Posts Tagged ‘music’

This morning I made a mad dash into town to the lawyer, because I finally, after 3 months, got that marriage certificate I have been waiting for and which could hold up all the divorce proceedings if I did not have it. My daughter took care of me getting it in the end, but it was like pulling teeth, very painful and very slow. We should celebrate the fact that we’ve got it now, although I am waiting for the phone to ring and have the lawyer tell me that it is the wrong kind of certificate and that the Dutch courts will not accept it. Heaven forbid. I must not call disaster upon myself.

Social Services has moved to a whole new location and as a result, I do not have my monthly payment yet or the paperwork to tell me what it will be and why. The bank account is dwindling again, so they better get their act together quickly, or I will be robbing Peter again. Nor have I heard anything yet about the housing and medical care subsidies, so I will call them on Monday. Life is a bitch…

I am waiting for the Exfactor to come over as he said he would come for a visit. He has a new cast on his arm and he does not need surgery. He takes the short train ride from where he lives into town and gets around as well as he can. I guess he hobbles.

I would hate to be bothered with an arm in a cast and I have never broken anything, except for some fingers when I was doing some plumbing, by putting to much force on the wrench and having the thing slip on me. Ouch.

Yes, I am a real do it your selfer when called for. The only thing I don’t do well is drill holes into these very hard walls that we have here. In America you just punch a whole in the wall wherever, with whatever nail you’ve got. No such luck here. You need a hard stone drill bit and a very strong drill and muscle power.

I guess the Exfactor won’t be helping me hang up any movie poster any time soon. Oh well, I still can go and buy the frames and get them ready to hang. Maybe if I look at my upstairs neighbor kindly. The top upstairs neighbor who is an artist, supposedly, is really an alcoholic. I’ve met him in the stairwell and been met by fumes of alcohol and I have seen his unfocused drunken little eyes. So, he is no great asset to the building. They always put at least one loser in these apartments. He is quiet, though, and I think he has several lady friends who keep him and his apartment looking presentable. He comes and goes on a scooter and it does look a little banged up. As if he uses unmovable objects to stop against.

Now I need to take a nap…

Well, instead of taking a nap, I washed the dishes and did some laundry, which are also useful ways to squander your time, although I would have preferred the nap. It is that sort of day. It has been steadily raining all afternoon and it doesn’t look like it will stop anytime soon. I think it may be time to build the Ark of Noah and start sorting out those animals and fertile men and women.

The Exfactor was here with a very sore knee with a huge scab on it and a fluorescent yellow cast on his arm. It looked mighty impressive. he also had other assorted bruises and scabs on other parts of his arms and legs. He looked like he took a real slider.

The Überhund acted like his normal self, meaning that he nearly choked on his own little puppy sounds that he made out of happiness at seeing the Exfactor. He really makes a big deal out of it and gets himself so worked up that I have to tell him to quit. He could have an epileptic fit. The Exfactor has that effect on him always and makes him behave in crazy ways and the Überhund loses all his dignity. Luckily, the cats are cooler and only come to greet him when they are good and ready in their own sweet time, when they feel like it. Cats are so cool that way, which makes me think I have more of a cat personality than a dog one. I’d never jump up and down for joy for anybody like the Überhund does.

Anyway, we had a nice visit and I sent him off with an umbrella, although this does infringe upon his manly ego somewhat, to be seen with an umbrella, so I gave him the most masculine looking one and the one I least use myself. The Exfactor does come with an instruction booklet and I am glad that I am not the one who has to read it anymore. The Paramount can partake in that joyful activity now.

I can’t believe it is Friday again and that we will be enjoying another weekend tomorrow. It seems when you get older, time flies by quickly. It is like my life consists of very short weeks with very many weekends. I am not complaining about the weekends, but the time flying by sort of intimidates me, as it means I’m getting older faster and I am all in favor of slowing down that process. I have even started using a day cream every day to ward off wrinkles, which I will curse if they appear on my face and smear bat’s poop and toad’s slime on if it works. I’ll become a good witch and ward off evil blemishes to my face.

I’ve still got a list of rock and roll bands that I need to get the CD’s of from the library, but I don’t own a library card and I think they are 70 Euro’s, which is a little steep for my pocketbook right now. I suppose that for now I will live without this music and keep it on my wish list for the near future. I so very brightly and spritely want to stay on top of modern music and keep some sort of beat going in my body that is never allowed to die out. I need to stay on top of things all the time. I think it may be time for a little trip to Deezer and find out what the latest offerings are.

Right then, you all have yourself a really good day and a musical one if you must and keep it dry.

The trick is to not do so many rain dances, somebody ought to stop doing those.



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I am sitting here listening to an MP3 player that I erased and then filled with songs that were really odds and ends that I had not used anywhere else. There is a lot of Norah Jones, nice and mellow, and Rosanna, who is an Argentinian singer. I had world music on this MP3 player and I actually wasn’t that fond of it, although I tried to be and some of it wasn’t too bad, but I could never listen to the whole thing, because it always got on my nerves after a while.Too many jungle noises and drums, I guess.It does all start to sound alike after a while. There is something other worldly about world music, hah.

I like Norah Jones, I find her so completely inoffensive and mellow that I can do any sort of job with her in the background. She doesn’t have a great voice, but that seems to be just fine too and the music is pleasant. Sometimes you need music like that, that doesn’t tax your brain too highly and just lets you get on with whatever you are doing. If I could sing and play the piano, I’d like to do it like Norah Jones.

I’ve got the Real Player full of music to pick from. There’s lots of classical there too that the Exfactor put in there, and also Johan Sebastian Bach and Mendelssohn, which are more than tolerable to me. I can put together any sort of combination MP3 player, however the mood strikes me. I gigabyte one is about 165 songs, so that is more than enough to chose from.

I have one MP3 player with French chansons, nobody famous on there, and I am thinking about erasing them and replacing them with something else. The chansons are mostly okay, but some of them are really bad and I am embarrassed to play them in company. Not exactly music to play at a cocktail party. I need somethinga little bit classier than that. You see how I never get done picking out my music. It’s an ongoing thing. A forever mind changing thing.

I prefer women performers. I just prefer women. I am always happy when women do well in the arts and get recognition. So sorry for you guys, but that’s the way it is, and I like it when women move away from typical female subjects and move into the more masculine areas of expression and make bold statements, although I do have to add that women, through whatever medium they use, can make a strong case for women and the women movement, but I don’t think they have to and that they owe it to us. An artist only owes his art to her/himself and screw what the public wants. That’s my humble opinion.

I just received a tunic this afternoon that I had ordered yesterday and it was a little big on me. Rather than send it back, I have made it smaller on the sewing machine and that worked great too. Now I’ve got all these other clothes I have to alter, which I will get around to in the shortest amount of time. Watch me zip those clothes under the needle in the fastest time possible. Records will be set.

My sister and I took the dogs for a walk this afternoon and had psychological talks. We are very good at this, being well versed in matters of the mind and what makes us tick and what makes the other person tick. I’ve suggested she use a tranquilizer, but she refuses to and is under the impression that she can somehow keep her frayed nerves under control by sheer mind power. It isn’t working very well.

It’s decided to be nice weather today. The sun has been shining all day and I have washed the windows, but because the sun is shining on them, I can see the streaks and where I need to go over them again. It’s very frustrating, but they do look a lot cleaner from the outside looking in. Next, I have to clear away some weeds. I’ll do that this weekend. It’s some sort of wild grass that grows between the tiles and the apartment and is pretty when it first comes up but turns very wild after a while. The neighbors have put out pretty pots with nice looking plants and if it weren’t for the money I would do that too, but alas.

I do love Saturdays, because I always have a holiday feeling, having done the shopping on Friday. I really enjoy the weekends and take full advantage of them and really see them as days off. I am glad that the Sundays are still sacred here and aren’t frantic shopping days and there is always very little traffic on the roads. Nice and quiet and only the cafés and restaurants are open. I hope it always stays that way.

The Überhund is very soundly asleep at my feet. I can tell he’s getting older, because he sleeps a lot. Very deep sound sleeps.

My knees have been bothering me a lot these past couple of weeks and I have a heck of a time getting out of bed in the morning. I think I may need to take some supplements. It’s been a ongoing problem that gets worse at times and then lessens again. Maybe it is wearing these different shoes that’s the cause of it. Of course, like my GP said, it’s all due to having been overweight, but you’d think it would get better now. Sometimes, I think they’ll get stuck.

Maybe I have osteoarthritis just like Jesker and I need to be taking supplements just like him.

Well, I am off doing some other little jobs now. Something to keep me pleasantly, but usefully occupied. To keep me off the streets and out of trouble.

Have a great day and a super weekend.


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Cheer up.

I always forget what a cheer up listening to music is. I haven’t listened to any music in about a week and just lived here in almost complete silence, but this morning I put on an MP3 player with some good jazz and right away my mood lifted and my thoughts got perkier. It’s as if you need a sound track to your life to help you accomplish the little deeds that need to get done and that are somehow easier done when accompanied by some funky jazz. That is, until your battery runs out and you quickly have to remove the old one and pop in a freshly loaded one.

All of this jazz I am listening to is obscure. There are no famous artists amongst them, but I don’t care as long as they swing and they do. They make my mind swing and put me in overdrive and I function just a little better. Why do I forget about that? Why do I suddenly live in silence when living in melodies is so much better?

When I was a teenager, I listened to Tchaikovsky and Rachmaninoff. I also liked Vivaldi and Beethoven, but I don’t claim that I was a student of their music at that time. I listened to it with my sentimental, romantic heart and at certain passages I nearly swooned. I would play their records over and over again on my stereo installation in my room and I am sure I drove my poor parents crazy with the repetitiveness of it all. I was an incredibly romantic teenager and believed in true love and that one day my knight in shining armor would come by. I did not go out to look for him.

My girlfriends went to disco’s and bars, but I stayed home and had quiet evenings with my parents and my music. Sometimes there briefly was a boyfriend, but there was never a knight in shining armor.

Anyway, music is such a mood influencer. There was along time when I could not listen to it at all, because it would elicit certain emotions that I didn’t want to feel. Therefore I lived in complete silence and I also liked the TV off. I didn’t want any outside noise to penetrate my thoughts and put ideas and feelings there that I possibly could not deal with.

When I first started going crazy, I listened endlessly to the soundtrack of “La Double Vie de Veronique.” It was so endlessly sad and I would become lost in it, but after a while I had to stop listening to it, because it became an obsession. Now I think I could listen endlessly to “Toutes les Matins du Monde,” but with much joy in my heart at this heartbreakingly beautiful music. But I don’t do that, I don’t listen obsessively to anything. I let myself be surprised by what is on the MP3 players.

My love for classical music now goes to the precision of baroque, especially Bach, who would not love him? I wish I could say he had Dutch ancestry like Beethoven, but we can claim no such thing. We Dutch can only claim one baroque composer and that is Jan Pieterszoon Sweelinck and he is not well known at all, not even in the Netherlands. It seems we only turn out great painters.

Does music soothe the savage beast? All the animals leave the living room when I play it. I don’t think they are charmed.

Well, I must be on my way and do my housewifely chores. You didn’t know that I morph into a housewife sometimes, did you?

Have a great day.


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It is 4 AM and I am listening to some very weird music. Somehow that seems very appropriate, ordinary music wouldn’t do at this time of the day. This music is very futuristic and mixed with some nostalgic bits it makes you think you are moving between two time zones, the future and the past, but nowhere near the present.

Sometimes, I have a great need for weirdness in music and art, because it somehow seems to set free a part of me that needs some breathing space also. Room for the absurd, for the oddball craziness of it all. Not all the time, but a great deal of the time and at ever increasing moments the older I get. Maybe I get less conventional the older I get and I am more able to move away from that which is comfortable and middle class.

I am always so relieved when there is something unexpected in music and in art, when it is not predictable, when I had not anticipated it. I like to be thrown a challenge and to me that is unpredictable weirdness. Not even Andy Warhol could top that one, although maybe in his time he did for some people.

I don’t mean artists who have developed a trick and keep repeating the same trick like they are saying, “Look Ma, no hands.” Andy Warhol did that. I mean people who keep being innovative, no matter how difficult that is. Imagine finding someone like that and becoming completely enamored with them.  I love how in music, someone flips a page and does something completely opposite of what I was expecting.  That gives me a tingle down my spine.

It’s hard to be standing out and to be outstanding out there. There is a lot of noise and there is an overload of visual input. How do you rise to the top of that? Luck, fate, connections? All of those? When you are convinced of someone’s uniqueness, how do you convince the world?

Anyway, back to the weirdness. I really appreciate people who make it and do it well, without turning you off, because you can also get vulgar and loud and call that weirdness, which I guess it is also. That is a matter of taste. I suppose I like understated weirdness, the kind that is not so obvious and in your face, but subtle and amusing, although I like the kind with a bang also. I suppose this is all very personal and hard to describe, because I would have to show you, and have you listen to it, in order to make clear what I mean.

I used to think that in my world, I wanted everyone to behave rationally and predictably, but now that I am on my own, I am finding out that this is not true. Oh, of course, I want the majority of the system and the people in it to function normally and to do what it is supposed to do, but I am less afraid of the uniqueness and out of the ordinariness of the individuals in it than I thought I was. As a matter of fact, I embrace them. I find that I have all sorts of room for them and that they do not make me feel uncomfortable by being different. As a matter of fact, I am drawn to them, to their uniqueness and feel empathy with them. I am not talking about losers (whatever those are), I am talking about unique individuals.

I went through a stage in my life when I thought that being middle class was very important and the highest goal I could reach, well upper middle class and the attitude that goes with it. Such an erring attitude can only be blamed on the environment I found myself in and the circumstances I found myself under, cut off from other more invigorating and challenging attitudes. Call it the age of innocence, although it was more the age of ignorance.

Having been cured of that now, once and for all, I see how debilitating an isolating environment can be. When you are not exposed well enough to other ideas and points of view and conflicting attitudes, it is so easy to become narrow minded and complacent and convinced of just your own shallow look on life. You must constantly be challenged in your convictions and have to account for them.

Well, I hope that my offspring has enough sense to look beyond her horizons and see more than I did, although I have to admit that I possessed a large amount of naivety for a long part of my life. In other words, it took me a long time to become a grown up.

So, here I am sitting, listening to this weird music and I think it is a good way to start the day. The Uberhund has been out to greet me and is now laying at my feet pretending to be sound asleep, but really waiting for something exciting to happen. It’s to early for that, although the sun is up and the birds have chirped. Some cats are drifting in.

I suppose I’ll go and check on the food and water and milk supply of the life stock. Oh, it’s Saturday, isn’t it? Well, the mail will still come and phone calls will still be made. Oh, bummer.

Have a nice day.


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I am sitting here with my daft head thinking strange things, because I am not quite wide awake yet. It is too early to be awake properly, yet this is the second time I am tonight. I thought what my mot de garde would be and it would be something like “no pain, no gain”. In my sleep foggy mind I imagined we had founded a literary foundation and each of us had to have a slogan like it, that was only known to us insiders. Talk about wanting to be exclusive. Of course, I thought if I can’t be creative in the fine arts, I must try and be it in the literary arts. God forbid that I should turn out to be only mediocre at anything. What a waste of a wonderful mind that would be…

It may come to that yet. Embrace mediocrity, Irene. Yes, humbly I will. I will accept that I am just an ordinary person with no special talents at all and that, at heart, I am just an interloper trying to pass as something other than le petit citoyen that I am. Bourgeois! Oh, the shame of it, the embarrassment. I weep. I hide my face in my hands. I sob. Maybe I can be a dramatist. There may be hope for me yet.

Well, like Babaloo says, there are those of us who do art and there are those of us who criticize. She didn’t quite say it liker that, but I am taking literary license. We less gifted people who stand back and admire or disapprove, as you will. I once went to an exhibition of German expressionists and left there with a headache, that’s how impressed I was, I will never forget it, but was it supposed to make that impression on me? The much touted about exhibition of the impressionists at the Los Angeles Museum of Modern Art left me rather unmoved. It was as if I was looking at reproductions. I didn’t get any goosebumps. A Frans Hals painting at a museum in Berlin left me weak kneed. I wasn’t expecting it there. The paintings of Frida Kahlo move me very much. I like any jubilant painting, a painting that can’t help but be happy about life, no matter it’s subject.

Well now, how did I get here? Oh yes, being a critic. There is a preschool close to here that has some art by three year olds hanging up in its front window and I would love to frame it in some nice pas par touts and hang it up here above the sofa. It is so uninhibited. I don’t think any three year old has that talent. Some of them just make a mess of it.

The painting I liked best that my son made, was the portrait he made of himself. I am sure his father has it somewhere, because I know we wouldn’t have thrown it away. It was so refreshing, and shocking almost, to see how he saw himself as a five year old and how close to the truth that was, including his adorable butch crew cut and bright blue eyes. Children should be taught art by real artists when they grow up and not to learn to color within the lines.

I love how the Uberhund has accepted me as the Alpha dog and goes wherever I go. He is always within a few feet distance of me. Now he is snoring away beneath the computer desk. It is very good to feel such loyalty from an animal and I feel very privileged. I must always take care to give him the proper attention he deserves and to never neglect him. I must remember to give him his cuddles regularly and not be autistic about that. Luckily, he is very good about demanding his time with me. He just shoves his nose in my hands.

He is very good about letting me know when in the evening he wants to go out. He doesn’t like to wait until 10 o’clock, that’s too late for him. If I tell him it’s too early, he barks at me and starts pacing up and down impatiently and doesn’t rest until I have put on my shoes and then he is so happy, he does pirouettes. That’s not bad for an old overweight dog on a slippery floor.

He tries to be very bossy on our walks and he has been testing me a lot and I really have to be firm and drag him away from areas I don’t want him to go to. That’s hard to do with a 20 kilo dog who’s stubborn. A very loud voiced, “No!” does wonders. Sometimes it’s confusion and sometimes it’s plain stubbornness. You can be too kindhearted to your dog too, thinking, “Well, it is his outing.”

I am listening to the last MP3 player I downloaded and I am pretty happy with it. It’s better than elevator music. It’s cocktail party music. Some of it is “Let’s get between the sheets” music. It’s a good thing I am home alone.

Oh, I have t see my SPN this morning. I think I won’t see her every week anymore. It isn’t really necessary, because all I do is sit there and tell her how well I am doing. You can only talk about that so much and then you are done with that. I also wonder if the people at the day therapy wonder what I am doing there, because i am not showing any obvious signs of any affliction. I’ll be lucky if I get to finish my 4 months there. Sorry, this patient does not need out highly qualified care. She is too normal.

I’ll get sent out into the real world, you wait and see.

The Exfactor is coming to fix my bike this afternoon. For those of you who are wondering, he did tell me last time how much he enjoyed his freedom of responsibility and care. How he liked only having to worry about himself and to only think of himself, so the same story that is true for me is true for him. He likes coming and going as he pleases and not being bogged down in a traditional relationship. So, don’t feel sorry for him, because this is what he wanted, except that I made him choose for it sooner than he wanted to. In the end, we both got what we wished for.

Well, that’s it for me now, my dears. Happy Tuesday to you. For those of you where it is still Monday, there is the Monday post too.


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I just finished filling up the fourth and last 1 GB MP3 player and I tell you, it looks like such an easy little job that you’ll just do in your spare little hours between everything else. Well, it is not. It takes hours to find the right music and fill those suckers up and, of course, once you start, you can’t stop. At least I can’t, because I am so obsessive. I want it done and I want to listen to it. Well, now I am and I still have the other three to listen to properly, but at least I know that I don’t have to do this anymore and that I can get back to my normal life. Jeez, get with the program, Irene!

I have neglected my housecleaning and my poor animals and I have not given them special belly rubs and talked to them all nicely and given them extra treats because they were being so good, I am a bad mother. I should be put in the hall of shame. The Uberhund was so patient with me. he looked at me longingly, but my eyes were fixed on the computer screen and my hand was attached to the mouse and I barely petted him.

Well, I guess it wasn’t all bad, I did take him for his walks and pick up his turds and dispose of them properly, and I did make a big deal out of him when I came home and he was waiting patiently by the door. You should hear the endearments I call him. You would be embarrassed for me. They’re hard to translate into English, Ha, that’s my excuse and that’s my story and i stick to it. Somebody has been commenting and telling me that a lot lately, but he is a mystery person to me. It’s probably John.

I went to creative therapy today and worked with clay. I attempted to make a woman’s head. It was very funny. I got the general shape right but she could have been an old croon or an old man. She had no upper lip. It was completely hidden away behind her extremely large nose. She also had very large nostrils. She had no forehead and very heavy eyebrow ridges, Sort of Neanderthal like. I did get her cheekbones right and her eyelids. I didn’t bother giving her ears. I figured that was too hard and I gave her hair instead.

The instructor came I sliced a good part of her nose of and remodeled it and then we could see her upper lid, which she turned out to have after all. It did improve her appearance a bit, but she still looks like an old croon. Maybe I am a character artist and I only do funny heads well, by accident.

I didn’t quit and made a new head avoiding all the mistakes I made in the first one. Now I made a woman who looks like Barbara Streisand, she has the nose and the heavy lidded eyes. At least she looks less like an old croon, but it isn’t art. So I give up on the clay and next week i will try something else again until I find my specialty. Which may be bookbinding or something like that. I am a pathetic student of the arts. I know what I like , but I can’t make it. Here I thought I was, and had the reputation of, being artistic. It’s all a damn lie, I tell you.

Well, luckily, it was finally time to go home and I hopped on my bike and when I was almost home, it started to rain like crazy, so I peddled like mad and got wet anyway.

My new second hand bed is going to be here on Thursday and I think the Exfactor is coming to get the double bed on Wednesday, so that means one night on the sofa, but it does give me a chance to clean up the bedroom really well. There are going to be huge dust bunnies under the double bed, I know that for sure and God only knows what other surprises. I do have three cats, after all. I just hope there is nothing dead underneath there. Like a petrified mouse. I found one once when I moved the bookcase.

I am making a new friend at the place where the therapy classes are held. There is a common room and veranda where everybody from all the classes have their breaks and I met someone I know from an earlier time in the hospital. We hit it of right away again and I think she and I will end up being friends again. We’re just testing the waters now. You have to when all of you come with an instruction booklet. You just take it nice and slow.

I said to everybody that I was getting a single bed on Thursday and that they knew what that meant for my future life as a single woman, didn’t they? They all had a good laugh about that.

It does mean a lot of room in the bedroom to roller skate in and do other activities that need a lot of room. Like playing croquet, for instance, or shuffleboard.

Well, now I am going to end this and sit down on my rear end on the sofa, because I have a sore butt from sitting in his computer chair. Oh yes, will somebody give me Kaycie’s proper website address? I think I am looking in the wrong place. Is she no longer living in the Bible belt?

Have a terrific day. Be artistic and spread your knowledge to us less gifted people. We poor souls.


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I discovered a website where you can download whole albums to your MP3 players for nothing! They are not by well known artists, but they are good and they have a huge variety of choices in genres. If you click on one genre you like, the next list that shows up is even bigger than the one before and the possibilities are endless. Like this:

As you can see, there is lots to choose from and I had a lot of fun trying to decide which genre I like best. I had two empty 1 GB MP3 players that the Exfactor had given me and two of my own of which I didn’t like the music, so I emptied those, so I had four MP3 players to fill up. Now, I am not going to claim that I managed to do that this weekend, because that would have been impossible, but I sure came close. At one point I literally had to push myself away from the computer and make myself do something else, because I was becoming a little bit obsessive with it. Oh, here is the link to the website: http://www.jamendo.com/en/

You see how it’s a good thing that I live by myself and can indulge in these little obsessions and only have to take account of the Uberhund and makes sure he gets fed and walked on time and petted, of course. He forgives me everything and just lies at my feet while I sit here behind the computer doing my thing. Don’t worry, he lets me know if it’s time he needs to go out and needs a little affection. He plants both his front paws on my lap and barks at me.

So, I didn’t do much else this weekend. It sort of passed by without me participating in it very much. I was lost to the world. My sister called this morning and I said, “Oh yes, there is a real world out here too, isn’t there?” Her husband and the kids are on vacation and she has the house to herself, which she is celebrating by cleaning it. She was washing the windows today. I told her that the dear Lord did not like that, people washing windows on Sundays. She said she was only doing the inside. I said that it didn’t matter, he could see her anyway.

I know I am going to bed early tonight. I woke up with the alarm clock this morning, but then managed to take a little nap after I walked the Uberhund. I am looking forward to going to sleep. Tomorrow I have creative therapy and I must be in the proper state of mind for that. Hopefully creatively inspired. I have a vision of a head I want to make out of clay, sort of like Medusa with wild curly hair. I will give it a go, we’ll see how it turns out. Hair may be to fragile to make.

Sorry for the short post, people, but I am going to walk th Uberhund and then call it a night. I need my beauty sleep.

Have a good one, wherever you are, whatever you do.


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