Another Tired Day…

That’s what I should have called this blog, another tired day. I don’t know how I manage to get so beat up at the end of the day, but I always feel like I am a Roman foot soldier who has been out doing a heavy day of traveling and battling and who is looking forward to his place beside the fire on his little bit of blanket with a cup of sour wine.

Well, that certainly lifted my spirits, because my fate is much better than that of that poor foot soldier. I mean, I get that nice comfortable bed with the 4 pillows and the duvet and a glass of hot milk. Bet you that foot soldier would have liked that better also, not to think of the fact that he had to do battle with his short sword and cut people’s limbs off. I’m sure he wanted to do something else all together when he was a little boy. Probably wanted to be a senator when he grew up or a city administrator or a builder of viaducts.

Anyway, as is usual, I am beat and I don’t think it is from physical exertion, but from pure emotional input in that I had to very carefully fill out a 4 page form and write an explanitory letter to go with it and go to the store and make more copies and then send the whole thing off with 11 attachments and I still don’t know if I got it all right. Time will tell, bureaucracy will move its creaky gears and I will get caught in it somewhere without getting my bones crushed, hopefully.

Tomorrow I have to write another very good letter of objection with all the necessary attachments and hope for all the luck in heaven to be at my side. I can only handle one of these things a day, it is impossible to do two of them. I feel such relief when I am finished with one and have put it in the mail. I walk specifically to the nearest mailbox with the Überhund to do that and always hope that I have put enough stamps on the envelope. I want to put in a note that says, “Look here, I am being a good citizen!”

Around 6 PM, I start to slowly sink towards the center of my gravity and all I want to do is lay down somewhere, but I try not to and try to watch the news instead and watch the behind the news program that’s on right after. Tonight they told us to keep an eye on John McCain and not to underestimate him and also that his runningmate is already making herself much beloved by the republicans for the stance she takes against the snooping journalists.

From what I can gather, Obama is not at all secure of his place in the White House and we may just end up with McCain for president. Actually, that wouldn’t surprise me, since we ended up twice with Bush Jr. for president. How’s that for something odd happening? McCain is not nearly as odd as Bush Jr. Notice how I am saying we? As if I am personally involved? Well, I am , darn it. As a citizen of the world, I am. There are actually people in the Netherlands who think McCain would make a good president, but none of them are politicians, because they can’t make such public pronouncements, although we have one woman politician who is a great admirer of Hillary Clinton and kind of fancies that she is like her. She wishes! I won’t even mention her name.

So, I am always beat at 6 PM and I try to stay awake and I don’t sit down on the sofa, but sit by the dining table and watch the TV from there and keep an eye on the street at the same time to see which people go by. I always imagine that if I have to be the witness to the scene of a crime, I have to be able to give a good account of it. You see, I am like Miss marple and always assume something will happen and I keep track of everything. I am especially suspicious of unmarked white vans and odd men in strange combinations of clothing. My neighborhood is my village.

I went to the store and bought some things when I went to make copies. I bought envelopes, which it turned out I didn’t need, because I found a whole bunch of them later, and I didn’t buy cat food, which it turned out I did need. Now they have to finish the box of food they they don’t like as much, but hey, life is rough. To be a cat around here means you have a pretty good life, except for the grumpy dog.

There is a version of Linux called Ubuntu. There is a very comprehensive website where you can download that version, but you can also order the free CD, which is what I did. The website helps you with any questions you have about installation and using it. It takes the CD about a month to get here, so when I get it, I will be carefully reading all the information on the website. Lord only knows what I am letting myself in for. I need to not be so tired all the time when I get ready to install it, that’s for sure. I have to have my witts about me, but it will be fun.

Well, it’s that time of the evening again. Pajama time! Cup a soup time! TV time! Fall asleep on the sofa time!

Have a good evening people. Do all the things my tired body can’t do…run around the block or something. Have sex.

Ciao…

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Poop and dung.

When we asked our mother what we were having for dinner when we were kids, she would sometimes answer, “Poop and dung,” and the Exfactor’s mother would add to her kids, “Windowsills with noisy sauce.” Such are the strange things Dutch mothers tell their children in the Netherlands when they are tired of the same old question about what’s for dinner.

Sometimes, when I am very silly and tired and I don’t feel like answering the phone, but I must, I say those things when I answer the phone, regardless of who is on the other line. I pick up the phone and say, “Poop and dung and windowsills with noisy sauce.” So far, it has been someone I know, it has yet to be a stranger and that is not because I have call recogntion, because I don’t even look at the number without my reading glasses on. Sometimes I get hit by silliness and I don’t want to take anything seriously anymore.

I tried to take today seriously, as a matter of fact, my brain was taking things way too seriously and I revolted by doing all the opposite things that it wanted me to do. So instead of bending my frustrated head over a lot of new mail and paperwork, I vacuumed, and instead of filling out forms and gathering paperwork, i did laundry, and instead of writing a letter of objection, I went grocery shopping. I just didn’t want to deal with it today, although I know in my head exactly what I need to do.

Then I didn’t open up outlook express and I didn’t read any blogs and I didn’t go to Facebook. I just didn’t have the energy for it and after dinner, I took a nap on the sofa. I think I am temporarily overwhelmed.

When I woke up from my nap, the Überhund was laying beside me very patiently looking at my feet and my shoes, so I asked him if he wanted me to put my shoes on and he got very excited, so that meant yes. That good old dog, all he wants from me is a walk and that was just what I needed.

I had to deworm him today so he had urgent business and I read the enclosure to the package well and found out that dogs need to be dewormed every 6 months, which is something I didn’t know, because the Exfactor always took care of that. So I wrote it down in my diary and will transfer that information to the new diary that I will get in December. He thought it was great, as he thinks anything from a package is great as it all gets wrapped up in good slices of sausage. The pills for the cats are chewable, but do you think those cats will voluntarily chew those pills? No way. I don’t know what the solution is yet. A karate hold may do it with oven mitts on.

This morning at ergo therapy, three of us had to play three different roles and try to trip up two other people who had no idea of our intentions, they were only told to be on their guard. So, one of us was agressive, the other one was neutral and one was overly nice. That was I, the last one. We did it with paper and paint and we had to act out our roles in paper and paint without talking. Our body language and our manner of painting had to clue them in and their reactions were a clue to how they dealt with these different approaches. I was overly sweet and mushy and one of them handled that well and the other one got quite uncomfortable with it. It was very interesting and it was about bounderies and when you set those and how far you let people go. Can a nice person get away with things? Do you let an aggressive person walk all over you? How do you deal with a neutral, equal person?

I really learn a lot there, although with every task we are told to do, there is a huge resistance on my side to do it that I have to overcome. My first reaction is not to do it, that I can’t do it, that it is impossible for me to do. It is like a fear in myself that I have to fight. Then I go and do it perfectly and I wonder why I had all that resistance. Every time it is the same thing.

I am tired people. It is pajama time. Tomorrow will be paper work day. Face reality day.

Ciao…

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A big fat no no.

I notice that I have been calling the Exfactor by his regular name again and I want to stop doing that right away, because it gives the appearance of a familiarity and intimacy that is not there and that I do not want to be there, so he is the Exfactor again from now on. The dog will be the Überhund and the cats will just be the cats or the minion cats as it pleases me. The other woman shall still be named the Paramount. I am still the editor of the script and I still pull the strings.

My sister told me yesterday, that she was under the impression that I had forgiven the Exfactor and I said, “Oh, for God’s sake, no, I will never forgive him. I never forgive anybody, that’s not my job.” She equated being friendly and polite with having forgiven and she could not be more wrong. I do have a great sense of pride within myself and a sense of self worth and I don’t like for anyone to come around and seriously damage that to the point that the Exfactor did. So no, I have not forgiven him and I never will. I have a memory like an elephant.

Anyway. I pulled the same trick this morning that I did yesterday, I got up early and went back to bed to sleep some more after I let the Überhund piddle out back.

I am rereading the Memory Keeper’s Daughter and I’m pretending that I don’t remember any of it so that it will all be a surprise to me. Luckily, I fall asleep with it quickly, so I never get to the point that things start to look real familiar. It is that, or a psychological book called Illusions, which I am not in the mood for right now. It’s a self improvement book and I will become amazingly self knowledgeable after I am done with it, but it seems like too much work and I think I know so much already. Mmm…well…

I suppose I’m not really in the mood to dig too deeply right now, not on my own anyway. I am cruising along comfortably now and I don’t want to rock the proverbial boat. I think I don’t want to join the Personality Disorder Group later this year. I think that is asking for trouble. They want to do a very deep analysis of my childhood and I have done that in the past and let me tell you, that is no picnic. I think it would be a bad idea for me to do that now, especially since I don’t seem to be suffering from a personality disorder at this time. I did not before my marriage and I do not afterwards, which makes me think I don’t really have one. I think it was artificially induced and maintained.

I no longer have short rapid mood cycles. My moods are for the most part always the same, or I should say, they are as normal as anyone else’s. I don’t go from an 8 to a 3 to a 5 to an 8 all in one day anymore. I react appropriately to the circumstances and bounce back well. I am an optimistic person and see the glass half full. It’s my disastrous marriage that screwed me up royally and I didn’t know it until it was over, although at the end I started having many suspicions. Like, why did I always fall apart in the afternoons when the Exfactor came home? And why was it as though he fed my hypo manic and depressive moods?

It’s best not to think about it anymore and let it be in the past where it belongs. I am living this life now that is so much better. A quiet and meditative life with moments of busyness and great hilarity. The occasional stress I can handle too.

Well, it’s time to watch the news and be a well informed citizen. How good and well behaved of me.

Have a great day, or what’s left of it.

Ciao…

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You’re at the right place.

Feeling frustration in real life, i felt I had to do something in my other life, my blogging life, and just for awhile I am going to try this design on and not have any naked ladies hang around the place. Sometimes it feels so good to make a change and it sort of lifts my spirit, but you will all have to let me know how this works for you. That may or may not influence me. I’ll see.

The wonderful news is, that the tax people just called and that they made a decision in my favor and that as of July the first I will have housing and medical care subsidies, so I have some money coming in. There was no problem at all and I could have reached over the phone and given that woman a hard hug. I had been so worried. So, something is going right today. On top of that, my older sister sent me some money which is enough to go to Ikea with to buy a rug for by the sofa to cover up two cigarette burns in the linoleum. My younger sister and I will do that tomorrow.

So, you see I do have some things going right for me too. Thank goodness for that. I will somehow remain eternally optimistic, as long as Visa comes through with the money, which I think they will. I have had a computer generated confirmation as to my request, so I assume all is well. At least after this phone call from the tax people, my stomach is not in knots anymore.

I got up rather early this morning and after piddling around behind the PC for awhile, i decided that I wasn’t properly awake yet and went back to bed, where i very promptly fell asleep and slept until 10AM, which was super, but after that, it was hard to get the day going, feeling like languishing in my pajamas and not walking the dog, whom I let piddle out back.

I drank coffee and smoked cigarettes and hung out on Facebook and generally wasted my time. Sometimes it is nice to be a lady of leisure, or pretend to be one. Jesker was very mellow about the whole thing and there was not a peep out of him. Sometimes he can be very demanding about wanting to go out, but at times he seems oblivious and just plops down and goes to sleep as if he knows I’m not in the proper mood.

I’ve done some housework, so I haven’t quite wasted the day and the apartment looks clean enough if you wear roller skates and roll through it really fast. There is always something undone and some area that needs my attention, but then I am not a stickler for details and I easily let things slide as long as it looks halfway decent. I do notice that everything stays cleaner now that I live here on my own. No dust devil here with motor grease.

What really amuses me is how little TV I watch. I really have to make the effort to turn it on and I don’t have a TV guide, so I very seldom know what’s going to be on, I only find out by chance. I try to watch the news, but very often even that slides by me and I miss what’s going on in the world and am a badly informed citizen. Do you think that can be held against me? Such irresponsibility. Neither do I read a newspaper, although I could easily read the BBC News on line. I think I’ve become to self centered in my little busy world.

The kids are back in school and every morning troves of them walk by the apartment with their parents. Kids of all nationalities. it is a regular melting pot an it gives me pleasure to see it. Some of the women wear head scarves and some of the black women wear reggae colors. They are all very colorful. The kids jabber in all sorts of languages plus Dutch. They all stop to look at the cats that sit in the windows. Nouri gets scared and runs away, but Toby and Gandhi stay put. They understand the protection of glass.

Jesker thinks he has to bark at everybody who looks in and thinks he is a great protector of all of us. he doesn’t understand why i don’t get upset and just sit there.

Some art:

I have a limp cigarette that’s being puled down by gravity when I try to take a drag off it. I guess it is a dud. You do get those sometimes. It’s real tricky to make good cigarettes, you have to get just the right amount of tobacco in.

Well, my dog wants to go out now and no amount of telling him to be patient is making a difference, so off we must go. I will put my walking shoes on and my jacket and put lots of baggies in my pocket.

Have a great day. I am planning on relaxing as much as possible the rest of the day, having no stomach tied in knots now.

Ciao…

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What the hell?

Because I had to live on a teeny little welfare check for two months, that was not even enough to buy groceries with, Eduard supported me financially the best way he could by also borrowing money and making ends meet. Because of this, Social Services sees this money as income and is therefor not giving me my regular welfare check for this month. As a matter of fact, I am getting no money at all. So, until September the 20th, I will have to live on the money I borrow from my Visa card, because money borrowed is not considered income, because you can show that you are having to pay it back. I can not receive money from anybody else, as that will be considered income and will be withdrawn from my welfare payment. I can submit an objection, but it is all going to take precious time and in the meantime I am going to be very poor and owing a lot of money.

Still, after the initial shock of it, I decided to put on my happy face and consider myself lucky that I even have a credit card with enough credit left on it that I can borrow the money from. I would have to go through all sorts of lengths to get money otherwise and frankly, I would not know how, except for hanging a red light in the window. So, I’m trying to look at it cheerfully.

The man who is handling my case at Social Services now is new and he thought that the money I had received from Eduard was an alimony payment and that I would get that much money all the time. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry and I told him that I was sorry, but that I had to pull myself together and that I would call him back shortly. I did have to pull myself together emotionally and I don’t like to do that while on the phone with a well meaning, but complete stranger.

This also explains why the tax people, who decide about my rent and medical care subsidies, told me they would call me back later this week between 1 and 3 PM. They are probably also assuming that I received a large amount of money in alimony payments and will forever. I sure do have some straightening out to do.

Anyway, this bright and happy news did set the tone for the rest of my day, even though I did not want it to, but I couldn’t help but be affected by it. The best thing to do is put on my brave trooper face and act like the whole damn thing is not going to get me down and it won’t in the end. I just hate bureaucracy and the stiff unbending rules that make it work against the little honest people. Eduard and I should have lied our heads off or have made different arrangements, but c’est la vie.

In the meantime, life at the Pondorosa continues with all the regular things that take place, although today was a little bit off. I did walk Jesker four times, but we didn’t make a long walk once, because he gets out of breath so quickly. He pants for a long time when we get back. I have been noticing that this summer. It’s not the heat, because it hasn’t been warm here at all for quite awhile.

I am having fun with Facebook, because this time it is I who picks out who I want to be friends with and I have a eclectic set of rules that only I understand. It comes down to instinct basically, guided by some very basic standards. I manage okay that way and have made some new friends. I even got Eduard to join, which is a miracle of itself.

Tomorrow I have wonderful ergo therapy and we will discuss detachment. I feel I have to crawl into my shell when I get bitterly disappointed, but maybe the thing is to seek your solace amongst people and their healing presence. At least I assume their presence can be healing. I am Irene the Brave, master of all my emotions. Right!

Eduard was here this afternoon, because his mobile phone is in my name and we thought his subscription had to be renewed and the person who owns the phone has to do that. It turned out that the subscription didn’t need to be renewed, it does it of itself, so that was a waste of time, even though they told us last year that we would have to do this. I had my passport and client number all ready for it too. Good intentions all the way down the line.

I am especially looking forward to going to bed tonight, even though so far I am postponing it, but it does mean an end to this rather disappointing day. At the same time, I don’t want to go to bed with even the slightest defeated feeling, so I am staying up until that is completely gone.

Jesker is snoring beside me after he has been very good about letting me put his eye drops in.

The differences between the cats and the dog are really so large. The dog is so dependent on me and the cats are hardly at all. Well, yes they are for their food and water and milk and they let me know very loudly when they’ve run out, but other than that, they are independent creatures that make up their own mind about when they come and go and when they need attention and how much they want. I am much more like a cat that way, because I like my independence too and I hate to be shackled to a time and a place and a person. I would hate to be a dog and I would probably bite my owner in his bum out of frustration. Maybe that’s why I am always so overly nice and patient with Jesker, because I would hate to be him and be dependent on a human being. I try to be an understanding human being for Jesker. I felt the same way when my kids were little and they were dependent on me.

I swept the apartment with a broom and a brush and dustpan this afternoon, because i thought the tax people might call me and I don’t hear the phone when I have the vacuum cleaner running. It worked equally well and you would be amazed by how much sand and hair I swept up. Actually, it was a meditative sort of job and kind of pleasant to do and I may do it again. The drawback is that I don’t vacuum the sofa and chairs then, so I will have to do that another time or wave my magic wand and have them turn out perfectly clean that way. Ha, I wish.

Well, I’ll end this epistle and go and do some other things until I am good and ready for bed. I could go on forever, but I don’t want to bore you with every tiny detail of my life, fascinating as it all may be.

See you all tomorrow, sleep tight.

Ciao…

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Mad dash.

This morning I made a mad dash into town to the lawyer, because I finally, after 3 months, got that marriage certificate I have been waiting for and which could hold up all the divorce proceedings if I did not have it. My daughter took care of me getting it in the end, but it was like pulling teeth, very painful and very slow. We should celebrate the fact that we’ve got it now, although I am waiting for the phone to ring and have the lawyer tell me that it is the wrong kind of certificate and that the Dutch courts will not accept it. Heaven forbid. I must not call disaster upon myself.

Social Services has moved to a whole new location and as a result, I do not have my monthly payment yet or the paperwork to tell me what it will be and why. The bank account is dwindling again, so they better get their act together quickly, or I will be robbing Peter again. Nor have I heard anything yet about the housing and medical care subsidies, so I will call them on Monday. Life is a bitch…

I am waiting for the Exfactor to come over as he said he would come for a visit. He has a new cast on his arm and he does not need surgery. He takes the short train ride from where he lives into town and gets around as well as he can. I guess he hobbles.

I would hate to be bothered with an arm in a cast and I have never broken anything, except for some fingers when I was doing some plumbing, by putting to much force on the wrench and having the thing slip on me. Ouch.

Yes, I am a real do it your selfer when called for. The only thing I don’t do well is drill holes into these very hard walls that we have here. In America you just punch a whole in the wall wherever, with whatever nail you’ve got. No such luck here. You need a hard stone drill bit and a very strong drill and muscle power.

I guess the Exfactor won’t be helping me hang up any movie poster any time soon. Oh well, I still can go and buy the frames and get them ready to hang. Maybe if I look at my upstairs neighbor kindly. The top upstairs neighbor who is an artist, supposedly, is really an alcoholic. I’ve met him in the stairwell and been met by fumes of alcohol and I have seen his unfocused drunken little eyes. So, he is no great asset to the building. They always put at least one loser in these apartments. He is quiet, though, and I think he has several lady friends who keep him and his apartment looking presentable. He comes and goes on a scooter and it does look a little banged up. As if he uses unmovable objects to stop against.

Now I need to take a nap…

Well, instead of taking a nap, I washed the dishes and did some laundry, which are also useful ways to squander your time, although I would have preferred the nap. It is that sort of day. It has been steadily raining all afternoon and it doesn’t look like it will stop anytime soon. I think it may be time to build the Ark of Noah and start sorting out those animals and fertile men and women.

The Exfactor was here with a very sore knee with a huge scab on it and a fluorescent yellow cast on his arm. It looked mighty impressive. he also had other assorted bruises and scabs on other parts of his arms and legs. He looked like he took a real slider.

The Überhund acted like his normal self, meaning that he nearly choked on his own little puppy sounds that he made out of happiness at seeing the Exfactor. He really makes a big deal out of it and gets himself so worked up that I have to tell him to quit. He could have an epileptic fit. The Exfactor has that effect on him always and makes him behave in crazy ways and the Überhund loses all his dignity. Luckily, the cats are cooler and only come to greet him when they are good and ready in their own sweet time, when they feel like it. Cats are so cool that way, which makes me think I have more of a cat personality than a dog one. I’d never jump up and down for joy for anybody like the Überhund does.

Anyway, we had a nice visit and I sent him off with an umbrella, although this does infringe upon his manly ego somewhat, to be seen with an umbrella, so I gave him the most masculine looking one and the one I least use myself. The Exfactor does come with an instruction booklet and I am glad that I am not the one who has to read it anymore. The Paramount can partake in that joyful activity now.

I can’t believe it is Friday again and that we will be enjoying another weekend tomorrow. It seems when you get older, time flies by quickly. It is like my life consists of very short weeks with very many weekends. I am not complaining about the weekends, but the time flying by sort of intimidates me, as it means I’m getting older faster and I am all in favor of slowing down that process. I have even started using a day cream every day to ward off wrinkles, which I will curse if they appear on my face and smear bat’s poop and toad’s slime on if it works. I’ll become a good witch and ward off evil blemishes to my face.

I’ve still got a list of rock and roll bands that I need to get the CD’s of from the library, but I don’t own a library card and I think they are 70 Euro’s, which is a little steep for my pocketbook right now. I suppose that for now I will live without this music and keep it on my wish list for the near future. I so very brightly and spritely want to stay on top of modern music and keep some sort of beat going in my body that is never allowed to die out. I need to stay on top of things all the time. I think it may be time for a little trip to Deezer and find out what the latest offerings are.

Right then, you all have yourself a really good day and a musical one if you must and keep it dry.

The trick is to not do so many rain dances, somebody ought to stop doing those.

Ciao…

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Hot and muggy.

It’s very warm and muggy outside and I just vacuumed my little heart out until the sweat trickled down my back and I said, “Okay, that is enough of that! No animals deposit any more hair on the furniture until the day after tomorrow.” Ha, wishful thinking. I even turned the sofa cushions and vacuumed the reverse sides, how’s that for good housekeeping? What made me do it? I don’t know. I was hoping to find a 50 Euro bill someone might have dropped there. No such luck, of course.

I wore my skimpiest dress, which is also my favorite dress, as it is very light weight and is has the least little bit of sleeves, well you can hardly call them that, They’re more like little shoulder covers and they show my lacy black bra straps. Woo hoo.

I need to take a nap….

Well, I wanted to take a nap, but then the phone rang and it was my friend Lucien who’s mother recently died, so we spent some time talking about that and when I got off the phone I made a shopping list and went to the grocery store, where I bought some of that very good pudding I like so much and so does the Überhund.

Then I called the Exfactor to see how he is doing and then I turned on the TV to see how the Netherlands did in the horse dressure and found out that we won a gold medal, which is very gratifying and the horse and rider did beautifully to a piece of music composed especially for them by Wibi Soerjadi, a classic piano player.

Then I took a nap and the Überhund had to wake me up, because he had to go out very badly, so I took my keys and let him run outside, which he loves and sometimes I just let him do that, I don’t put him on the leash and we circle the block and stay on all the grassy areas and he thinks it is great. I just have to be careful that he doesn’t cross a street, which in his exuberance he will do.

He’s been really good about me putting his eye drops in, because he gets a reward afterwards, so not a grumble out of him. Today some junk came out of his eye and I’ll take that as a good sign. I wiped it right out and it was clear and whitish.

The Exfactor is going to the University Hospital here in town for his follow up on his broken wrist, which I think is good, because it is a very large and modern hospital with all the latest resources. They will put a new cast on his arm, because the one he has on now is quite uncomfortable. Somehow he manages on his own and can even walk to the store with his badly banged up knee to get his groceries. I am glad about that, because I would hate for him to be in a position where he needed to be taken care of. My sister offered to help him, but I think he turned her down, as he is stubborn and wants to do things on his own. He is even talking about going into work as soon as his knee gets a little better and he can move the fingers of the arm that is in the cast better.

Tomorrow morning I have ergo therapy and I am already hot and bothered about it, no, that’s from the weather, but I know she is going to discuss our lesser personality traits and I already know that I am not willing to give any of them up. To me, giving them up would mean being the opposite of them and that is how I used to be and I don’t want to be like that anymore. The only one I would find worth considering changing is the one that says I am remote or stand offish. I am friendly, but not easily approachable, but through pain and shame you get very wise and that is what 14 years of being a psychiatric patient has done for me. It has put up an invisible, but impenetrable barrier between me and my fellow human beings.

So, I will make a concession on that one, but not on the other ones. I will stay cynical and foolhardy and strict and detail oriented. I’ve worked hard to become those things and I am not going to let go of them and become less of them than what I am. I especially like being cynical, as I see people around me who are not and who are foolish and get themselves into all sorts of awkward situations.

My sister is so naive, that for 12 years she thought that dandelions were called dandy liners, because someone in America had told her that. That’s what I mean. She told me that’s what they were called a few months ago and I had to set her straight with some effort. This is just a minor example, of course. She also thinks that young bachelor men don’t go to the all naked sauna to look at naked women, they go there out of their high moral principles. Do you have a Brooklyn Bridge you want to sell or some property in Florida?

I don’t think you can get through life without being cynical. I think it is a great asset and I think back in humiliation to the time when I wasn’t and I took everything at face value.

Well, anyway…

Two cats are transfixed in front of the window by events that are not taking place in the street. They just act like there is something to look at and pretend it is of great interest to them. It could be a falling leaf. I always hate to close the curtains in the evening, because I feel that I am robbing the cats of their amusement factor and I always wonder why the Überhund never looks out the window, when all he has to do is get on his two hind feet. He absolutely shows no interest, except when people stop to look at the cats sitting there. Then he starts barking madly and scares everybody away, including the cats.

It’s time to call a halt to these proceedings. I am going to mindlessly watch some TV and eat toast. In my pajamas.

Have a great whatever you are having. Morning, afternoon or evening.

Ciao.

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Blog roll.

Well, I have managed to put a blog roll on this blog anyway, even after the widget said that it had no options for a it. Being stubborn and ornery I just went ahead anyway and presto, we have a blog roll.

If you feel that it is incomplete and that there should be other blogs on it, please send me a gentle reminder and I will take care of it, I may have overlooked some. I was working with old material. I may be missing blogs that are quite interesting and hilarious, so I am open to suggestions.

The day started off well enough with me sleeping until 5:30 AM and I think that is a quite decent time, considering I went to bed on time. I blogged until 7 Am and then shut off the computer to spend some quality time with the Uberhund and the cats. I must not neglect them and the Uberhund especially likes a good cuddle in the morning when he has just woken up.

Then we take our pills and the cats have gotten wise to the fact that the Uberhund gets his pills in slices of luncheon meat and now all show up for their share. They are small slices of a farmers sausage and a package goes a long way, so we can spare some. It’s so easy to make all of them happy.

We had a good old walk and the weather was nice and cool. Sometimes the Uberhund determines the direction, but mostly I do, as I find that we start to walk in circles if he does. Yesterday, I had him off the leash for just a little while in the corner of the field and he managed to get away from me and walk into someone’s yard and entered their house, which was slightly embarrassing. He just wanted to have a look around. The owners were very surprised when a dog walked into their living room.

Our cat Gandhi knows when we are coming home and waits behind the front door in an attempt to escape into the stairwell, because she knows I won’t chase her but wait for her to come back down. Sometimes, she does end up in the street however when some unsuspecting person opens the outside door. That is her whole plan, because that is where she wants to be.

I had to sit in my sister’s house today and wait for furniture to be delivered as nobody was going to be home there. I had to be there between 12:30 and 2 PM, but the truck showed up at 1 PM and I was glad that I didn’t have to wait for a long time, even though I had the Uberhund with me. I much prefer to be in my own place where I can smoke and drink liters of coffee.

At 3PM I had my hair cut and I am quite happy with it and now realize that I wait too long in between haircuts, because my hair grows quickly and very soon it is out of style, so I have marked in my agenda when my next haircut should be, which is at the most 5 weeks from now. The girl who cuts my hair always does a good job and I am always happy with it and I always look perky when I leave there. It takes her all of 15 minutes to cut my hair and blow dry it.

Oh yes, I of all people have managed to get a Visa card, can you believe it? I am only going to use it for emergencies or when I am traveling, but I thought I had better have one, because I feel a little insecure without one. Some things can only be arranged if you have a credit card and I have often felt frustrated because of the lack of one. It seems that any fool can get a credit card nowadays.

If you have a gastric band and you drink a soda, you will find that you very quickly get a very full feeling. You feel like burping all the time. So it’s best not to drink one in polite company.

I gave the Uberhund an extra flea treatment, as he was scratching this morning and now he is not anymore. He is sleeping the sleep of the innocents. I’ve combed him with a special comb and all sorts of nasty things came out. I’ll have to do that one or twice again to get him really clean. I put the Tupperware box of treats in front of him and he cooperates beautifully. He doesn’t take any out of the box, it is just the anticipation.

Well, that is it for me for now. I need to go and watch the news or some other sensible program. It doesn’t do to not be well informed. I feel a great need to eat something very special, but I would have to go get it first. I just may do that.

Ciao…

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Lazy Sunday.

The Uberhund and I just came back from our midday walk and the only interesting person we met was a very anorexic looking woman who looked like she would be carried away by the least bit of wind. She didn’t look so good and I suspect drugs are involved too and I thank my lucky stars for the state of affairs of my life when I see how much worse it can be. At east I am a hefty looking woman on legal medication with a roof over my head.

Speaking of which, the dress I am wearing today is definitely getting to big on me and I suspect that I won’t be wearing it too many more times, unless I wear it a lot in the very near future.  It’s gaping in the back and I can pull it at the waste and stick in a skinny person.  I could be pregnant in it easily, but that miracle isn’t going to take place, so I will have to kiss this sweetheart of a dress goodbye soon. That breaks my heart just a little bit, because I like it a lot.

I have a belt with many holes in it and I just keep moving up holes and hitching it tighter, which is a very pleasurable thing to do.  I love all my clothes and many of them I will keep wearing for a while yet. I planned them that way, so that even if I lose the next 5 kilos, my clothes will still look good. I would hate to have to spend my precious money on a new wardrobe and have to give away the clothes i have, because I am so attached to them.

I like nothing better than standing in front of the closet in the morning and deciding what I am going to wear and having ample choice. Oh, I then I forget the clothes that are in the ironing basket.  I must get them done and increase the possibilities.  Isn’t it wonderful? The cats always take the opportunity to climb into the closet and can only be pulled out with much effort while they cling to the neatly folded t-shirts and sweaters. They try to hide in the very top and have been known to spend the whole day locked up in there. Not a peep out of them.

Now that I have my necklaces hanging up so neatly on the children’s coat rack, choosing one of them to go with the right outfit has become much easier too, although I have to admit that I have my favorites and I clearly see which way my style in them goes, so I must look for more like them. The only problem is, that that is one item that they never have on sale in my favorite clothes store. They figure those items sell themselves always, and they do, like hotcakes.

You see how I spend no money on books, but I do spend money on clothes. I am a vain person and I like buying clothes better than anything. I don’t dawdle when I am in a store and try on a dozen things. I go straight for the target, find the right size and pay for it. That’s how full of confidence I am. That’s why I like to shop only at one or two stores. Then I know all about their sizes and if they fit and if the quality is good and if they have a good return policy, because sometimes I err in judgment. Just sometimes I do.

If I weren’t so poor right now, I would go out and buy a new necklace, I am craving one very badly, I can envision it in my mind and how it will be to wear it. I feel naked without one, as if I have forgotten a crucial piece of clothing if I go out without one. My younger sister is the same way and I just found out my eldest sister is too. We have a necklace fetish.

I have a adorable sun dress that I ordered on line before i knew i was getting divorced. It is the right size, but it is very clingy and show my curves a little too well. I need to lose some weight to do it justice and I have it hanging in my closet for next year when I will have a svelte figure. I think Marilyn Monroe had one of those. As sun dresses go, it is rather sexy, and I will feel very special in it, so I have a lot to look forward to.

I now have a cat on my lap who wants a lot of love, so I am typing very carefully so she won’t fall of. She always thinks that this is a good time to get some loving, when I am typing. My lap seems to be perfect then. The dog is within an inch of getting stepped on or having my chair rolled over him. My, such togetherness, such coziness. The Ubercat has his second cold in as many months and will have to go to the vet if it doesn’t clear up. he has runny eyes and he is sneezing. I hope he is not contagious, but the other cats are fine. The Exfactor will love the vet bill.

I just got an email from the energy company saying that the average energy bill will increase by 10 Euros a month. I must be very frugal and I hope I estimated my usage well enough, if not, i will have to pay extra at the end of the year and that will not be a nice surprise. I am constantly turning off lights and not turning lights on if it can be helped.

I try to be a frugal grocery shopper too, but find out that there are many unexpected expenses that add to the grocery bill and that my estimate was too low. So, I have had to adjust that upward. Welcome to the real world, Irene. You can’t live on bread and water. I only go shopping twice a week and stick to the list I make, no improvisational shopping. I do allow myself a big bottle of diet soda once a week, because it is so nice and refreshing when it is hot. It takes away that hollow feeling in your stomach too.

I have completely grown used to my single bed and the bedroom arrangement around it. The Uberhund sleeps on his pillow next to the bed and the bedroom is easy to keep clean because everything has its place. Men are always so messy with their used tissues and their socks and underwear all over the place. Actually, the whole apartment stays cleaner. The Exfactor was like that little character from Charlie Brown who always had that cloud of dirt hanging about him. I still have to clean all the light switches.

The weekend has been most pleasant and not at all a repeat of the weekend before this one. I have found much peace in being by myself with the animals and  being alone but not lonely. Tomorrow the rat race starts again.

Hope you all had a nice weekend and enjoyed it as much as I have. Take care.

Ciao…

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Unproductive to a point.

This was going to be a very productive day with me vacuuming and cleaning out the last kitchen cupboard, but somehow it isn’t turning out that sort of day at all. Instead, it is turning into a cozy day at home with the Uberhund and the cats, while outside it rains on and off and the world gets refreshed and very brightly green. I do like cozy days at home and since the day is only half way over yet, all things are possible and I may surprise myself and accomplish a big deed yet. We’ll see how the mood strikes me.

I do like this kind of weather. It makes me feel all safe and comfortable inside my little apartment and with just a few lights on it gives an atmosphere of real coziness. Dutch people are big on coziness, It is a stop word for us. We are always looking for it wherever we go.

I did just go and have a coffee with my sister where she practiced her signature in her maiden name and we had to find the nicest one. We finally settled on the best one that is also the most readable. She had changed her signature when she got married, where i had kept mine when I did, so I did not have that added problem. I gave her the book on how to get through a divorce for the first time that has many good tips in it. I hope it helps her a lot. They have the added complications of children and shared property, which the Exfactor and I didn’t have.

The Exfactor and the Paramount only see each other once every two weeks. Doesn’t sound like a very intense relationship, does it? He says that this is fine with him and I’ll have to take his word for it, but I wonder if he was not hoping for more. I think he might like a little bit more companionship than that. I don’t know why this was arranged this way, if it was to give her room with her other friends or if it is truly to give each other the space they need, but it is unconventional, considering he gave up his marriage for it.

He told me very proudly the other day, that he had not been reading my blog anymore and I said that that was good, because he would not have been able to anyway. I do appreciate him making the effort in not reading it anymore, but I still think it was better to remove the temptation all together and especially remove it out of the regions of the Paramount, crafty as she is. A woman does have a way to figure things out if she wants to badly enough. I’m a woman, I know these things.

I was once in a relationship with a man who was very dishonest emotionally. I learned to be very crafty and discover the truth about most things, but I did not enjoy playing that role of detective and being a subterfuge person. I developed a dislike for myself and my behavior, forced as I thought I was into it. It was all a very sick game we were playing and tearing myself lose from it was very painful, because dysfunctional behavior becomes addictive sometimes. Maybe the Paramount got a thrill out of the illegality of the relationship she had with the Exfactor. I hope for his sake that there is more than that. I wish for him to have romance and love in his life.

I, on the other hand, wish none of that for me. I wish for good friendships and good relationships with my sisters and my daughter. I wish for my mind to be equally clear and strong in the morning as it is at night when I go to bed. I want to continue to have these nice and relaxed relationships with the Uberhund and the minion cats, this harmonious togetherness.

Oh, by the way, the Uberkat and his sidekick the white cat are staying with me. In turn, the Exfactor is paying for my mobile phone. He wants them to stay in a place where they are happy and not subject them to a move and the stress that comes with it, not knowing where he is going to end up. it may be in an apartment 5 stories up.

Now it is true that the animals have been especially mellow since the Exfactor has been gone, so he does seem to have functioned as some sort of disturbing signal in the apartment. That is gone now and everybody is very relaxed. We have our routines and regular eating times and serenity and solitude and it all makes for quite living with some nice music in the background. I think the animals pick up on that.

So I don’t mind if the Uberkat and his white sidekick stay. They are no problem at all and I hardly notice any difference with one cat or three. Of course the one minion cat will always be the Uberhund’s favorite, but I am working on him accepting the other two more also and to not be so jealous of them. That’s why I have two hands to pet two animals with at the same time.

My sister was here briefly with her dog and he is not used to cats and is secretly afraid of them. He tries to hide this behind a certain amount of bravour and acting tougher than he is, but he is really afraid that they will jump up at him and bite him in the face. My cats don’t know this and find safe and high places to sit while he is here and glare at him with a lot of suspicion in their eyes. The dog sees their food dishes and thinks of only one thing, how to devour what is in them as quickly as possible. You know: Found food and all that. That dog has food on the brain.

The Uberhund has no sense of ownership when it comes to my sister’s dog and makes no effort to protect his territory. He doesn’t protect the cats or their food dishes.

Well. I typed a whole bunch of more stuff after this, but WordPress developed a problem and didn’t save it and swallowed my post. Luckily, it saved most of it as a draft, but then I had some trouble retrieving it. So I went off and did some other things, like vacuum the living room and the sofa and the chairs. I did accomplish something anyway and then there’s that one kitchen cupboard to clean yet.

Art, where’s the art? I don’t know, I am not artistic lately, I feel like a total dud when it comes to artistic endeavors and I need to be inspired by something grand. There are people out there doing some really good things, but I need to do something really good in real life in my creative therapy class. I have a vision of making a sculpture out of clay and I have the general shape in my head, but getting it done 3 dimensionally is something else all together, of course. I hope not to find out that I really am a total dud and not bake anything of it at all. I would hope to be exuberant, but I’m afraid I’ll just be uptight and narrow minded.

Alright, I have to read some blogs now. It’s a promise I made myself. I must do it. I’ve got an hour before I have to walk the Uberhund, so that gives me some time.

Ciao…

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