I’m stuck at 94.2 kilos and I suppose that is not such a bad thing, but I would like to move on to some other weight now. I mean, I would like to move down to some other weight now. Listen to me, you minor God of the kilos and ounces, I may have fallen of my faith, but just for now, lets pretend I still sort of believe in you and lets get the show on the road already. Okay, okay, I’ll be more careful about what I eat, I promise. Let’s just stop this fooling around and really drop the weight now.
This is what I had yesterday, a small glass of juice, a piece of cumin cheese, some Melba toast, 2 pieces of Maasdammer cheese, a three egg omelet and a tall glass of milk. The second piece of Maasdammer cheese was sheer indulgence and completely unnecessary. I had it because it was there and for no other reason at all.
Yesterday, was allergy day. My poor eyes have been burning and tearing for some time now and yesterday was especially bad, so I called the GP’s office and had them fax a prescription for eye drops to the pharmacy. Then I did some surfing on the Internet and finally found a pill that you only need to take once every 24 hours and that should help with the burning eyes and the dermatitis, so when I am next at the GP’s office, I will discuss this medication with him. It is called Loratadine and maybe it will help me. Apparently, it doesn’t make you drowsy and it is safe to take with my other medications. I printed the information sheet about it and I will show my GP that when I see him, which should be next week on Monday or Tuesday to hear about the results of my allergy tests. Thank goodness for the Internet, there is so much you can find out yourself. Loratadine is sold over the counter as Allerfre in the Netherlands, but the active ingredient is Loratadine and I can get a prescription for that and my insurance company will pay for it. I found that out by calling the pharmacy about it.
Yesterday was the day of tranquility. I was home by myself until the early afternoon and I didn’t mind it at all. I did some house work and I watched some boring TV programs and generally amused myself in my own company. The dog and the cats slept mostly. The boring TV programs were on the BBC and yes, even on the BBC they do have bad programs on during the day, such as Homes Under The Hammer and Cash In The Attic and To buy Or Not To Buy. These are completely brainless programs and it is almost as good as watching no TV at all. Anyway, I sit and watch them, while I get up every now and then and do something completely different like clean the toilet or scrub the wash basin.
I didn’t vacuum yesterday. The floors looked very clean and I wasn’t sure about turning on the vacuumcleaner and in turn having the dust whirl around the air. Today I will vacuum again and also mop the floors. I should wash the dog’s bedding, but then it will take forever to dry, so I may want to do that in stages. He has three pillows now and they probably all need washing. It would be nice to have a big washing machine and a big dryer to put them in. I talked to Eduard about putting up some washing lines on the patio to dry the laundry on, because it dries so much more quickly in the outside air. When it isn’t raining, at least. The laundry also smells good when it has been drying outside.
When Eduard came home in the afternoon, my first question to him was, how it was for him to be back at work after a 3 week holiday, but it seems to have agreed with him alright and he didn’t seem extra tired yet or discouraged. Of course, he still had to go back to work that evening and I don’t know if he had the very late shift, because I went to bed at 9 pm and I didn’t hear him come home. Usually, he likes to work in the evenings, because he enjoys spending time with the volunteers and teaching them new tricks about projection. Working until midnight can be a bit rough and they take turns doing that. One person stays and the other people leave after the last batch of films has been started at 10 pm.
Yesterday, I was in Eduard’s workroom and stubbed my sore toe against the oscilloscope. Now, his brother had given him this scope when we were in Almelo and I had seen Eduard playing with it a few times, but I had not paid too much attention to it. After stubbing my sore toe against it though, I got curious about what it really was and had Eduard explain it to me. The oscilloscope make electrical waves visible. It really also makes sound visible. So whatever electrical wave, or tremor, comes out of an electrical system, the scope makes it visible. The visible waves have different lengths and heights and frequencies. They also can have three different shapes, depending on the source. So the electrical wave from a computer has a block shape, for instance. Other things have a triangular shape or a sinus shape. You can measure the length of the wave in seconds or in microseconds. You can measure the sound of music or the sound of a voice, but also the sound of an electrical pulse coming out of a computer. It gets too complicated after this for me. This is as far as I understand it, but that is more than I knew before, so when next he is playing with it, I will pay attention. And yes, my toe is fine, there was no bleeding or anything.
Eduard has a very technical mind and he understands electrical systems very quickly. He knows why things work the way they do and why they stop working. That is very handy to know in his kind of work. He knows a lot about the projectors and how to keep them all up and running. He also understands computers to some extent and how to get them to do the things you want them to do, which is handy with the digital projection that they have nowadays. His brain works very quickly and he sees the connections very quickly. I rely on him a lot to figure things out, and no, I am not dumb myself. It is just that Eduard is smarter. He should have studied to be an engineer instead of becoming a librarian.
In the afternoon, just before Eduard came home, I fell asleep on the sofa. It can’t be helped, I need my little cat naps. At least they aren’t the deep sleeps that they were a few days ago. Eduard kissed me awake, sort of. I became coherent after a while, it was so nice to be drowsy. I am rating my days with sevens, even when I take my naps. Nothing spectacular is happening, my days just get to be sevens.
I am relieved that I don’t have to go to the chapel this afternoon, after I have gone to the CWI. It is like a load off my shoulders. I realize that the last time I was there, it had started to feel like an obligation and not like a joy. I prayed because I felt that I had to, not because I felt that I wanted to. And I was unsure about who I was praying to. I couldn’t get an image formed of my Higher Being. I will spend some times thinking about this. Who this Higher Being is and what that means to me and how to approach that. It is not a discussion that I will avoid or a theme I will not engage in. Mostly I feel very sober minded and I feel more attracted to the rational point of view, although I realize the the ratio does not explain everything either. Maybe some things will remain a mystery. Even to scientists the universe is a wonder.
I think I want to be in charge of my life myself and not have it be dependent on a Higher Being who’s favor I am trying to gain. Because that is how it felt. Maybe that was the wrong point of view. I want to make the big decisions myself and be responsible myself for the outcomes. I don’t want them to be unexplainable or God inspired. I want there to be a cause and
effect. I make this decision, do that deed, and, most likely, this will be the outcome of that. I think my lack of clear definition of a Higher Being and my approach were also lacking quite a bit of inspiration and if ever I am confronted with this situation again, I will have to try harder to make something of it.
Today it is supposed to rain some more, but it should clear up a bit in the afternoon, which is good, because I have to go to the CWI to get the results of the tests that I had taken and I have an appointment for that. I am very curious what will come out of them and if they will offer me a training. The possibilities are endless I am sure. There are probably things I have not even thought of that I can do.
I just reread the posts from the past week and I see that I mentioned that I would go to the chapel today to light one last candle to say goodbye, so I suppose I will do that. That is actually not such a bad idea. I will do that and sit and contemplate the whole scene for a bit and let the impressions roll over me. I’ll have a good look at the statue of Mary holding the baby Jesus and try to figure out what the allure is. It is set up as a pieta and it will be good to have a closer look at it, which I have never taken the time to do, as I was always kneeling and praying and ignoring Mary. I thought of her more as the Mother Goddess and didn’t want to be too influenced by the Catholic idea of her.
Well, now I have to go and walk the dog and feed the cats. It’s been nice sitting here ruminating, but the show must be got on the road. Have a terrific day everyone. Ciao…
Eduard has put the eye drops in my eyes again this morning, but I don’t think they are going to work, as they are an antibiotic and I don’t see how that is going to work for allergically burning and tearing eyes. There must have been some misunderstanding at the GP’s office. I will use these drops in the meantime, but when I see my GP, I will tell him of the uselessness of them and ask for something else. I think he sometimes doesn’t have his mind on the job properly. It’s up to me to keep the ball rolling, unless he knows something that I don’t know and I don’t think he does.
It was cold outside when I walked the dog. I wore a sweater, but could have used a jacket too. It’s only supposed to get up to 15 degrees Celsius today. The wind is blowing hard and the sky is very grey. It is real Dutch weather like it gets in the springtime and fall. It’s just not supposed to get this way in the summertime.
Okay, I am going to get going now.
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