Full of it.

I had two pieces of toast early this morning and it is now almost 1 PM and I still feel very full, as a matter of fact, I am burping, so that gastric band is really doing its job. Usually, around this time, I would have been eating again, but I don’t feel like it yet. Even the vitamin pills that I took this morning made me feel full, well, they were quite a handfull. That reminds me that I have to look for Omega 3 capsules, because they are supposed to be good for whatever ails you and I do want to add them to the supplements I take. I also want to be taking those kelp tablets again as a supplement to my thyroid medication. You see, I am on a real health kick. I’ve got all my bottles neatly lined up on the kitchen windowsil, next to the Überhund’s pills, so I don’t forget to take them.

Just now, out of the blue, and anticipating some money I will get for my birthday, I ordered a new tunic on line and some ankle boots. They were both very reasonably priced, so I don’t feel all that bad, and it is my birthday and it made me happy. Happy people live longer, I’m convinced of it, so do people who look good. The better looking you are, the longer you live, it’s a theory I have that anyone can shoot holes through without any effort, I know. I need my fantasies, don’t I?

I’ve done the grocery shopping and bought the Überhund some reatively expensive dog food especially for older dogs. He had not been eating well lately and I worried about him getting all his vitamins and minerals. So, I brought this food home and put some in his dish and he ate most of it, so he seems to like it. Which is another relief, because about dog food, he is a picky eater. This stuff is called Benifull, I don’t know if any of you have ever heard of it. It is a no nonsense dog food without all the colors and shapes. The same as the food that the cats are getting now. The colors and shapes are there only for us humans, after all.

I vacuumed the kitchen and the living room and the hallway and the sofa and the chairs. I bet I have to do it again tomorrow before the Exfactor and my sister come.  I bought them each a pastry, but I got none for me. I figure I can’t eat that and I don’t need it anyway. I did buy a container of fresh juice, so that is different than the soda I usually buy. More calories too. I am trying to be very conscious about my health and what little I eat, has to be healthy. That’s why I buy the really good bread and not the factory bread and the margarine with the good start vitamins in it. It’s a bit more expensive, but then I eat so little that I can afford it.

The thing I don’t eat anymore is eggs. For some reason they don’t agree with me and i always end up upchucking them, the same with cheese, I can’t eat that either. I can eat yogurt and curd, lovely with fruit in them and then the non fat kind. I sure am lucky that I live in the dairy country, there is a infinite choice of dairy products and varieties, although there probably is all over Western Europe.

I always make a list before I go to the store and stick to it, otherwise there is too much temptation to buy other things as well, like those little containers of potato salad that I like so well, or the chocolate mousse. I must stick to the shopping list and if I want to cheat, I have to write it on the shopping list beforehand, otherwise I don’t get it. There will not be much cheating now. My stomach feels so full.

Anyway, I don’t do much impulse buying. Very rarely do I buy something that is not on the list and I very rarely let myself buy something that is advertised and that I was not plannning on buying, unless it is something I know I will use in the very near future. Like the cleansing towelettes for my face that I bought this week that were on sale. That is an exception. I am probably a rotten client for the supermarket, but I am steady. I do tend to buy products that are on sale if I was planning on buying some of that already, like dishwashing liquid. If the expensive stuff is on sale, I buy that. I don’t buy cheap items just because they are cheap, many times they are inferior and you get a bad product. Like hairspray, for instance. I bought the cheap one once and regretted it very much, because my hair was like a sticky bunch of spiderwebs.

I just took the Überhund for a walk and he was his usual scrounging street dog self again. Anything that was even remotely edible ended up in his mouth from where I can not dislodge it.  I don’t even try anymore. It is a lost battle for me, he suffers the consequences, except that he doesn’t seem to put two and two together. His instincts are lost to him. Dumb dog.

I saw the strangest woman.  She looked like a stereo typical gypsy woman and she had a small child with her. She even wore those kinds of clothes and had the skin color and the black hair done up in a lose bun and a weather beaten face. It looked like she was a character out of another time, that’s how much she stood out. I was quite startled, because you don’t see many real gypsies around here and she was so very much like one. She had a cigarette dangling from her mouth and she seems a bit uncouth as if she had a chip on her shoulder. She may have been Rumanian. They have a tough life and can’t seem to assimilate, but I can’t figure out what she was doing here. It’s a puzzlement. When I came back, she was gone. Another mystery for Miss Marple.

One streets over, they are having a block party. The street is blocked off and a big party tent has been put up. Various cables lead to the tent and I saw a big barbecue. That should be fun. You see a lot of streets organize these kinds of things. I don’t see our street doing it. We are not cohesive enough. We’re only on saying hello terms.

For some reason my spell check has stopped working and if I do want to double check a word, it gives me a Ducth option, even though I have my language settings in English. It also does this in comments on Blogger and on facebook. Something screwy going on. We are now in the Twilight Zone.

I have two scabs on my left arm that I keep pulling off, not allowing them to heal. It’s a nervous habit that I have. Every time there is a scab, I pull it off and the whole process has to start all over again. I am trying not to do it, but it almost is like an automism, I have to do it. I like pulling off scabs. This way I always look like the walking wounded and people always ask what I have done to my arm, when it is realy nothing at all. I must stop doing that.

I haven’t put my face on yet and went to the store with a bare naked face. Sometimes it is nice not to bother with your make up for awhile. I am going to check in my closet to see what I am going to wear, because what I have on now, I was wearing yesterday and I need some excitement in my life. Pick out a different necklace too. You never know which jehova witness is going to show up at the door.

I think I will go do that now and clean the bathroom. I almost can’t stand the excitement in my life. I could have gone into town today, but it is too much effort and it will be busy and I will have to walk over the heads of the tourists. Oh, those ankle boots I ordered are so cute, but I don’t get them until next week. That’s a long wait when you are impatient.

I just got a card from my oldest sister witha large gift of money in it. That will take ample care of the clothes I ordered. See how it all works out?

Have a good one.

Ciao…

Read Full Post »

A slow start.

The day started off with me getting up at 5AM and fixing myself a mug of coffee and turning on the computer, but all the while I was sitting there kind of bleary eyed as if I wasn’t quite in my right senses. I tried to remedy this by drinking the coffee and eating some toast, but it was all for naught and at 6AM I was forced to go back to bed and sleep some more, which I did very easily. All I had to do was put my head on the pillows and pull the duvet over me.

I woke up at 10 AM and finally felt awake enough to stumble out of bed to the Senseo machine to make myself some coffee and have a nice leisurely wake up with numerous mugs of coffee and equally numerous cigarettes, except that suddenly the Exfactor showed up to come and get some motor parts and I was still in my pajamas which he didn’t seem to notice at all. He was never observant that way. We had a cup of coffee and then he was on his way and I called my older sister and had a nice leisurely chat with her. That way the morning was a complete waste of time. I did check my bank account and found out that I am solvent again.

Then I carefully picked out what i was going to wear and took the Überhund for a walk and he surprised me with three baggies full. Luckily, I am always prepared.

I cleaned the house and then noticed that my back tire was kind of low and called the Exfactor to find out if I had a bike pump anywhere. it turned out I did and I proceeded to try and pump up my tire and I did it wrong and in the process let all the air our of my tire and couldn’t figure out how to work the pump to get the air back in, so i had to call the Exfactor again to ask him what to do. He was kind enough to come over and show me what I had done wrong and how to do it right the next time. Isn’t that awful? A Dutch woman who doesn’t know how to work the bike pump?

Anyway, I made rice in chicken bouillon for the Überhund who knew exactly what I was doing and was waiting very impatiently for me to get done with it. The cooling off period is the worst, because he knows that it is done, but he has to wait. Actually, I am now becoming quite adept at cooking rice, which was not one of my strong points before. You just mustn’t let yourself get intimidated by it.

I am trying to read so many blogs now that I have to take out a few hours every day to read them all. I do want to leave comments, as I appreciate it so much when people leave comments on mine. I would like to get paid for reading blogs, that would be a good part time job for me.

I need to go walk the Überhund as it is starting to get dark outside and I don’t want to wait too long, besides, he is giving me signals that it is time, so I better go now. See you in a while…

So, we had ourselves a nice little walk, although there are always various bushes and other interesting nooks and crannies that i have to pull him out of, where he looks for (in)edible stuff to munch on. He has very strange taste in food stuff. Pretty disgusting actually. He acts like he is a starving street dog who never gets anything to eat. His nose is always to the ground looking for, what to him is, food.

I have been drinking decaf for a while now and I am slowly winding down. After I am done writing this I will watch some TV and then head off to bed. As soon as I start yawning I know I am getting close to calling it a day. I am craving a huge cold vanilla shake, but do you think I can find one of those around here? The cola light is all gone, so I think I will drink a huge glass of cold milk.

You have yourself a great day and a dog with discriminating tastes.

Ciao…

Read Full Post »

Another lovely Tuesday.

Make that the Tuesday on which I will set straight all the things that I thought were straightened out last week and I will not bore you with any of the details. Besides, that would be very frustrating to me and that’s the last thing I want to feel right now. If everyone did their job with as much consciousness as I do mine, we would be miles ahead of ourselves. That’s all I’ll say about it.

I’ve been up for hours and that seems to be the schedule I am on now, to bed early and up early and no one seems to mind, not even the Uberhund who loyally follows me to the bedroom early in the evening and plops down on his pillow for a nice long sleep.

I am so busy keeping track of the details of everything, that when I am not actually doing anything, I have the nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I am forgetting something or that I am overlooking an important fact, but I do write everything down, so I should be on top of things and not have anything escape my attention.

I am very conscientious. I have an extreme sense of responsibility. I think I must at all times hold up my end of the bargain. I seems that other people are more careless about these things and worry less about when and where and how it will all turn out in the end. I must depend on their goodwill and efficiency, but I sure as hell don’t let my guard down.

I am going to make a collage booklet at my creative therapy class. The idea is slowly evolving with the help of another very creative woman there. I mean she is creative, whether or not I am is yet to be seen. I am cutting bits of text out of magazines and am sorting them into the far past, the middle past and the now and the future. It will involve ink and watercolors and special washes applied to the paper and god only knows what else. I am not that informed about all the special techniques, but I will know more when I am done, I am sure. It is good to finally find some purpose in that class besides making ugly clay heads and it makes me look forward to going there instead of dreading it.

I was supposed to have vacuumed yesterday afternoon, but nothing came of it, as my aunt Elizabeth called me and we talked for about an hour. We always seem to have much to chat about and find it hard to put down the phone. She has a skin disease that is causing her quite a bit of discomfort and it is a chronic condition, that luckily no one else in the family has. She is trying both regular and herbal medication and hoping to find one that works the best.

My financial situation is not settled yet and I am still waiting to hear about my rent and health insurance subsidies. The bureaucratic gears move slowly when you are waiting for news and are watching your bank balance. I am sure all will work out in the end, as I am an honest and respectable citizen, but sometimes you assume the worst and think you will be that person who will slip through the holes in the safety net.

Apparently, Social Services sees me as a person with special needs and will treat me as such, which is kind of them, although lately I have not felt like a person with special needs at all. That’s how normal I feel. It does mean that they will give me extra leeway in making demands on me and give me extra opportunities to get forward in life. I think that will be wonderful and I think it is great that I have people watching out for me like that.

This morning I am seeing my SPN. I think we will have a short meeting, as there is not much to discuss, but I tell you, she does feel like my safety rope. I always have it in the back of my mind that I get to see her and talk to her, so that if anything were to go wrong during the week, I can at least see her and talk to her to get that feeling of security and steadfastness. It would be scarier if she weren’t there and I only had my psychiatrist to fall back on, who doesn’t have the least bit of common sense.

Well, that’s all I’ve got for now. I’ve got to hit the shower and get the show on the road. The Uberhund is gently snoring by my feet, but we must get going.

Have a great day.

Ciao…

Read Full Post »

A long day.

It seems like this has been a long day and now I am trying to recall what I’ve done with it and not a hell of a lot pops up. I think I may have wasted a lot of it, but that can’t be right! I distinctly remember doing useful things. I remember the alarm clock going off and me swearing at it and then getting up to look for it, although this time it wasn’t hard to find, it was sitting on the coffee table. I also remember that the day before, I had fallen asleep on the sofa and when the phone rang, I thought it was the alarm clock going off and I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t make it stop ringing when I repeatedly hit it on that button.

Anyway, I slowly figured out who I was over a mug of coffee in the company of my trusty Uberhund and little by little we became functioning beings. I wanted to say, human beings, but then I realized that the Uberhund is not human, although I do equate him with one, him being my companion and everything. He is my best pal, after all, and he hangs out with me all over the place, we even go to the bathroom together. We have no shame.

So, around 7 AM I was ready to go for our morning walk and breathe in the fresh morning air that has not yet been polluted by all the traffic on the highway that is not too far from us. The birds chirped and the wind blew lightly and the temperature was pleasant and we made our usual round. We made our regular turd stops and our beneath the tree foraging stops. The Uberhund tries to kill himself every once in a while by walking onto the bike path, but I usually pull him back on time.

This morning he found a gigantic bone that looked like it came from a ritual slaughter. Once he had that in his mouth he had only one objective, to get home with it as quickly as possible and nothing could deter him. He did not dawdle, he took the shortest way possible.

Once he was home, he walked around the apartment looking furtively for a safe place to chew the bone and he had a bit of a desperate look in his eyes, as if there was no place really good enough. I finally placed his pillow in the corner by the sofa and he grudgingly accepted that as being an okay place to chew on his bone.

He has spent the rest of this day chewing on it, taking little times out to go for walks and eat and drink some water. Oh yes, and rest a little bit too. It’s a lot of work chewing on a bone and guarding it from the minion cats.

The Exfactor has gotten himself a magnificent house through he Anti Squatters Movement. It is a freestanding two story house with an attic and a basement, with a washer and dryer, a microwave and stove and oven and a refrigerator and a freezer. It has a wonderful garden with a gazebo and it is in a very nice neighborhood in Valkenburg, which is a tourist town a few kilometers from here. He is thrilled to bits and we all are very happy for him. It really is a nice house.

It’s partly furnished, so he doesn’t have to worry about having to go out and buy all sorts of furniture. He has asked for our double bed and I agreed he should have it if he would get me a single bed in return, so today I went to the second hand goods store and bought a used bed and bottom and mattress for a very reasonable price in good condition. It will be delivered some time next week, when the Exfactor hopes to move his things out.

Isn’t it amazing how good luck is always on our path? It could have taken a lot longer for him to find a decent place to live and it turned out so well. The rent is incredibly cheap and all inclusive which means he’ll be able to help me buy that sofa I so desperately want and write off the money as an expense for redecorating. It does mean that he’ll have to pay me more alimony, which makes no difference to me, because social services will just lower my welfare payment. I don’t get ahead one way or the other. I’ll just be less of a burden on the system, which is good, I guess.

Anyway, I went to the grocery store this morning and managed to stay within the budget. That’s good. It is always a pleasure to stick to the budget and not be tempted by all the nice items that are on sale and that all want to go home with me. I have an iron will and a shopping list and I don’t deviate.

The Exfactor came by at noon to fix my bike, because the pedal sometimes doesn’t want to pedal and just goers round without doing anything. As it is, he was so busy with this unexpected house, that he did not have time to look at my bike and I can’t blame him. There are dozens of things to take care of.

In the meantime, back at the farm, I got sick of listening to one MP3 player and switched to another. I am hoping to find some relief of this music I have been listening to too much, day and night, endlessly. I think maybe I need to turn on Deezer radio for a while. Yeah, that’s the ticket. Annie di Franco.

I am paranoid about having the computer on too much because of the energy it uses and I have lowered my monthly energy estimate now that I am living on my own. I am very frugal with the lights etc. I almost need a seeing eye dog.

I find the evenings the most boring. There doesn’t seem to be that much to do and I really have to find something to entertain myself. The kitchen cupboards are clean. Next I should clean out the big closet where the water heater is and where we have a shelf system that holds odds and ends, a lot of odds that probably can get tossed. I always feel like eating something good. Like shortbread cookies. Yum!

Tonight I am going to make it a point again to watch the eight o’clock news. I did it last night, but I hardly remember what it was all about. I have to get in the habit of retaining what I see and hear. It could be useful some day.

Well, that was it for me for today. It wasn’t hugely exciting, but there was enough there not to make it completely dull.

You all have yourself a great day or evening, whichever you are in the middle of.

Ciao…

Read Full Post »

50% of 50% off.

I wanted to go to the second hand goods store yesterday afternoon and there is one in the little shopping street close to us where I had never been, so it was time to check out the place. I was full of expectation, as I usually like to browse in places like that, but this one was a big disappointment. Upon entering I was greeted by a large group of people who were all congenially sitting around a big table in the middle of the store, drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes. What was left over of the asisle to walk in, was taken over by a very large dog that had to be stepped over. I could see at a glance that they did not have any of the things I was looking for, because what I saw were racks and racks of clothing and one tiny shelf of dishes.

I wanted to replace some of the items that the Exfactor had boxed up to take with him, but I could see that I wasn’t going to be able to do it there. So I walked out and moved a few doors down to the houdhold goods store where I happened upon a gigantic moving sale. It was chaos in there and people were moving about with loaded up baskets, pulling at piled up items not to miss anything that was really marked down a lot. The term looting came to mind and I joined in and had a very good time. It was so much fun to see what I absolutely could not live without that was narked at 50% of 50% off.

In the end, I bought 4 senseo cups in a bright blue color, 4 drinks glasses, a new wallet with lots of space, a corkscrew, office supplies, and a bright blue basket to keep them in, all for under 5 Euros. I felt very righteous and satisfied after that, because in my mind it had added up to more, so when she said it was a total of 4.48 I was quite surprised. I love it when I get loot cheaply.

This morning I had the brilliant idea to loot the piggy bank, which actually is a doggy bank, but you put your change in it anyway. I took out all the 20 and 50 cent pieces and that added up to a grand total of 12 euros and 60 cents. I thought that was just good enough to go over to M&S Fasions and browse in their sales racks, where they practically give the stuff away.

So, on my bike I hopped, with a wallet full of coins and into the brazing westerly wind I rode on my trusty steed. I climbed the long bridge across the Meuse and didn’t swear once. I’m getting better at it all the time and that is on a bike without gears. I am developing lung capacity and muscles in my legs.

Once in town, I illegally parked my bike where everyone else does too and walked to the shop with much anticipation and once I was inside i had a god look around at the possibilities. I ended up buying three tops that had been marked down twice already, but that were still attractive and would look good on me. I could see that. So I got those and the lady at the cash register was very happy with all of my change and she meant it genuinely, because they are always short of it.

Feeling smug and satisfied, i then walked to the Hema and bought a necklace to go with the new purchases and a candy bar, because I craved one. Then I visited my sister at her work and saw her work her magic charm on the customers while she didn’t know I was there. I love taking a peek.

I keep all my necklaces in a drawer at home, but it does mean that after a while they become entangled and today I had a heck of a time disentangling them, so I had an idea. I have a kiddie coat rack next to my bedroom door in the hall with a little shelf on top. I took all the odds and ends of that coatrack and hung all my necklaces on the knobs. On the shelf, I put some little meaningful mementos and now it is a whole cute corner by itself and my necklaces are not tangled up and easy to see. Ta da! I am turning this into a female place yet. Gone are all the nuts and bolts and spare parts to obscure machinery. Things I didn’t know what to do with, but that kept laying there forever.

Once the Exfactor’s bookcase and chair are gone out of the hallway, I may even be able to park the new bike there that he has been promising me through the bike plan at his work. I hope I still qualify as an ex. It would be an expensive bike with 3 gears that I would not want to be left outside overnight, even when locked up.

I walked by a Belgian waffle place in town and the smell nearly did me in. I had visions of hot waffles with freshly whipped cream and strawberries on top. Mmm…That candy bar was the second best thing. It was a Bros, I don’t know if any of you are familiar with those. It is chocolate wit tiny air bubbles in it.

Well, I am going to change the sheets on my bed and go with the floral scene this time, something romantic and reminiscent of the olden days when all ladies sept between floral sheets. Actually, I need the sheets to fill up the washing machine and I do like clean sheets on the bed.

It’s been nice chatting at you. I think I will mostly be lazy today and do odds and ends as they occur to me. Can’t spend any more money! Will have to think of some other decorative ideas to brighten the places up and me. I am sure I’ll think of something.

Have a great day,

Ciao…

Read Full Post »

Just about!

I think I’ve got just about every document I need for my meeting with the man from social services tomorrow after noon, If i don’t have it, it is not for lack of trying. I have been running ragged collecting them all and making copies of them and just as I was doing that at my sister’s house yesterday, the ink ran out, so I had to abort that mission and go to the grocery store this morning to continue that. I had 11 pages left to copy and dreaded having to do it there, because I visioned badly run machines that would eat all my nickels and dimes, but nothing could have been further form the truth and all went smoothly.

I returned the items that I did not want for the dog and that was no problem and got him some new snacks instead that he likes very much. I even bought tobacco and have 11, 20 Euros left until Friday, which I think is pretty good, considering I don’t need anything else before that time.

I have decided to cut down on the coffee, I will no longer drink those huge two pad mugs of coffee anymore now, but I will drink the more demure one pad smaller mugs of coffee. I realized I was going through the pads at an alarming rate and I thought that was totally unnecessary, so I cut that down right away. Having never done any serious grocery shopping, I am finding out about al these things now and I can be a real cheapskate. It’s a challenge to spend the least amount of money and make the food last.

Out of the blue, I took a nap on the sofa this afternoon and was only awakened because the dog was barking very loudly. It turned out the girl next door was at the front door and had rung the doorbell but I had slept through that. I’m getting old, people. I woke up from the alarm clock this morning and had my leisurely hour drinking my coffee and petting the Uberhund. He is such a darling early in the morning and literally needs the sleep rubbed out of his eyes. Why have a grumpy man when you can have a sleepy huggable dog?

I hope I am never silly enough again to have the great misfortune to fall in love. I hope I am spared such a disaster. It would be such a worse state of affairs than the one I am finding myself in now. I suppose you have to be in the “falling in love sort of mood” and as long as I am not maybe it will never happen to me. I hope to God that I have learned enough from my “love” predicaments not to start down that road ever again. What I called love anyway, it may not have been the real thing at all, of course, but I am not going to bother to find out and put my feelings at risk and do any kind of experimenting. I thought I came pretty close with the Exfactor and if that is as close as I can get, I don’t want to find out how much closer I can get. Strike that one up for a pretty good experiment.

It turns out that the Paramount has more than one good male friend that she spends quality time with and the Exfactor claims that he is not jealous. He is all for given each other the space and freedom they deserve. He has a bigger heart than I have and doesn’t mind going where other men have also recently been. It is really an amazing thing, because the Paramount is not what we call mother’s prettiest. I wonder what the appeal is?

The Uberhund has found the one sunny spot in the living room and is curled up there now. It must feel good to him, to bathe in the sunlight like that. There is no sign of the cats. They have been hanging out outside a lot lately, no doubt because the weather has been so good. All is well, as long as they don’t make pests of themselves with the neighbors. Sometimes, one of them will take his life into his own paws and sleep on the new chair during the night, but as soon as I show up in the morning, they don’t know how fast to get out of it and make a beeline for the back door lest they get sprayed with the water bottle. I am mean like that.

Well, that’s all I ‘ve got. Tomorrow morning I’m seeing my SPN and in the afternoon I am seeing the man from Social Services who is going to make a determination about my benefits. So, you all keep your fingers crossed and hope for a good ending. I am a bit nervous, although i should not be, as I am an honest citizen.

Ciao…

Read Full Post »

Desperately drooling!

I am desperately drooling over a 2,5 seater leather sofa at Ikea and I am trying to put all sorts of wily schemes together to get my hands on one. It isn’t very expensive and oh so practical with the animals, because now I am constantly vacuuming cat and dog hair off the sofa and wiping off cat barf. I need 400 Euros and somehow there has to be away that I can manage to get this money together, said the eternal optimist. It is a big wish and I will make it come true, come hell or high water. You’ll see.

Today the Exfactor is coming by at 1 PM to give me the papers that I need on Tuesday. Maybe he will stay for a cup of coffee, which I won’t mind at all. I have been able to handle small amounts of him as long as it is under my conditions. And since I rule here…you get the picture.

Sleeping is still going extremely well. I do get up in the middle of the night thinking I am awake and need to do things, but it is all a delusion and within the shortest amount of time I am asleep again. The Unberhund is sleeping later also, so we are in tune with each other. We go for our morning walk when we are good and ready and that may take some time, as I do need my mugs of coffee to become fully functioning. The Uberhund very patiently waits by me feet where I can scratch his ears. He makes sure he is not getting the short end of the stick anytime. He allows no cat to come near me, not even his favorite one and if one comes close by, he hunkers up against me as close as he can, not leaving any room for a cat to get in.

The Netherlands lost to the Russians 1-3. What a blamage. I only watched some of the game, because I kept falling asleep on the sofa, but I woke up with each over excited noise when another goal was made. The whole neighborhood was roaring with grief. I guess that Dutch coach really taught the Russians how to play football. I don’t know what this means for our overall standings, I will try to find out today. I went to bed directly after the game and didn’t stay up to listen to the analysis. Oh, well…

The weather is very odd. It is overcast, but warm and I am not sure if it is going to rain, because i missed watching the news yesterday. I am so out of date as to what is going on in the world. I only know what is happening right here right now. It keeps me occupied enough.

Will somebody ask Kacey to get in touch with me, because I can’t get onto her blog. Blogger has assigned me a different email address. The same goes for Frances, but I know how to get in touch with her.

I very merrily washed my tiny amount of dishes this morning. I was done in a few minutes. I have to look for laundry to fill up the washing machine, as I don’t want to run it half full, but sometimes I have to out of necessity. That old washing machine is still hanging in there. If it ever gives up, I’ll go to the recycle store and buy a new second hand one. Luckily, the refrigerator is fairly new, so it ought to last a while and so is the TV, which I watch so rarely. The computer is the thing that needs to keep hanging in there. The new Internet banking account comes with a savings account and I will seriously try to make use of it and save some money every month.

Well, that’s all I’ve got to report for today. Don’t you just love these short little posts? They’re so uncomplicated. Since it is Sunday, not a heck of a lot is happening, but that is fine with me. A quiet dull roar is just fine every now end then.

Have a darn good day, even though it’s the last day of the weekend. Oh, remember the stress i used to have? Not anymore, thank you ma’am.

Ciao…

Read Full Post »

Lazy Sunday.

I am just puttering around and Jesker follows me wherever I go and helps me putter. Well, actually he doesn’t do much, but look on with a great deal of interest and a wagging tail, but I suppose that is his way of helping. I sit down and contemplate my surroundings and then think of another little job I can do and off I go and take care of it. It is a very enjoyable way to spend a lazy Sunday. I have filled one large trash bag with miscellaneous junk that should have been tossed out a long time ago, but was waiting for an executive decision to be made on it. Since I am the executive now…

God, I love a good toss out. I love to undo myself of superfluous items. I don’t think I have many sentimental bones in my body. If I do hang onto something, it usually something very dear to me that has to do with the children, a picture or a personal note, but I don’t go much beyond that. I figure, when I am gone, somebody has to clean up all that mess and make a decision as to what to do with it, so I try to make it as uncomplicated as possible. I’ll be having more of a toss out later this week when I go through the dresser drawers on more time. Elimination is the game.

My sister came by at noon and admired the new chair and then we took the dogs for a walk, all the while speaking of our future as liberated females. My sister is also having little tastes of it already and has gotten quite the right mind set now. She sees how well I am doing and it gives her courage. In her mind she has divorced herself from her husband already, now she has to make the actual step, which is coming up three days after we have our appointment. Hush, hush, it is a secret!

It is nice to have to change the sheets on only one side of the bed and only one duvet cover, You do get quickly done and not as much of a backache and you get to pick your own theme. I went with the yellow stripes today, very bright and cheerful. When I wake up in the morning, I can’t believe it is just me in the bed and that I am not looking at the hulk of my husband breathing in my space and taking up all that room. It is a much more cheerful way of waking up. It is like being out of prison.

Jesker and I have such a nice morning ritual, we have our whole little routine before we go for our walk and while I drink my first cup of coffee, Jesker lies in front of me, trying to be alert, but almost falling asleep again. Then I say, “Alright old boy, off we go,”and he clambers to all his four legs and scrambles to the hallway. The linoleum is slippery, so he always has to take care that he doesn’t slip and slide around the corner in his enthusiasm. He very nicely sits while I put on his leash and then we both impatiently walk to the front door and can’t wait to be out there in the fresh air. It’s the best time of the day.

Going for four walks with him has been nice. I don’t mind doing it at all as it breaks the day into four handy compartments. They are the times when I take my medications too, so it works out perfectly. I told you that I quit the Temazepam during the night? Well I also stopped taking it during the day and I now only take a low dose of Oxazepam. I don’t quite want to quit that yet, I want to wait for things to really settle down to a very dull roar. I still have the stress of having to deal with Eduard on a regular basis, until the divorce is really final and all the administrative work has been sorted out. I need to keep having this sense of calm and although I think I have it mostly from myself, I need the supposed help from the tranquilizers.

The water spray bottle is working really well to keep the cats off the chair most of the time. They do forget and I sneak up on them silently and spray them and they jump of the chair quite perturbed that I would do such a thing to them. I’m such a mean mom! Toby hasn’t sat on it once, it is Nouri and Gandhi who keep trying it. Toby must have figured out that it is a no go area. He is the smarter cat and prefers the kitchen counter where he lies in the sunshine and he is always close to the faucet being turned on.

I have five trash bags to haul to the curb tonight, each trash bag costs a euro. That’s one way to pay for the pick up, beside paying the regular city taxes. Which I will be excused from with my future low income. There are benefits to being poor. My rent will also be subsidized and my library fees will be free. I think I am even allowed a free newspaper and Internet, but I’m not sure, I have to find out about that. I don’t want the paper, because of the waste, but the gesture is nice. I will lose my housewife allowance, I am sure of that, because I will no longer be married. That will be a real bummer, because it is a nice amount of money and I hope I am mistaken.

All these details will sort themselves out over time and all will be clear. The thing is that I will somehow make ends meet and live on bread and water if I have to. I will have some sort of budget to stick to.

Well, now is the time to shut the computer off and hang up the laundry to dry. I am sure Jesker will come help me do that too. He is such a good little helper.

Have a good rest of the day. Hope Sunday treats you well. It’s good to have a lazy day also every once in a while.

Ciao…

Read Full Post »

Sparrow in Snow images number 1.

Since Eduard had to work last night, I decided to make an early night of it and went to bed at 7:30 pm. I took my sleeping pills and 50 mg of Oxazepam, because I was determined to have a normal night’s sleep. Well, it worked, I didn’t wake up until 4:30 this morning and I feel very refreshed. I should be, after sleeping nine hours! That’s a long time for me, so taking both those pills worked. I won’t do this every night, but I thought I had some catching up to do, so therefor my daring deed in taking them both. The Temazepam puts you to sleep and the Oxazepam keeps you asleep.

We got an enormous surprise yesterday and came by some money that we weren’t expecting and it couldn’t have come at a better time. We can pay off some bills and buy a new computer desk that is badly needed, as the one that we have is a tiny insufficient badly built one. It’s so nice to get good mail for a change, instead of only bills. Yippee!

Jesker got cut and bathed yesterday and he sure smells very good now. His hair is cut very short as he had all sorts of tangles in his hair that couldn’t be brushed out, we tried. His ears have been shaved as they were a mess. He looks quite funny now and it will take some time before he looks like a cocker spaniel again, but at least he is clean and good smelling.

It’s a shame that he doesn’t like to be groomed by me, he will tolerate it from Eduard, but he doesn’t like me to do it. I am only allowed to brush him a little bit, as soon as I want him to turn over to do the hair on his belly, he gets very grumpy and refuses to cooperate. He needs to go in and have his hair cut very 3 months, we just can’t wait any longer than that. It had been 6 months since he had been in.

Eduard wanted to know yesterday morning, why I was so cheerful and kind in the mornings and why I was so negative and grumpy in the afternoons. This came as bit of a surprise to me, as I had not been aware of it. It gave me some food for thought and I discussed it with my SPN when I saw her in the morning. We didn’t really come up with a solution, but will discuss it again next week when Eduard will be there also.

It is true that I am very much a morning person and that the morning is my favorite time of the day. I just had not realized that I was so different in the afternoons. I have no awareness that I feel worse then, I think I feel the same all day long, but maybe I am mistaken and I may have to have a closer look at my moods during the day. When I was having my violent mood swings, they did happen in the afternoon, so maybe I am having changes in my moods now that are more subtle and that I don’t notice myself.

Ah, the mysteries of the human mind…so intricate and unpredictable. It seems that I am a harder person to live with than I think I am.

Using the Pledge on the tables has made them easy to keep clean. I applied one coat and will apply another coat today. It makes the tables easier to wipe clean and it gives them a bit of a shine and makes them water repellent. That goes for the painted table as well as for the stained table. I really like keeping the living room cleaned up now as it is starting to look so nice now.

Today, Eduard and I will paint the chest of drawers. It should really make a difference in how this place looks. I can’t wait to get it done. He has been looking at louvered doors for the cabinet, but has not found any in the right size yet, so we may have to come up with a different solution for them.

I have to remember to buy plant food for the plants in the living room and mix some in the watering can every time I water them. I am determined that these plants will not only last, but flourish too. I have taken one shoot off the piggy back plant and placed it in a glass of water and it should start to form roots in a few weeks, when I will plant it and start a new plant. I used to have a spider plant that I multiplied this way. It was fairly easy to do. I must remember to buy a small bag of potting soil too. Maybe I ‘m a green thumb woman after all.

Well, that’s all I’ve got for today. I will tell you all about our painting adventure tomorrow. How we didn’t argue about the paint and how we didn’t come to blows about doing it right.

Have a great day. Ciao…

P.S. I did weigh myself this morning, but since I had a bit of an eating party last night, with yogurt and cheese and eggs, I won’t tell you what I weighed this morning. It is best ignored until another day. Sometimes…!

Read Full Post »

Painted Hummingbird Images number 7.

Yesterday morning I didn’t wake up until 6 am, so I didn’t even bother turning on the computer, but just sat on the sofa and had my coffee and cigarettes, thinking it was too late to start writing a post anyway. It feels very liberating not to feel like I have to write one every day. It also feels very liberating to feel that I don’t have to turn the computer on every day.

In the end, the only reason I did turn it on, was later in the day to listen to some CD’s, because our CD player is not working, so I had to use the computer to listen to some music. They were CD’s that my daughter had given me last year and that I had not listened to in a long time. Glen Gould playing Bach, the Goldberg Variations, and Ella Fitzgerald singing all sorts of jazzy songs. Oh yes, and Paris Combo, singing in French, quite upbeat and happy. I always like the CD’s my daughter gives me as they are always quite cheerful music and not at all laden with all sorts of heavy emotions.

The last two days I have been quite active. On Wednesday I sold two gold rings for the value of the gold and with the money I got from them, I bought a new ring made from burnished precious steel, silver and gold colored, with a single zircon set in it. It is a quite attractive ring and looks like it is made of gold. It looks more expensive than it actually was, the band is quite wide and I am very happy with it.

I also sold some books at the second hand bookstore and with the money I got from them, I bought a new top and some new earrings and a necklace. When I got to the clothing store, they handed me a ticket with three stickers on them for 30, 20 and 10 percent off, that I could place on any price tags I wanted to. So the decision was easily made and I got quite a good deal on the items I bought. It was just my lucky day.

After that, I had capuchinos at Eduard’s work, even though Eduard didn’t have time to really sit and visit with me, but there were other people there to talk to and I didn’t stay long, lest they think I have become a fixture there.

Yesterday morning, I decided that what I needed was some nail polish to paint my nails with and I went to to the drugstore to get some. I bought what I thought was the right color, but when I came home and applied it to my nails, I realized that I didn’t quite like it as much as I was hoping to. Oh well, I thought, next time better, and proceeded to do jobs around the apartment, but later on I thought that I was not happy with the color and I took the bottle back to the store and exchanged it for a color I liked better. That was no problem, because I still had the receipt, of course, and I like the new color ever so much better.

Nowadays, nail polish dries quickly and you don’t have to sit around forever waiting for it to dry. I do realize that I have to let my nails grow a little bit longer to do justice to the nail polish. I usually keep them cut short, but now I will let them grow a little longer. It is so much fun to be a female and to get to fuss with yourself this way. It is like getting up in the morning and putting on your face. It is fun to apply all the various bits of make up and watch yourself transform. And then you do the hair thing and everything is perfect and you smile at yourself and all is well with the world.

Yesterday I looked for jobs to do around the place. There were all sorts of little cleaning jobs I could do. Things I had been neglecting and finally got around to doing. It was a lot of fun. I’ve got a really good cleaning product, that Eduard bought, that you spray on any surface and it gets magically clean, so that helps a lot. The computer desk is always a great gatherer of dust and dirt and you should see how clean I got it. It is white, so it really shows.

Needless to say, I am rating myself with an eight now and I suppose I don’t mind that too much, as long as I don’t get frantic, which is not the case now. I feel very happy and active and I very much feel like doing lots of positive things. As long as I don’t move up to a nine, I will be fine. I liked being a six, because I was so nice and mellow, but now that I am an eight, I like that too.

Eduard has put Christmas lights around the headboard of our bed. It looks very bright and cheerful and especially nice when all the other lights are off in the bedroom. We did have candles on our nightstands, but they were a little bit too dim to see by. The Christmas lights are much better. Isn’t he romantic? I wish for all of you to have such a romantic partner.

Last night we were talking about our time together when we first met again. Those first romantic days and Eduard wanted to know when I first knew that I thought he was going to be more than just a friend to me. I told him of the moment when I first got the idea that I was going to seduce him. It was when I was in Paris and talked to him on the phone and he asked me to come and stay with him in Annecy. There was just the tiniest idea of the possibility in my head then, although I wasn’t quite sure yet. But I thought the chance was there definitely. Eduard and I had such a history together. When we saw each other again, it was like old times and we just picked up where we left off and hit it off immediately. So, we both got the idea to seduce each other simultaneously. Some bottles of wine helped too.

Eduard became the love of my life.

His sister, who later became my best friend, was staying at a campsite at walking distance from his house and the next day, when we walked to her caravan, we were all innocent looking as if nothing had happened, although the air must have sizzled between us. She claimed later on not to have noticed anything, but I wonder if she didn’t? Were we that good at hiding something that obvious? We had a terrific couple of days. We ate good food and saw lots of good sights and spoke a mixture of French and Dutch and English.

Speaking of languages, I was listening to A Belgian French language radio station yesterday. They spoke very rapidly and I hardly understood anything they were saying. It went something like this: “Blah blah blah, Robbie Williams, blah blah blah, James Blunt, blah blah blah.” Then they would announce the title of the next song, “blah blah, You Are Always On My Mind, blah blah,” and play a song either in English or in French.

I like listening to foreign radio stations, as I like to pretend that I am in a foreign country. I don’t mind if I don’t understand most of it. We also receive a British radio station very well, bu
t they play pretty lame music from the seventies and do a lot of talking and there is a lot of hype, so I don’t enjoy listening to it. Which is really a shame, because it would be interesting to listen to a British radio station. Then there is Arrow Jazz FM, but their Jazz is very easy listening and very uncomplicated, so it poses no challenge at all and becomes boring after about three songs. I wish there was a radio station that played nothing but Baroque. I would listen to that all day long. There is a classical radio station, but they also play heavy emotional classical music for which I am not in the mood. I love the mathematical rationality of Baroque. To me it just sounds like good Jazz. There is rationality in good Jazz.

This morning my gastric band is going to be filled again. If I am not mistaken, I think this may be one of the last times, if not the last time. My weight has be slowly going down this week by ounces. At least it is going down. I have been living on wheat rolls with peanut butter and Cup of Soups. After today, I will only be able to eat half a wheat roll at one time. I hope I will still be able to have a whole Cup of Soup.

The wheat roll with peanut butter is a real treat and something I really look forward to eating. It is such a joy to bite into and taste the peanut butter. I know it is a nutritious food and that it is good for you. I am still taking vitamin B complex, Vitamin A & D and a multi vitamin. I think I am pretty healthy. My hair and nails are strong and my skin is soft and healthy looking. I use a Vitamin C moisturizer on my face and it really makes my skin feel soft there. I am using a really good face wash to get my make up off. You do these things when you get older. It’s all maintenance.

On an other subject. I have bought the cats Whiskas kibbles and they like it so much that they don’t ask for their other food. I must say that these kibbles look appetizing. They look like a cocktail snack and I am tempted to take a hand full. I am constantly filling up the bowl and they are constantly eating. We figured out that it is cheaper to feed them the more expensive Whiskas than to feed them the other kibbles that are cheaper and the wet food. We were spending 42 Euros a month on the wet food. That’s way too much money. We were also spending 30 Euros a month on buying the special cheese for me, so it is a good thing that I have stopped eating that. These are all sorts of expenses that you make that you don’t stop and think about, but they add up. We were spending 21 Euros a month on raisin bread and 9 Euros a month on little containers of potato salad. Eduard spends 45 Euros a month on wine. You see how you can cut your expenses down all across the board.

So, we save a 133 Euros if we don’t buy any of those things. Of course we spend a little of it buying other things such as Whiskas instead of the other cheaper kibbles and buying Cup of Soup, but it is a real lesson in economy and I think a jar of peanut butter doesn’t set you back that far financially.

Well, don’t I have much to tell you this morning. I am sitting here having one cup of coffee after another, typing with my nicely painted finger nails that look like little hard candies and make me want to eat them. I am so ready to have my gastric band filled, because I really want to shed those last ten kilos, at least the first five of them and I think I can do that in the coming month. I am at 90.7 kilos now and before December the 10th I would like to be at 85 kilos. You guys should all dare me to and I will accept the challenge.

I am going to end this epistle now and visit some blogs or read the BBC news, whichever comes first. I have a feeling I am not informed enough about what goes on in the world, although I watch the news religiously. I see the French president Sarkozy is being good buddies with Bush and I don’t like it at all. Something is rotten in Denmark.

Have a great day, everybody. May all your politics be dull and may the Belgians finally form a government. Ciao…

Read Full Post »