Twitter.

On a whim I’ve signed up with Twitter, because I read about someone else doing it. The problem is that I don’t personally know of anyone else who is signed up also, so it is kind of lonely out there. If you want to sign up and you are looking for me, my user name is ‘brightandsunny’. You know how impulsive I get and how I always want to try something new and hope that I will get some sort of thrill out of it. You didn’t know that about me maybe? That I am secretly a thrill seeker? In the very small sense of the word, of course. i only do it if the outcome is safe. That’s something I have learned as i’ve gotten older, to not take the really big risks.

Something is going on with my mood and it has been happening since Wednesday morning. I feel a decided slant of disagreeability sneaking in. I feel like arguing and there is an amount of negativity in there also. I am not so thrilled anymore with things and maybe that is why I joined Twitter, but who knows? I am negative about things that I was positive about before and doubtful about things I was sure of before and the thing is, that I know that I am not having a change of mind, but a change of mood and I have to be careful not to confuse the two and I have to not make any important decisions when my mood is negative like this, that’s the main thing to remember.

I think I am getting a bit dysphoric, meaning: a state of dissatisfaction, anxiety, restlessness, or fidgeting.

You will remember that I have had these sort of moods in the past, though I must emphasize that the restlessnes and fidgeting play no role here at all and the anxiety is at a minimum. I am just disagreeable to the point of being rude. I feel like being rude and disagreeable and not giving a damn.  Like that is perfectly okay. Can you think of a better place to exhibit such behavior than on the Internet? Instantaneous gratification.

I have not heard anything from my daughetr yet, but assume that all is well. She had told me that if possible, she would get hold of her father, who lives in Oregon, but it turns out that I don’t have the correct phone numbers for him. So I am going to call her again later today, although I have not much hope of getting hold of her. I wil watch the live broadcast again later this afternoon, even though it is pretty meaningless and doesn’t help me a lot personally. It does give me a general idea of how things are there.

The sun is shining today, but it is very deceptive, because it is cold outside and fall has really begun now. I were a sweater under my jeans jacket and I am postponing wearing my wintercoat, which is not much thicker. I may have to invest in a warmer winter coat with good pockets for all the stuff I always carry with me. House and bike keys, kleenexes, poop baggies, odd change, mobile phone, my wallet if it will fit. I’d like to go through life without a purse, if at all possible, but sometimes I don’t manage that. My purse always slides off my shoulder and I feel like such an old lady clutching it in my hands.

There must have been some mix up somewhere and I got an invitation from the center for work and income to apply for a job as hostess at a healthclub answering phones, receiving customers, serving drinks, and answering questions about memberships. I am sure they were thinking of the wrong person and, besides, I am not to apply for any kind of job until January, when I enter into some sort of program to get back into the labor force after having been out of it for a very long time and also with special aid as a psychiatric patient entering the labor force again. I emailed back stating as much and have not heard anything since then.

When In Babylon, do not act like the Babylonians and do confusing and irrational things.

My dear and most true Überhund is bored and he translates this into meaning that he must want to go out, although it is not time to, but to make his life bearable, I will now take him for a short spin around the block, so I will see you in a while.

Well, it turned into a long spin around the blog and I am always secretly proud that the Überhund stays on the narrow sidewalk by the busy street and never wanders into the traffic, even though I don’t shorten his leash. He does know where the sidewalk ends. Also, some gentle tugs and one command from me get him going in the right direction, so he is full of goodwill. I think that tug of war that we had at the beginning, when the Exfactor had just moved out, was won by me.

I am now using the Google reader again to stay updated on the latest blogs, after I had developed a problem with it, which is now solved. It does save you a lot of senseless clicking around. I am going to add some new blogs to my blogroll, I will try and remember to do that after I have finished this. I find blogs of note does not always give you such very good blogs, but sometimes there is something there that is interesting.  I am still waiting to show up there myself one of these days. I am not humble, am I?

I have put a bandage around my arm where I had those two scabs that I kept bothering and even now it’s hard not to mess with them. I want to scratch them when I exchange the bandage, but the little wounds are healing. The Exfactor had an enormous scab on his knee that had to be dissolved with some special plaster, because there was an infection underneath it. I would have had a field day with that one. I don’t know how he could stand not picking it off.

Well, now I am going to try once again to figure out that famous widget of the Black Box that everyone is so lyrical about. I could not get it to work on  WordPress, but maybe there is a way I can do it after all. I am nothing else if not stubborn. WordPress does have it’s limitations, which makes me sometimes long for blogger and I have to give it a long hard think about what I want to do, maybe switch back again?  We”ll see.

Have yourself a good Sunday.

Ciao…

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Not a bloody thing…

I haven’t done a bloody thing all day, except for walk the Überhund numerous times at odd hours, sleep on the sofa several times, and get my hair cut in a really funky ‘boy do I look good’ style. Sometimes I sat on the sofa in an upright position with a cup of coffee and a cigarette and I would catch myself falling asleep with my head having fallen forward as if I was a rag doll that was falling apart.

Now, this is normal for me in the spring and in the fall, to go through these strange sleeping patterns. Last night I was up in the middle of the night, sitting behind the computer, doing things, and then I woke up with a sore head where it had been laying on the ridge of the keyboard. I do spooky things in the middle of the night again, but luckily, I had the good sense to go to bed and go back to sleep like a normal person and sleep until 7 AM. Still, that did not prevent me from feeling that I had to sleep some more during the day. I am like a cat, aren’t I?

I had a most wonderful time at the hairdresser, but I had already told you that I enjoy going there to watch the women get their hair done. I am always truly amazed at what a good hairdo will do for a woman, no matter how bad looking she is, but that may be the unflattering light around the mirrors that makes me say that. It does reflect you back in all your most basic glory. You need to squint when you look at yourself, or be extremely forgiving. Especially when you sit there with wet hair and a towel around your neck, you have a tendency not to look your best and you have to put on a brave smile and not be embarrassed in front of the rest of the customers. Even your well applied make up doesn’t look that good anymore.

Wel, you know, you grow up and you learn these things and you deal with them and you hope that when you are done you will have a brilliant haircut and that you will not have to sneak home to redo your hair quickly in the bathroom before anyone can see you and laugh at you. I happen to have a very good hairdresser who cuts my hair just the way I want it and we see eye to eye on what looks good. She never fails me. She is a treasure, but no matter what, newly cut hair is just that and you always want to fiddle with it to get it just right. I brushed mine two hours after I got home and then fixed it as close to how I wanted it as I could get it, but it won’t be perfect until tomorrow when I have slept on it one night. I don’t know why that is, it just is.

I talked to the Exfactor on the phone and told him that what I miss about not being married is the ability to tell each other the every day stories about the every day occurences involving the Überhund and the Minion cats. So very often I want to tell him something and then I don’t know if I should call him and share that particular story with him or not. It’s a little bit like having lost a very good friend. I suppose that we will work out some sort of working solution to this that will be non threatening and non invasive to the both of us. I don’t think either one of us has found another person to replace us with in that manner.

When I ask the Überhund if he wants to eat and I get out the bag of dog food, he walks away indignantly if he does not want to eat, so that message is very clear. There is no mistaking that. He stays away until he is sure that I’ve put the dog food away again. Since he is overweight, it is okay if he doesn’t want to eat twice a day, like he did yesterday. He had some little snacks today and a bowl of food and I guess that was enough.

I totally don’t recognize my sister in her new car. This afternoon she practically ran over me and honked her horn before I realized it was she. She is always coming and going and doesn’t have a peaceful bone in her body, she is so the opposite of me. She is very restless and always has to be doing things and have a full calender. I am more of the slow and contemplative kind. She is more of the fast and impulsive kind. She was 10 years old when I left home, so I have no idea why she turned out the way she did. I missed all that part of her growing up and didn’t come back to the Netherlands until she was 32 years old. I did see her in those years, of course, but I really got to know her once I was back here again. In some ways we are neurotically alike, in other ways we are very different. Of course, I am older and that makes a difference too.

I have official confirmation now that I am getting rent and healthcare subsidies. It came in the mail today and I am so relieved about that, because paying the full rent and the full health insurance fees has been expensive with the kind of money I have coming in. I will celebrate with a glass of wine once the money is in my bank account.

I have decided this afternoon to exchange the black cardigan for a smaller size. The one I had ordered was a little bit too big, I thought, I was not quite happy with it and arranged to have it picked up and have the other one delivered tomorrow. i think that is also the day that my ankle boots will be delivered so it will be a fun day all around. Oh, I do so love new items of clothing. I am a real woman, if there was any doubt about that. I may have been a tomboy when I was a kid, but somewhere in my thirties, my female genes kicked into action something fierce. I love and adore clothes, although I don’t spend a fortune on them, I am a frugal shopper. I like feminine things. I like necklaces and lacy bras and perfumes and pretty tunics and dresses. I love colors, besides basic black. Every once in a while I buy something that just doesn’t work out, but mostly I do a fair job. My mother would have been proud of me.

Well, now I am going to take this newly done haircut and the rest of me to the bedroom to get my pajamas on and then I am going to veg out in front of the silly box for some mindless TV watching. Soon enough, I’ll fall asleep and have to drag myself to my cozy bed. The Überhund has already gone there to lie on his pillow.

How wonderful that tomorrow the weekend starts. How sad that I will have to vacuum the whole apartment.

Ciao…

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Precious Sleep!

I spent a large part of the morning sleeping on the sofa with my clothes on, because I had every intention to be fully functional, but after every little job I did I was overcome by tiredness and I just had to go lie down and the minute I did, I was sound asleep and didn’t wake up until an hour later when I would do another little job and repeat the performance. Just now I was sitting behind the computer doing a repetitive job and I was nodding off again, until the Überhund came to warn me that it was time to go for a walk and that cleared the cob webs out of my head, leaving me dying for a cup of coffee and a cigarette and that’s what I am having now.

I wonder how much your desire to sleep, and not being abe to fullfill that desire, influences your mood? I bet it does a lot. I feel chemically imbalanced when I have a shortage of sleep, I literally feel that I am not functioning properly, as if i am a technical appliance that has lose wiring. That is even when I think I have slept enough, but for some reason my body wants more sleep than I am supplying it with.

I think it is the time of year. The changing of the weather and the light and the fluctuation of the season. The leaves are starting to change colors on some of the trees. It is a season of hesitation.

I had to interrupt this briefly, because the Überhund let me know he had to go out again and he was right, he did have to go out again, he had a big message to do, as we say here. Clever dog. I take him out whenever he becomes very insistent, because I know he means serious business then and the patio won’t do. I don’t mind, it is a nice little extra walk around the block for me and the Überhund knows he can rely on me to listen to him.

Oh lord, I am yawning something awful and I do have to last the rest of the evening. It’s not supposed to be bedtime yet. I am going to make it a point to stay up for the 8 o’clock news at least, I should be able to last that long. Maybe some food will wake me up. I try to think of very exciting things to eat, but at this stage of the ballgame there is not much exciting left. I did buy two cartons of very good juice and I have been enjoying drinking that cold from the refrigerator and it is ever so thirst quenching.

I try to make my eating life as interesting as I can, but sometimes it’s a puzzlement. I’m not supposed to eat foods high in calories, so i really shouldn’t eat those puddings I like so much and that go down so easy. Yogurt and curd are good, but I try not to buy them too often, because of the temptation factor of eating too much of them. Ice cold milk from the fridge is very good. I love to drink that. I haven’t had a piece of cheese in ages. I hardly know what an apple tastes like or a pear.

I just gave the Überhund his second bowl of food for the day and he ate it all. This is unheard of. He used to barely finish what I gave him before and only very reluctantly. Just now he barked for a while to make sure some cats showed up that would show some interest in his food. Then he chased them away by growling very hard at them and then he ate his food. He is nothing if not a clever dog.

I am wearing my size 44 tunic. This is the first sized 44 top that I have bought, I have bought sized 44 jeans, but this is the first top in this size that i have bought. This makes me very hopeful. Size 46 is now just a bit to big on me. The black cardigan came today and it is a size 46 and it is a little big, but that will be good for this winter when I will be layering it. I have to get used to seeing my contours and realize that’s not a bad thing. I see women that are really fat wearing tight fitting clothes that are very unflattering and I don’t want to look like that. I think you should always wear the clothes that most flatter your figure. And decorate, I’m a great believer in decorating.

Tomorrow I am getting my hair cut a little bit, nothing drastic, just to get it back in it’s most flattering shape again. It’s been 6 weeks since I last had it cut, so it is time. I have been wearing it wild and unruly, as if I have been in a bit of a storm and everybody likes it. Of course, it is carefully styled that way with the help of a good hairspray. I suppose it looks like bedroom hair, but you would not want to run your fingers through it, but then nobody is allowed to. I could poke somebody’s eye out.

The vet is either always flabbergasted or he is flabbergasted by me. He falls al over his own words when he speaks to me, but I have been unable to observe him with other people. We are theeing and thouing eachother, we are not on familiar terms. He doesn’t know my name, as the Überhund is signed up under the Exfactor’s name, who pays for the bills. An intriguing bit of pandemonium. He is not even very handsome, but I enjoy the game.

Okay, that’s the end of this ramble. I am going to make myself something to eat and get ready to watch the news.

Ciao…

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Potverdikkemie.

Poor Überhund had his teeth cleaned yesterday and in the process it was found out that he had an infection in one of his top incisors. A a matter of fact, the vet showed me where there was puss coming out of his gums, so he must have been suffering with this for a while.  So the option was to cut away the gum there or to pull the tooth and I told him to go ahead and pull the tooth. That seemed to me the most straight forward thing to do.

I stayed with the Überhund while we waited for the anesthetic to start working and he literally was standing up one moment and was toppled over the next. He was very floppy after that and the vet could do anything with him at all.

When I came to pick him up in the evening with my sister and the car, he was still very drowsy and almost incapable of walking. At home he sort of tottered to wherever I was sitting, so I tried not to move too many times and ended up taking a nap on the sofa. When I woke up at 10 PM, he was standing there, looking at me quite expectantly, as if to say, “I have to go out now, are you going to take me?” After that, he ate a whole bowl of food and maybe that bad tooth was the reason why he had not been eating so well lately.

All’s well that ends well.

I had ergo therapy in the morning and we had to sit around a very large sheet of paper and keep moving up one place and with each of us, in a different color paint, had to take turns being the manipulator or the manipulated. We could not talk and everything took place in great silence. After two turns, the sheet of paper was changed to a new one until we al had a turn with each person in the group. There was a discussion afterwards about how we interpret what manipulation is and how we do it and if it is always a bad thing.

It turns out that, when I am on my guard, I am a good manipulator and I am not easily manipulated. The person who is the best manipulator in the group, had the hardest time with me, because, while I was manipulating her, she was trying to manipulate me and it didn’t work.

You see how these exercises can be so very educational to a person and really give you a lot of insight into your own psyche.

Social Services is asking me to send in forms, in a rather mildly threatening manner, that I have sent them twice already and that I will now be sending them for the third time. Am I happy about this? I think not. That’s all I’ll say about it for now.

I did, what I hope was, a week’s worth of grocery shopping yesterday. My bike was so loaded with groceries that it is amazing that I made it home in one piece. I did almost get run over by a bus, but he was going slowly, so major injuries were avoided. I just made a little detour to the sidewalk. Actually, I don’t think they’re going to all last for a whole week, but I hope they’ll last past the weekend.

It seemed as though I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off yesterday, but it was all very carefully orchestrated pandemonium. None of the housework got done, but numerous other things did, I just seem to have no recall of most of them. I was running here and there and forgetting to do this and that and then remembering things at the last minute. My shopping list was very good, I know that. I only forgot the sliced sausage for the Überhund.

When you’re gone all morning until almost 1 PM, there is a lot of catching up to do, so I know I would hate to have a fultime job, or I would have to get organized much better and cut out the navel staring times. The umbelical contemplation. Woe is me.

I waste time, though. I know I do. I could become much more efficient and move around the apartment at a much quicker speed and get more done, more quickly. That is just not my style, though. I am not a race horse, I am more like a Belgian draught horse. I am slower but steady. If I go too fast, I become inefficient.

Well, that’s all I have to say, really. It’s not much, but I’m not very inspired. It’s too early in the morning for it. I need numerous cups of coffee still and my medicines and a good walk with the Überhund.

Ciao…

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Wowser!

I am completely discombobulated for no really obvious reason on its own, but just as a combination of small ingredients that all have added up to what has been my perfect rush by day that has not ended yet. Somehow I have to get back to earth and calm my brain down and be a mellow woman who is soothed back into a quiet place.

I guess the thing that really disturbed me the most today is, that my sister told me that my niece’s English teacher is an ‘America basher’ and a ‘conspiracy theorist’ and he is taking the opportunity to tell his students all the familiar theories about there not really having been any men on the moon, and that the government was behind 9/11 and placed dynamite in the World Trade Center towers and that there are UFO’s in Area 49. Basically he is starting them down the path of everything conspiracy theorists believe in and we think this is just the beginning.The children have to make their homework about these subjects.

My sister and I are outraged about this and are planning a course of action, which involves going to the head of the school to make an official complaint and stating that the man is unqualified to teach impressionable teenagers. None of the other parents seem to see the danger and some of the children are already becoming persuaded by his arguments.

If I were a dragon, I would be spewing fire from my nostrils just now. His partner teaches English at that school also and tells the kids that American English is just a bastardized form of proper English, which the children learn to speak, they speak Oxford English and American English is frowned upon quite heavily.

I do not like people like this and think they are dangerous to have around children. That’s all I’ll say about it. Bah humbug!

This morning I went to my creative therapy class and managed to finish my collages. Some of them took as many as 7 color washes before I was happy with them. I got the hang of it after a while, getting the right thinness of paint, getting it almost opaque. I am quite pleased with the outcome and now that I sort of know what I am doing, I am ready for the next project, which will probably be a painting, but maybe a mixed media collage. I have to think about it long and hard. I’ll have to put my thinking cap on. I like the effect of the scraped away images and people commented on them the most, besides the text, of course.

My sister kept complaining that the Überhund smelled bad, so today we took him to the doggy trimster where he got a cut and a bath and he looks splendid, but when we got him back in the car, my sister said that he still smelled bad and I thought that it could only be his breath then, but he had his teeth cleaned in March. I don’t smell it, of course, because I am around him all the time. So, this evening I took him to the vet and the vet had a look at his teeth and said there was enough plaque build up there for a year, therefor his bad breath. He figures it was because of his old dog food that was too soft for him to eat, and I very proudly told him that I just switched brands and that this kind should be better. It’s harder to chew.

So, on Wednesday at 2 PM the Überhund is going in to have his teeth cleaned again. I also got him another 2 months worth of pills for his osteoarthritis which is helping him so much.

In between everything, I tried to bring some order to the apartment, but I did not get a lot done. I had palnned to buy a new shower curtain, but couldn’t find one quick enough when I was at the department store the other day, so I decided to wash the one I had in the washing machine and much to my amazement, it came out looking brand spanking new, so that problem is solved. The bathroom is tiled halfway up allaround and to the top where the shower is and I need to scrub the tiles really well, so that’s another job waiting for me. I do love it so much.

I have decided to be brave and weed the flower beds and in between the tiles to make the patio a little bit more attractive and to cut back the jasmine which is taking over everything. I’ll make some room for that strange bush that is growing there. My sister is convinced that I can make it an attractive place to sit and commune with nature. We’ll see.

The Überhund is giving me those looks again of, “I want you to take me out now,” So I suppose that’s wat I’ll do now. Did I tell you that I sort have my eye on our vet in a very innocent way. I think he is married, but I always make sure I look good when I go there. I like to flabbergast him.

Ciao…

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Full of it.

I had two pieces of toast early this morning and it is now almost 1 PM and I still feel very full, as a matter of fact, I am burping, so that gastric band is really doing its job. Usually, around this time, I would have been eating again, but I don’t feel like it yet. Even the vitamin pills that I took this morning made me feel full, well, they were quite a handfull. That reminds me that I have to look for Omega 3 capsules, because they are supposed to be good for whatever ails you and I do want to add them to the supplements I take. I also want to be taking those kelp tablets again as a supplement to my thyroid medication. You see, I am on a real health kick. I’ve got all my bottles neatly lined up on the kitchen windowsil, next to the Überhund’s pills, so I don’t forget to take them.

Just now, out of the blue, and anticipating some money I will get for my birthday, I ordered a new tunic on line and some ankle boots. They were both very reasonably priced, so I don’t feel all that bad, and it is my birthday and it made me happy. Happy people live longer, I’m convinced of it, so do people who look good. The better looking you are, the longer you live, it’s a theory I have that anyone can shoot holes through without any effort, I know. I need my fantasies, don’t I?

I’ve done the grocery shopping and bought the Überhund some reatively expensive dog food especially for older dogs. He had not been eating well lately and I worried about him getting all his vitamins and minerals. So, I brought this food home and put some in his dish and he ate most of it, so he seems to like it. Which is another relief, because about dog food, he is a picky eater. This stuff is called Benifull, I don’t know if any of you have ever heard of it. It is a no nonsense dog food without all the colors and shapes. The same as the food that the cats are getting now. The colors and shapes are there only for us humans, after all.

I vacuumed the kitchen and the living room and the hallway and the sofa and the chairs. I bet I have to do it again tomorrow before the Exfactor and my sister come.  I bought them each a pastry, but I got none for me. I figure I can’t eat that and I don’t need it anyway. I did buy a container of fresh juice, so that is different than the soda I usually buy. More calories too. I am trying to be very conscious about my health and what little I eat, has to be healthy. That’s why I buy the really good bread and not the factory bread and the margarine with the good start vitamins in it. It’s a bit more expensive, but then I eat so little that I can afford it.

The thing I don’t eat anymore is eggs. For some reason they don’t agree with me and i always end up upchucking them, the same with cheese, I can’t eat that either. I can eat yogurt and curd, lovely with fruit in them and then the non fat kind. I sure am lucky that I live in the dairy country, there is a infinite choice of dairy products and varieties, although there probably is all over Western Europe.

I always make a list before I go to the store and stick to it, otherwise there is too much temptation to buy other things as well, like those little containers of potato salad that I like so well, or the chocolate mousse. I must stick to the shopping list and if I want to cheat, I have to write it on the shopping list beforehand, otherwise I don’t get it. There will not be much cheating now. My stomach feels so full.

Anyway, I don’t do much impulse buying. Very rarely do I buy something that is not on the list and I very rarely let myself buy something that is advertised and that I was not plannning on buying, unless it is something I know I will use in the very near future. Like the cleansing towelettes for my face that I bought this week that were on sale. That is an exception. I am probably a rotten client for the supermarket, but I am steady. I do tend to buy products that are on sale if I was planning on buying some of that already, like dishwashing liquid. If the expensive stuff is on sale, I buy that. I don’t buy cheap items just because they are cheap, many times they are inferior and you get a bad product. Like hairspray, for instance. I bought the cheap one once and regretted it very much, because my hair was like a sticky bunch of spiderwebs.

I just took the Überhund for a walk and he was his usual scrounging street dog self again. Anything that was even remotely edible ended up in his mouth from where I can not dislodge it.  I don’t even try anymore. It is a lost battle for me, he suffers the consequences, except that he doesn’t seem to put two and two together. His instincts are lost to him. Dumb dog.

I saw the strangest woman.  She looked like a stereo typical gypsy woman and she had a small child with her. She even wore those kinds of clothes and had the skin color and the black hair done up in a lose bun and a weather beaten face. It looked like she was a character out of another time, that’s how much she stood out. I was quite startled, because you don’t see many real gypsies around here and she was so very much like one. She had a cigarette dangling from her mouth and she seems a bit uncouth as if she had a chip on her shoulder. She may have been Rumanian. They have a tough life and can’t seem to assimilate, but I can’t figure out what she was doing here. It’s a puzzlement. When I came back, she was gone. Another mystery for Miss Marple.

One streets over, they are having a block party. The street is blocked off and a big party tent has been put up. Various cables lead to the tent and I saw a big barbecue. That should be fun. You see a lot of streets organize these kinds of things. I don’t see our street doing it. We are not cohesive enough. We’re only on saying hello terms.

For some reason my spell check has stopped working and if I do want to double check a word, it gives me a Ducth option, even though I have my language settings in English. It also does this in comments on Blogger and on facebook. Something screwy going on. We are now in the Twilight Zone.

I have two scabs on my left arm that I keep pulling off, not allowing them to heal. It’s a nervous habit that I have. Every time there is a scab, I pull it off and the whole process has to start all over again. I am trying not to do it, but it almost is like an automism, I have to do it. I like pulling off scabs. This way I always look like the walking wounded and people always ask what I have done to my arm, when it is realy nothing at all. I must stop doing that.

I haven’t put my face on yet and went to the store with a bare naked face. Sometimes it is nice not to bother with your make up for awhile. I am going to check in my closet to see what I am going to wear, because what I have on now, I was wearing yesterday and I need some excitement in my life. Pick out a different necklace too. You never know which jehova witness is going to show up at the door.

I think I will go do that now and clean the bathroom. I almost can’t stand the excitement in my life. I could have gone into town today, but it is too much effort and it will be busy and I will have to walk over the heads of the tourists. Oh, those ankle boots I ordered are so cute, but I don’t get them until next week. That’s a long wait when you are impatient.

I just got a card from my oldest sister witha large gift of money in it. That will take ample care of the clothes I ordered. See how it all works out?

Have a good one.

Ciao…

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I did it!

I wrote that one letter of objection that I thought was going to be the hardest one and that I was putting off until last, but I had written it in my head quite a few times already, so when the time came to sit down and write it, it went quite easily. I sat down and wrote it in long hand first and then typed it and referred to the attachments that I had numbered and I think it all was rather comprehensive and understandable. It is very important to back up your statements with the right documentation, so I made sure I included everything I could think off. I have visited the copier in the grocery store quite a few times now this week. I have just about used up all my nickels and dimes.

It’s a relief to get it all done and now I have to wait for the various outcomes. I feel like a little person fighting the big system with every bit of arsenal I’ve got. I’ve got to try and do my best, though. If I don’t do it, I’ll forever regret it.

This morning I went and had my gastric band filled some more. I took the bus to the hospital, which takes all of 8 minutes including all the stops it makes. I like taking the bus, because there is a big bridge across the railroad tracks I would have to take if I went by bike and I’m not quite up to it. The bus is an enjoyable way to travel, because you get to people watch, which is one of my hobbies. I like it when there are little kids on the bus, because they provide some comic relief and grab everyone’s attention with their sweet little faces and their shenanigans.

Now I can eat a little less than I did before, which is good and the whole purpose of it. I just had toast and I am very full. I had cup a soup earlier and it had the same effect. I won’t be able to eat that pudding with berry sauce anymore, but that is good. That was cheating anyway. For a person who used to get such joy out of eating, this certainly is a very different life style.

On Sunday it’s my birthday. I will be 54 years old. The Exfactor and my sister are coming over in the morning for coffee and pie. The Exfactor send a card in the mail that I got today, but I’m not allowed to open it until Sunday. It’s a thick card, it feels like there is something in it. It is very hard not to open it, but I’ll be good.

My sister’s husband is moving out this Saturday. They have made arrangements for when he has the children. My sister can’t wait for him to move out, every hour that he is still there is one too many. She has finally gotten over her adoration of him and it is about time. It was not normal the way she looked up to him and the way he treated her. Now all of us sisters will be single and we will all be emancipated women, although my oldest sister is not so by choice. Still, she finds herself to be very emancipated and that is the good part. Somewhow, comng from the dysfunctional family that we did, we do all manage okay on our own and are not helpless females, even though some of us started out that way in our late teens – early twenties.

I just took the Überhund for a walk. Without me noticing it, it had rained again, just a short shower, and evrything was nice and fresh. I had to cut back the jasmine that I planted in the pot, to the part where there were new little leaves growing, so it lookes kind of puny right now, but I am full of hope. Close to our house, a weed filled piece of land was cleared and smoothed out and grass seed was sprinkled on it and now little blades of grass are popping up out of the ground. It is an amazing thing. You think nothing will come of it, but somehow it does. We are very lucky to live in a neighborhood with lots of open spaces with grass and trees, although I do notice that the clover and the dandelions take over most of the grassy areas.

It’s oh so silent here. There is hardlly a sound coming in from outside. Thank goodness that this is a quiet neighborhood. The teenagers next door get kind of rowdy sometimes, but just very briefly and not at night. The boy thinks he is quite a guitar player and he has an electric one with an amplifier  that he turns up every once in a while. He just doesn’t quite have the talent. It’s all a lot of noise and he’ll never play for Linkin Park. The girl has a good voice and is pleasant to listen to.

Well, it’s pajama time again, and toast time and TV time. Tomorrow I will sleep late, hah, watch me do it until 7 AM and that’s it.

Have a great day,

Ciao…

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Poop and dung.

When we asked our mother what we were having for dinner when we were kids, she would sometimes answer, “Poop and dung,” and the Exfactor’s mother would add to her kids, “Windowsills with noisy sauce.” Such are the strange things Dutch mothers tell their children in the Netherlands when they are tired of the same old question about what’s for dinner.

Sometimes, when I am very silly and tired and I don’t feel like answering the phone, but I must, I say those things when I answer the phone, regardless of who is on the other line. I pick up the phone and say, “Poop and dung and windowsills with noisy sauce.” So far, it has been someone I know, it has yet to be a stranger and that is not because I have call recogntion, because I don’t even look at the number without my reading glasses on. Sometimes I get hit by silliness and I don’t want to take anything seriously anymore.

I tried to take today seriously, as a matter of fact, my brain was taking things way too seriously and I revolted by doing all the opposite things that it wanted me to do. So instead of bending my frustrated head over a lot of new mail and paperwork, I vacuumed, and instead of filling out forms and gathering paperwork, i did laundry, and instead of writing a letter of objection, I went grocery shopping. I just didn’t want to deal with it today, although I know in my head exactly what I need to do.

Then I didn’t open up outlook express and I didn’t read any blogs and I didn’t go to Facebook. I just didn’t have the energy for it and after dinner, I took a nap on the sofa. I think I am temporarily overwhelmed.

When I woke up from my nap, the Überhund was laying beside me very patiently looking at my feet and my shoes, so I asked him if he wanted me to put my shoes on and he got very excited, so that meant yes. That good old dog, all he wants from me is a walk and that was just what I needed.

I had to deworm him today so he had urgent business and I read the enclosure to the package well and found out that dogs need to be dewormed every 6 months, which is something I didn’t know, because the Exfactor always took care of that. So I wrote it down in my diary and will transfer that information to the new diary that I will get in December. He thought it was great, as he thinks anything from a package is great as it all gets wrapped up in good slices of sausage. The pills for the cats are chewable, but do you think those cats will voluntarily chew those pills? No way. I don’t know what the solution is yet. A karate hold may do it with oven mitts on.

This morning at ergo therapy, three of us had to play three different roles and try to trip up two other people who had no idea of our intentions, they were only told to be on their guard. So, one of us was agressive, the other one was neutral and one was overly nice. That was I, the last one. We did it with paper and paint and we had to act out our roles in paper and paint without talking. Our body language and our manner of painting had to clue them in and their reactions were a clue to how they dealt with these different approaches. I was overly sweet and mushy and one of them handled that well and the other one got quite uncomfortable with it. It was very interesting and it was about bounderies and when you set those and how far you let people go. Can a nice person get away with things? Do you let an aggressive person walk all over you? How do you deal with a neutral, equal person?

I really learn a lot there, although with every task we are told to do, there is a huge resistance on my side to do it that I have to overcome. My first reaction is not to do it, that I can’t do it, that it is impossible for me to do. It is like a fear in myself that I have to fight. Then I go and do it perfectly and I wonder why I had all that resistance. Every time it is the same thing.

I am tired people. It is pajama time. Tomorrow will be paper work day. Face reality day.

Ciao…

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For Goodness Sake.

Well, for goodness sake, I try to log out at Facebook and then at the last minute other mesages come in that I just have to answer and before you know it another 30 minutes have gone by, especially if you have just made a new friend and you are exchanging information. I deleted three ‘friends’ so far and I may do more, but I am going to give it some time. In the meantime, I have that Dutch Hyves site where I am doing piddlydit, because I am just not that motivated, as it is not nearly as interesting.

It’s been me a day, as they say here, and I feel totally exhausted from I don’t know what. I must not have a very resillient constitution, because doing just ordinary everyday things makes my head spin after a while and I get so very weary from it. Then I eat erratically, either too much or not at all, because I forget, and then I make up for that by eating too fast, resulting in a stomachache.

The day started of well enough with the Überhund and I going for a longer walk, because we had the time and because it is enjoyable so early in the morning. I love how he looks at me at every corner to see which way we are going to go and quickly adjusts his stride to that. A short pull at the leash is all it takes. No more dragging him in the right direction.

At creative therapy I raided the cookie bin, which I always do and finished uncovering the upside down images. I was done in no time and then had to start applying the paint washes, which turned out to be more difficult than I thought they would be and I am experimenting as i go along. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. At first I got the paint to thick and it wasn’t really a wash. so I have to go over that color and alter it quiet a bit. The second color I tried worked out well and was thin enough. We use a big old hair dryer to speed up the drying process, which also produces rivulets of color. I have a skeptic attitude about this project, but it’s my first and bound not to be perfect from the start.

The woman accross from me, who makes beautiful abstracts, gave me one today that I was admiring. I did not turn her down when she asked me if I wanted it, because I wanted it very much. She uses a nifty technique to get a special effect, which I am trying to emulate. As soon as I got home, I found a store close by that sells frames and bought one and then went to the hardware store to buy double sided sticky tape to hang it up with. I don’t know if this is going to work as it just came tumbling down and I had to refasten everything a little better. This for lack of drill power and a handy man around the place.

I alo bought a package of 8 ligthers,as I always seem to be running out of those things when i most need to light a cigarette.

Then I took the dog for a long walk and let him sniff all over the place and eat foul things off the street, because it had been trash day and he always manages to find something that got spilled from a bag. Therefor I dread trash day.

After that, I got stuck on Facebook and it can be a true addiction, so i have to be careful not to get sucked into it and get too enthused. I really need to limit the amount of friends i have, although it is always tempting to add another interesting person.

Now I am sitting here so wrapped up in writing this that I am letting my coffe get cold and I do have to watch the eight o’clock news so i have to stop writing now.

It was short but sweet, you can’t always have a long diatribe from me.

Ciao, my dear devoted people, have a good one…

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Wake up, Irene!

I fell asleep on the sofa at 4 PM this afternoon and now I am semi-awake, but slightly disoriented and I keep thinking that somebody is going to come home any minute and I cringe every time I hear a motor engine or a door slam. I have just made myself a large mug of coffee and I hope that with the aid of it, I will soon return to the reality that is my life and not this half awake life in which I am only imagining things. I am sure you all know this feeling of waking up in the middle of the day and having to place yourself in the right context again and sometimes that takes awhile.

The Überhund is sound asleep at my feet. His solid presence comforts me and i realize how much he has changed and how nice and mellow he has become. He used to be such a pain in the neck and constantly want attention and beg for it by being slightly obnoxious, but he does none of that now. He is a nice and quiet dog and talks to me if there is somethings he wants or needs and I can usually figure it out. I think he was in competition with the Exfactor for the Alpha dog role and it made him insecure.

I am not sure which role I have now. When we go for a walk, I am the boss, I made sure of that, but I don’t know for sure if I’m the Alpha dog at home. I hope I am, because he does listen to me and follows me wherever I go, so I must be. When I get home, he is very happy to see me, but he always turns his butt to me to be greeted, does anyone know what that means? Is that submission? Or the opposite?

I have decided on Facebook, that as soon as a person I am ‘friends’ with keeps adding friends at a phenomenal rate and does not communicate with me, I remove them as a friend. I have gotten rid of two so called ‘friends’ that way today and I think I will be removing more. It is after all not a competition to see how many ‘friends’ a person can gather, although that seems to be the purpose for some people. I am not in it for that. I like to approach people myself and sometimes that works out, but sometimes people approach me and I take a chance. There is always the remove button, though. It’s nice to have your occasional comments reacted to. It means people care and are paying attention.

We’ve had a hot weekend, but just now it has started to rain. It is assumed that this was the last of the summer weather and that now the fall will start, although it seems to us that process has been going on already for a while. I was just about to go outside to water the potted jasmine, but now I won’t have to. It looks like it survived it’s haphazard transplant and i think I will have a really healthy plant there next year. With any luck, it will bloom this winter.

The weekend went by quickly. I didn’t actually do very much, except for vacuum and that was a real fun job, because i had changed the bag in the vacuum cleaner and then it always works extremely well. It would suck up the cats if they didn’t get out of the way. It works well on the new area rug and that is good, because I was hoping it would take care of the dog hair there and any fleas or other nasty things that decided to drop off the animals, although I think that the Überhund is flea free now. I ended up buying him Frontline, as I thought the stuff that the vet gave me wasn’t working that well, but the Frontline seems to have done the job. He is also wearing a flea collar, but I don’t have much faith in it. Vacuuming a lot does the trick.

In a way I am happy that the weekend is over. I do like the laziness of it, but tomorrow i have creative therapy and I am looking forward to that, when I finish peeling the backs of those images and start putting the paint washes on. It also means the bureaucracy starts up again and I will have to gather the paperwork on why I don’t want to pay city taxes to go with the objection I sent per Internet this weekend. Basically, because I don’t have an income and I have to show that.

I also have to make an official objection against them withholding my welfare check. It’s all a pain in the butt, but it has to be done. I have to find out where to send the paperwork.

Well, my pall the Überhund really wants to go out now, so I suppose that’s what we will do.

Have a nice end of the weekend and tell me how you deal with adversity, I would so like to know.

Ciao…

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