more, because today I start my creative therapy class and I do have to be awake for it. It won’t look good if I show up there half asleep and yawning.

I hope you all have a Mad Monday, whatever that entails, and that the beginning of the week is not too tough on you. You know beginnings are like the crust on a new loaf of bread, they are very chewy and hard to get through, but when you get past that, the rest of it is delicious. Ciao…

P.S. I went back to bad and dreamed that a space ship had landed with little white rabbit people who needed to use my computer to gather information about the Milky Way, but nobody but me knew about it. I tried to tell Eduard about it, but he wouldn’t believe me and I kept trying to explain all the details of the story to him, but he kept walking away, and then in my dream, I realized that I was psychotic and I started to cry and woke myself up
crying and was very upset and now that I am up and awake, I am still all shook up and I don’t know what is real and what is not.

Are there really rabbit people or am I really psychotic? Am I upset because I am starting my creative therapy today? What is going on anyway?

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The Artful Eye Images number 2.

My unopened mail is sitting on the coffee table. I have “fear of mail.” I haven’t figured out yet why I have this condition called “fear of mail,” but is is a long lingering after effect of my last depression. Feeling so much better now, I should be over it, but each day I eye that stack of mail with much suspicion and dread and leave it unopened, and really people, do you think my mail is very important? Do you think there are bills there addressed specifically to me, or a summons to the court, or missives from the queen? No such thing. There is nothing in my mail that is going to cause me any huge amount of difficulty at all, yet I avoid opening it like it is Pandora’s Box.

So, I have told myself that this morning, between the hours of eight and eleven, I must open my mail and read it and deal with it properly. Somehow, having made myself that promise, or rather, having given myself that order, I feel my stomach tie in a knot, yet I know it is nothing to worry about and once I get it done, I will feel good and the world will not have come to an end, so silly me for worrying about it so much, but yet I have “fear of mail.”

Are any of you familiar with such an apparently irrational fear? What if I were the head of this household and I had to open the bills? God, we’d have our electricity cut off for me not having paid the bill.

Well, I do have my quirks and it is a good thing that I am married to such a stable individual like Eduard, who never shirks his responsibilities and who always is in the same steady mood and who seems fearless like a knight on an unflinching horse who every day rides off to save this damsel in distress.

It seems that between the two of us we have figured out the way for me to live most comfortably and safely with the least amount of stress and with the least amount of complications, except for the mail. Eduard takes good care of us both and I give it the effort that I can and have pretty steady moods and no anxiety attacks, except for the mail, and those aren’t true attacks, they are just ripples and bumps. Eduard is a great human being and if there is an afterlife, he deserves a great place in it.

Anyway, yesterday was a very uneventful day, because I managed, somehow, to sleep in the morning as well as in the afternoon. I purposely went back to bed in the morning to get warm and to sleep some more, but in the afternoon I was reading my book on the sofa and I fell asleep again and slept for two hours. I was a little discombobulated when I woke up with two cats on top of me and trying to figure out which time of the day it was and what in the world I was doing on the sofa.

Once I had that figured out, I had to get up and make myself a mug of coffee, so I had to gently remove the two cats who were heavy with sleep and didn’t want to be moved. I delicately placed them on the floor and they collected themselves and went off to find another comfortable place to sleep in. Sleepy headed cats are the best, because they slowly come to their senses just like human beings do and stretch themselves as if all their bones need to be realigned. They truly are little miracles of nature.

In the evening, I got very upset while watching the news, because there seems to be a division of the Dutch population which has an irrational fear and hatred of anything Muslim and this is whipped up into some sort of frenzy by some right wing politicians, who feed on this fear and do their utmost to climb higher up the political ladder and advance their own causes. I really, really dislike this and don’t understand the gullibility and ignorance of the people and do not understand why there is no deeper reasoning and larger amount of logic and insight.

But there, that is all I will say about that.

It is good to be able to watch foreign news on TV as well, as you get a good feeling for the issues that play in other countries and you very often see that they are the same issues that play in your own country, except that sometimes everybody seems to be inventing the wheel for themselves and nobody looks to their neighbor enough to see how he is dealing with it. Watching international news from different angles is interesting also, because you get different bits of information and different bits of input and commentary.

You all know that watching the news is my favorite TV activity, but lately I have started to watch a program that I had been avoiding because of its subject matters. It is called “Netwerk” and it deals with different political and difficult social issues and I was unable to watch it until recently, because I always felt so hurt and frustrated when I did. Now I have been making myself watch this program, because I think I ought to face the issues and form an opinion on them and I have found that I do that fairly quickly, as my gut reaction seems to be my true reaction to a story and that is my almost final opinion as well, unless someone comes along and gives me more information.

I think, for myself, it is my task to be well informed and to have my opinions rest on good information that I must garner from several sources. I don’t want to look at things from just one point of view, because one point of view is not enough information. A human being needs to be like a judge and hear all the evidence from all sides. The thing I fear most, is to not be well informed, as it can lead to very badly made judgments on very important issues and I think that this is a world wide problem, as we see one quandary after another appear in many countries.

I really do think we need to turn to each other and see how we as individual countries deal with our problem areas, so that we can learn from each other and pick up the best ideas. That’s why the EEC can be so helpful, so that we can learn from one another.

It is a terrible thing when populations live in isolation of each other and yet somehow have to be part of the whole picture and even indirectly interact with one another, if not directly through politics or trade. It is really a shame when we know so little of each other and are so ready with our opinions when they are very often based on a few prejudiced points of view. For example: the Dutch all smoke grass, have free sex and wear wooden shoes in the tulips. Americans are cowboys on big horses and all the cities have gangs that murder and loot and are not safe to walk around in.

Well, I have had my say and I will slowly start winding this down and get ready for another day to start. You see that I have a lot on my mind, but it is not that crowded up there and there is
lots of room to consider all sorts of stuff. If anything, I must ruminate on what is happening in the EEC more and find some websites that will inform me better. I must also visit the BBC News website and see what they have to offer me, as I have not been there for awhile, while it used to be a favorite haunt of mine.

I must have a good mug of coffee and another cigarette first and decide on which images I am going to add to this, because I always save that for last, even though that’s the first thing you see. I decide on whatever mood I am in and on whatever image fits that mood.

I wish you all a very good day and a lot of luck with whatever you are going to do. We’re past the middle of the week and before you know it, it will be weekend again. Ciao…

P.S. Image courtesy of Andrea.

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Picasso Images number 5.

Oh, I’m so terribly late this morning and I will feel all rushed, which is ridiculous, because I am my own boss and Jesker has great bladder control, so I don’t really need to hurry through this at all. It is just the idea that I am starting one hour later than I usually do, because I had such a nice long sleep and bed was so comfortable and warm and I didn’t want to remove myself from it. I know, or rather, I assume that Eduard walked Jesker early this morning, because Jesker is very comfortably snoring on his pillow as if there is nothing else on his mind at all.

He is the greatest dog in the morning and does nothing but sleep, until he decides that it is time for his noon time walk and then he starts pacing impatiently and makes me put my boots and coat on. He even follows me into the bathroom to make sure I don’t forget to come out again. So, I sit on the toilet while he looks at me with some amount of expectancy and I hardly have time to do what I have come to do. He is a very indecent onlooker, as are the cats who always follow me in there and decide to have quality time with me then. They have no manners whatsoever. If I close the door, they all stand out there bleating like lost lambs.

Everything is going very well. I have some sort of a schedule back in my life and it is not very exhaustive at all and I allow for a lot of pleasurable activities and peaceful moments and rest and sleep. Eduard and I have decided that I am not going to go back on the treadmill immediately, but that I am going to pick up the pace slowly and put the emphasis on peacefulness and pleasure. If I take a nap in the afternoon, I make it through the day quite well and my mood is steady. I go to bed on time at night with a glass of warm milk and a good book and install myself quite comfortably. We are both very much aware of what we need to do to keep me out of harm’s way and we are both taking good care of me, which allows me to be a good partner to Eduard and have time and patience for him also. We must never neglect Eduard in all of this.

I am very grateful that I can feel happiness again and peacefulness and pleasure. If there is a God, I suppose I should make a small offering now, but I don’t want to get caught up in magical thinking and lose touch with reality, so I assume that the medicines working on the chemicals in my brain have done their job and prevented me from months of suffering. I owe much to science and the application of it to the right medication and the right dose of it. I must always remember how bad it is without the medicines and how much quicker I go through my moods now and how much more quickly I get better.

Well, the Rotten Correspondent asked me if there was a preference here in the Netherlands for Hillary Clinton or Barrack Obama. All I can say is, that they are both well liked and that the country as a whole and journalists in particular, are undecided as of yet. Politicians are not making any statements yet and are not making their preference public, but knowing their affiliations, you can pretty much guess whom they would choose. It is really a shame that John Edwards is out of the race, because he was well liked here, although a bit of an unknown, but his politics were appreciated very much. It’s a shame that so much of this is like a popularity contest and I truly hope that the best man/woman wins. Somebody who is a good American president for the country and for the whole world. What we are clear about here, is that an end must come to the current government and its attitude toward a lot of issues. We see a lot of problems resulting from the current administration.

I always forget that I am not an American, but then again, I am a citizen of the world and America plays a major role in so many vital aspects of life in the world. America is a very powerful country and has major influence in a lot of things that happen. We, as a small country, know that. You can’t get around the Americans, you always have to deal with them first.

Enough politics, I really need to get going now and be housewifely for a little bit. Oh yes, The Caffeinated Librarian had a great post on feminism that has a lot of people reacting to it and you can read it here. Maybe it is time that we pay some attention to that.

Have a great day, do lots of wonderful things, feel peace in your soul and happiness in your heart. Ciao…

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Orange Stone Images number 1.

This night, with one interruption, I have slept six hours. I think that is not half bad. Now, I just need to get rid of the interruption, but other than that, things are looking up.

I did increase my sleep medication on the advice of my psychiatrist after I spoke to him yesterday and I can increase it one more time, so I may do that to get rid of the interruption. He told me to let him know how it went this morning.

Yesterday, I wore my bathrobe and slippers all day long. Eduard walked Jesker for me. I don’t feel so acutely depressed that I am miserable all the time, but I do feel very uninterested in doing things. When something is the least bit complicated, I avoid it.

Today, I am going to get dressed and walk Jesker myself. That’s a promise I make here.

Wasn’t that a surprise win for Hilary in the sate of New Hampshire? We are so undecided who to root for now. Barrack Obama or Hilary Clinton. It is all very exciting and interesting now to us Europeans. The American Presidency is the most influential position in the world. We are all affected by it. I think sometimes Europeans think they should be allowed to vote in this election too.

Well, now I’m off to visit my fellow bloggers. Ciao…

P.S. A very popular web log is The Confessions of a Pioneer Woman. And if you want to read something really funny about kids go here.

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Close up Yellow Pepper Images number 3.

Sleeping didn’t go as well last night. I was up early and I think I will have to go back to the sofa and lie under the yellow blanket for some more shut eye this morning.

Thanks to Diane Clancy I stumbled upon another website that is very good. It is of Gale Rainwater Photographer and man, can she take photographs! Simply stunning!


We but begin to hope to know, having known
The no-man’s echo of your knowing voice;
We barely claim we have chosen,
Naming our choice.

To feast your coming it is you who must prepare;
Given your love we dare not not care;
Wherefore spare not spare us not
Do not spare.

Marie Ponsot

I thought the above poem was very appropriate in these pre-election times, although I am sure it was not written with this political madness in mind at all. If you want to know, Obama is very popular so far in the Netherlands, although Hillary Clinton has also been. None of the Republican candidates are interesting to us. I think they are all rather scary looking.

Right, American politics are important to the rest of the world also, so we do concern ourselves with it quite a bit.

That’s all I have to say for now, so ciao…

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