Well, I am suitably in the right mood to write something halfway sensible down now. It is rather late and I have been reading other people’s blogs and trying to leave witty comments and become inspired by their muses. Speaking of muses, Neda had an interesting post about them here.
I got up rather late this morning, it was six am, can you believe it? I slept from nine pm until that time this morning and I only got up once in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I just don’t know what is wrong with me. As a result, I am running behind in everything, even in the amounts of coffee I have had to drink, so I am quickly trying to catch up by fixing myself lots of cups of Senseo, which I was going to save and drink only for special occasions, like that first cup in the morning, but which I am now drinking more often than not, because I am hooked on the taste of it. Besides, I drink it because I’m worth it. I don’t know how many of you will agree with this statement, but I am completely convinced of it.
I think there are times in my life when I am self indulgent in the little things. I don’t need great big expensive things that cost huge amounts of money, but I like little treats like a good perfume to wear or a good cheese to snack on or a good cup of coffee. It’s these little things that make the day seem special and worth while. I like it especially when Eduard is the person who indulges me with them. When he is the person who comes home with the treats. It makes me feel loved and appreciated, although I never feel that I have to do anything special to deserve them. I get them for just being me and nothing more than that. Sort of for being the spoiled queen around here and Eduard is my well armored knight who goes out in the world to slay dragons and brings back trophies. I do like the way that works. Eduard would be my Saxon knight and I would be his lady in the ancient moated castle.
I suppose we may have been these people in a former life and I would like to think that Eduard and I knew each other in that capacity in the middle ages. Both of us in warm cloaks riding our trusty steeds across the moors on foggy winter mornings. Making love in an apple orchard surrounded by curious cows and buzzing bees on a summer’s day in June. Oh no, that really did happen. I am confusing my lives and my memories. I do like to think that I have always known Eduard and that I am always going to know him. All the way into eternity. He is my complementary soul.
I had an odd dream last night. I dreamed that I was with Brion and that we were staying at a big motel and that David showed up there looking for me. In my dream, I didn’t want to see him and I wanted to hide from him, so Brion and I walked to the inner part of the motel, which was like a labyrinth, until we came to a large room in which we could see all the constellations on the high ceiling. There we hid behind the furniture while David searched for us, but didn’t find us. Brion was very young and healthy and powerful and not scared of anything. I felt very safe with him. David traveled in a large car with his ex wife, whom he is living with now. He told her many lies about me and wanted to prove to her that I was as crazy as he had told her I was, but then couldn’t. He had told her the lies to cover up his own craziness, so she would stay with him and never leave him, which is what he wanted all along. I was just a pawn in that game. In my dream, I felt a real fear for him and absolutely did not want him to find me. That is the unconscious speaking, of course. It is probably close to the truth. I wonder about the constellations and if they represented the heavens where Brion is now. So much symbolism and I have to pay attention to it.
I like dreaming about Brion. I always feel very close to him when I do, as if he is very real to me and I can touch him and feel what that is like. I can feel his skin and the solidness of it. And see his beauty and he was a beautiful man. I am glad he goes on living inside of me.
Yesterday, I took two long naps on the sofa, In the morning I started watching An American Haunting, which was supposed to be a pretty scary movie, but I fell asleep after the first ten minutes and I didn’t wake up until after it was well finished and a completely different movie was playing. In the evening, after Eduard went to work, I fell asleep again and didn’t wake up until it was time to go to bed. So I just take my medicines and get the Melba Toast and a glass of milk and off I go to the bedroom, where I barely have time to eat the toast and drink the milk before I am sound asleep again. I seem to do a lot of sleeping, which must come with hibernation. I am not that physically active, yet I am feeling tired and sleepy all the time and I want to cuddle up all over the place.
On Friday, when it is my birthday, I have an appointment with the temp agency about the job/training program and I do want to be extra perky then. I wish I was more of a talker and I could sell myself better and I think I will bring the test results of my original tests that I did for the CWI. They say a lot about my abilities. I will have to dress nicely and look like a dynamic sort of person in spite of my age. Some well applied make up will help and some nice jewelry will also help a bit. Luckily, my hair has grown out a bit and I no longer look like a middle aged version of Sinnead O’Connor.
I can’t believe I am turning 53, but it doesn’t seem like such an awfully old age. It does sound very mature and it makes me feel like I have finally arrived at that age when I will be taken seriously. In my mind, I am still in my thirties and I suppose I will always stay there. I figure I have thirty good years left in me at least, and that is a long time to be alive and do all sorts of things yet. Life isn’t nearly over yet. God only knows what it holds in store for me yet, what is around the corner and what challenges I face still. As long as I get to have Eduard by my side, I am willing to face up to a lot.
Mostly I hope for sort of a dull roar with the occasional burst of excitement. It doesn’t have to be anything earth shattering. I think this blogging world is quite exciting and making the mandalas is and winning the poetry contest is (see below). Getting a job will add a lot of fun to the equation, not to speak of the financial reward. I certainly enjoy making these new virtual friends. It is just as good as making real life friends, if not better.
Well, I suppose I better get the day started now by cleaning up the kitchen and dragging out the vacuum cleaner. There are some drifts of dog hair again and the sofa needs to be vacuumed. Oh joy! My Oxazepam makes me feel so good, that I almost don’t want to interrupt my good mood with doing those mundane things. Well, I look at it this way, as long as by Friday the apartment i
s clean, then all will be well with the world. I will have done my duty.
Have a terrific day, people. Hope you get sunshine where you need it and rain where you need that. Ciao…
P.S. I had claimed in an earlier post that Eduard is 57. He is not, he is 56 and three and a half years older than I am. When we were dating as teenagers, this was not really a problem, as Eduard was a bit of a late bloomer, but he was an incredibly sweet young man who never took advantage of the fact that he was older than I was. We were both very much of the romantic kind and liked classical music and long walks in the woods and summer afternoons in the fields. We drank rosé and had philosophical discussions. As far as I was capable of having those with my young mind anyway. At the time, we were too young to appreciate each other’s uniqueness, but it is much better now that we have lived a lot and bring all of that experience to the relationship.
We have developed separate from each other, but have both developed a healthy dose of deadly humor and just the right amount of cynicism. We both turned out to be good people and Eduard was just as I had left him, a very decent and sweet human being, albeit a little disappointed with life. Hopefully he has gotten over that by now, as I have.
P.P.S. I have discovered another blog. It is called Wife in the North and you can find it here. She is quite funny and very English.
Irene, I wish I had time to comment more this morning, especially about your dream which I loved the way the heavens were on the ceiling of the room you hid in. So nice to dream about a loved one and bring them back to you for a few short moments.
But…I must take Conagher, the cat, to the vet for surgery this a.m. and I should be dressing already. Enjoy your day!
Well Bobbie, I hope that Conagher the cat is okay and that the surgery wasn’t for anything serious. Let us know what happens with him, please.
We can discuss my dream some other time. Ciao…
Happy early birthday! Beautiful designs at the top of this post…and I’m off to check out that blog you like!
Hi Sophia’s Mom. Thank you for visiting my blog. How did you get here? I will come and visit you too. Thanks for the early birthday wishes!
Orange is my favorite color in the world, so these are especially fabulous for me.
I hope you’re planning something fun for your birthday besides an interview.
Yes, I am having people over in the evening and then again on the evening of the 8th, so I get to celebrate it twice.
I asbsolutely love this!!! Hannah will love it too!! She loves looking through her kaleidoscope and I see some of that in these.
Thank you for sharing!
You’re welcome! Thank you for coming by and visiting. How did you end up here? Or is that a rude question?
Have a happy birthday! Party like a rockstar! LOL
Those orange designs would look great in a Mediterranean style kitchen, you’ve already done the French style LOL
So glad you are dreaming good dreams about your son.
Best of British (that means good luck)with your appointment!
Thank you Jay, I will try to rock my little heart out!
Thank you Bev, I will need all the good luck I can use for my appointment. Mediterranean kitchen coming up! Do you want hand made Spanish tiles with that?
I know why you are called Sweet Irene. Because, well, you are!
Tot ziens!
~Sue
Well, Conagher came through his surgery just fine and is now disturbing my typing as usual. His surgery was nothing serious, he was neutered and seems to be doing really well.
Thank you for mentionning my post. I adore these orange tiles (great for Halloween!). You have such a vivid imagination and an incredible capacity to recall dreams. Wow! And didn’t you know 50 is the new 40, as they say! Happy early birthday!!
Thank you, Sue and thank you, Neda for your comments. I am glad to hear that 50 is the new 40, I already had that suspicion myself!
Bobbie, I am glad that Conagher is okay in spite of the fact that he has been neutered, poor guy, but it is for the best. They usually recover just fine from that kind of op.
Take care, you women, ciao…