It’s pretty early in the morning and I just went on the scales and I weigh 99.1 kilos and I think that if I had just slept maybe 2 hours longer, I would have weighed 2 ounces less. It’s my theory that the longer you sleep during the night, the less you weigh in the morning. Don’t ask me if that makes sense, I just believe in it. This is all I ate and drank yesterday (besides the coffee): one small glass of juice, some Melba toast, a piece of cheese, one pear, another piece of cheese and one tall glass of milk. Now don’t tell me that you gain weight from eating that small amount of food, because it just ain’t so! My other theory is that on Friday I will suddenly lose 8 ounces, like I have been doing for these past two weeks. You just wait and see. It will all happen in some miraculous, unexplainable way because it is Friday. Of course, I will first have to go into town on Thursday, that is a prerequisite, but that is easily solved. Or maybe it will all happen sooner. I am seeing my psychiatrist on Wednesday and I am going to walk into town to see him and walk back again, so maybe I will lose the extra 8 ounces by Thursday. I’ve got it all figured out, see?
I am seeing my psychiatrist, because I want to go to the Center for Work and Income and register myself as someone officially seeking a part time job and I also want to find out if they have a computer training course for people like me who are nearly over the hill, but want to re-enter the job market. I am enthused about that now, but I want to make sure that, if and when I run into a depression later on down the line, I will know what my options are when it comes to quick treatment with an increase in medication, for example. I don’t want to have started something really fun and then be struck down by a depression and have to stop doing that, because I am losing the will to get up in the morning. A depression can be so debilitating and change you from an active, optimistic person into a passive, somber, sad, inactive, wounded thing on the sofa, who doesn’t want to get dressed or out of the house. I don’t want that to happen and I want to know ahead of time if there is anything we can do to nip it in the butt when signs like that start to show up. When a depression starts to rear it’s ugly head, so to speak. The Topamax has been a real miracle medicine for me and I need to know if the dose of that can be raised if need be, or if that would be appropriate even. I just don’t want to start something and have to drop out and fail at it. So on Wednesday, I will be discussing that with my psychiatrist.
Yesterday, I wasted most of the morning trying to add statistics to my weblog. It should have been easy to do, but at the beginning, I made a mistake, which I didn’t find out about until much later, and in the process of trying to add the statistics I screwed some things up. It took me some time to unscrew things, and resulted, amongst other things, in me changing the layout of my weblog, which I turned out to be happy with. So that was good. Anyway, I finally realized the mistake I had made and then fixing things became much easier and all was quickly remedied, and now I have statistics about how many people visit this blog. That means that I can’t just go and reread my own blog whenever I feel like it, because I think it counts my own visits also. That would up the tally artificially a bit. Yesterday, 11 people visited, without my own visits, so that was nice of you 11 people to come by and read me. I sure do appreciate it! I am glad that, nowadays, programs are written so that even semi computer literate people like me can figure things out and make us look quite professional. I had thought of starting a weblog some time earlier, so for me, Blogger came along right at the right time. I was really ready for it then. If I had found out about it sooner, a lot of drivel would have been written, because I wasn’t feeling all that well, and how interesting can you be in a depressed state of mind? I hope that, when my next depression hits, I will have lots of black humor and sarcasm to help me keep this blog alive.
Yesterday, at noon time, when I was walking the dog past the construction site on the field, I heard one of the workers there shout very loudly: “Non de Zjuu, Non de Zjuu“. This comes from the French, Nom de Dieu, and means In the Name of God. Apparently, something had gone drastically wrong and he was letting everybody know about it. I had to smile about it secretly, because it was such an elegant way of swearing and he could have done a lot worse. I really like this Non de Zjuu and thought how I might try and use it myself the next time something went wrong. Of course, you could change it completely and say things like: Nom de Notre Dame or Nom de St. Tropez or Nom de Picadilly, but Non de Zjuu is a definite keeper. I don’t like swearing that much and at the most I say the Dutch equivalent of darn it, or in real serious cases, damn it. I don’t like it when people swear explicitly and take God’s name in vain, so to speak. When my mother fought with my father, she was always winning, because she was verbally gifted and my father was not. As a result he would become very frustrated and then would swear explicitly as if it came from the bottom of his feet, with his deep rumbly voice, and really repeatedly damn God. Since then, hearing someone swear like that puts the fear of a
little child into my heart, and it will really turn me off that person forever. But I think that saying Non de Zjuu could be appropriate under all sorts of circumstances, even while making love. I wish my father had said it.
At one point in history, it was fashionable in the higher circles to converse only in French and, as a result, quite a few French words have been adopted into the Dutch language, such as cadeau for a gift, trottoir for sidewalk, bureau for desk, coiffeur for hairdresser. I think that speaking French all started with Napoleon conquering the Netherlands, but I am not sure. I would have to ask Eduard about that. He is usually better informed about those things than I am. I wouldn’t know another word for desk except bureau, although there is a Dutch word for cadeau, but it is not used that often.
Speaking of hairdressers, when I was about four or five, I went with my mother when she had her hair done, and being bored like a small child is, I started to run and slide up and down the shop. At one point, I slid too far and went through the frosted display window that separated the shop from the big window outside. It was sort of a half window to protect the privacy of the clients, and in front of it, different products were displayed. I wasn’t hurt, but imagine my mother’s horror at her accident prone child pulling another stunt like that! She must have told me not to do it and I must not have been listening to her. Imagine that, me being disobedient! I wish I could go back in time and see myself as that little girl, to find out what I was really like then, before I had my originality scared out of me. I am thinking that, at that time, I must still have been spontaneous and gregarious. I really, really would like to meet that little girl. Do you think that when we die, we suddenly know all of who we used to be all our lives long? That we can see our whole life and come to some sort of understanding? I hope so.
Eduard came home early at noon time yesterday, but then he had to leave again at 3:15, because he had a film to show at 4 pm and had to get things ready for that. He didn’t come home for dinner after that, because he wouldn’t have had the time, but I really missed him. I am so used to seeing him at certain times of the day, that I am spoiled now. I like having our afternoons together and he usually leaves at 6:30 pm after dinner and after the news. Sometimes he misses half of the news because he dozes in his chair and I have to watch the clock to make sure he wakes up in time.
I just thought of something. I think that if you read all of the posts in this blog with a southern United States accent, then that would be the right voice to read these in. Try it and you will see that it is just right. I do that with books sometimes, I read them in the accent of the place that the story is taking place in, or at least, I try to. Now, that means that you all should be reading this in English with a Dutch accent, but lets not do that, it wouldn’t be nearly as charming. Try it with a southern accent and it will flow like melted butter in your mouth. Maybe I should leave that instruction somewhere at the top of this weblog, something like: Warning, to be read with a southern accent only!
On another note, my sister is always having the worst luck with her appliances and other electric thingamabobs. She is constantly losing her Internet connection and is forever calling the help desk, getting no help at all. Then she loses her telephone connection and has to use her mobile phone to call that help desk with no result. Then the digital box on the TV goes out and she has to call the help desk for that. This all happens in the same week and repeatedly. She has already had a man out to fix the Internet connection and a man out to fix the TV connection. Now she has a short in her built in cappuccino/coffee maker and the man from Miele is having to come out and fix the problem and go ahead and try to get an appointment with them. A few days ago, she turned the light on in the bathroom and the whole ceiling lamp shattered. Luckily, she wasn’t hurt. Her CD player just stopped working, and, of course, her sewing machine doesn’t work. The decorative door to her new dishwasher cracked and is being repainted. She does have the worst luck. She said to me that it is no fun to own a big house with all the conveniences that all break down and that she would rather live in a simple little apartment like us. I truly believe that at the time she meant it. Eduard and I do have a relatively simple life compared to her and we like to keep it that way. She wanted me to come and stay at her house today, while she was at the dentist, to wait for the Miele man, but I can’t because I’ll be waiting for the Wehkamp man myself, so she will have to make other arrangements. I have done her this favor in the past though, because Erica’s life is always full of things to do and places to run to.
Speaking of motorcycles, or weren’t we? I told Eduard, that when I have lost all the weight, I am going to buy a mean looking motorcycle jacket just like his, in black leather with zips and snaps and ride on the back of the motorcycle with him. I’ll also have to get a new helmet, because mine is old and a little beat up. Then we would make quite a pair, the old couple on the bike! I just want an excuse to have such a really mean looking jacket, it is a secret wish and if I bought one without being on a motorcycle, it would just look very common, and I can’t have that. I want the leather to squeak when I move around and lift and turn my arms. Regardless of the motorcycle, I also want a pair of really good boots. Maybe some cowboy style boots, they seems to be somewhat fashionable and they sure would make me feel like a tough broad, so maybe I’ll get those. I’ve got to develop a style, you see. Something that is unique to me and a bit Californian. Sort of a classy, hippie style, tough looking broad, with short hair and good boots. Right!
The dog just came out to say hello, but it is still early and there is only one cat visible. I do like getting up so early in the morning and having this time to write my blog. I really take my time doing it and drink numerous cups of coffee and smoke numerous amounts of cigarettes, just like a real writer! Yup. I used to first read the BBC news, but lately I have been going to this blog first. It is such an enjoyable way to get my brain started and I can be as slow about it as I want to. I used to also read The New York Times online and The Guardian, but now I rarely do, unless I really want to follow a specific story and get all the angles on it. I also used to read Counterpoint and Alternet, but I don’t take the time for it anymore, although they had interesting artic
les to read. I don’t read Dutch newspapers online, because we get one live and I am more interested in the international news. The national news I follow more on the nightly news on the TV and on the more in depth program after that. So that is about an hour of news plus the more expanded news at 8 o’clock while I make cigarettes. Oh, I am such a creature of habit. I am still falling asleep with my book with only a few pages read. If I fall asleep on my side, I hardly read at all and I am gone out like a light in no time. I am not reading during the day at the moment. I started reading the book about the highly sensitive people, but I’ve only finished one chapter, so apparently it is not capturing my attention very much. Very often, I am still reading the Saturday supplements of the paper on Monday. And we normally have three papers on Saturday, so that takes a while. I don’t read the local paper, but Eduard does. I let him keep up to date on that, he’ll tell me if there is any earth shattering news.
Today it isn’t going to rain until this evening, so I’ll be staying dry when I walk the dog. But it isn’t going to be warm out and the weather is coming to us from the west, from the Atlantic Ocean, courtesy of Great Britain. If it would just be about 22 or 24 degrees Celsius, I would be so happy. Those to me are the perfect temperatures. I have thought about what I am wearing today, so all I have to do is take a shower and wash my hair and get dressed and put on my face and I’ll be ready to face the world. Of course, it would be nice if something exciting would happen today. More than just the fact that Wehkamp is delivering my new pair of pants. I am so curious if they will fit me or if they will still be too tight. What a challenge that will be. My first tunic that I ordered, has a drawstring around the hips, and I tightened that yesterday. I am already checking to see if I can make any adjustments to make it smaller if I need to. It would be a shame not to be able to wear it shortly. I think there are some things I can do and I will have to do them all by hand because of the sewing machine situation, but that’s no big deal.
Well, I am going to read some news now and then do my normal morning rituals which you know all about by now. I”l be back with an update if there is one. So ciao for now…
I have walked the dog and taken my medicines and piddled around and it is getting later and later. Eduard has gone to work and now I can’t take a shower. You see, we have a shower curtain and when I take a shower when I am home alone, I always have to think of that movie Psycho, so I don’t. I have an overactive imagination. I never watch a scary movie by myself, because then I imagine all sorts of things behind the furniture and in the shadows and under the bed. Although, when I lived by myself, I don’t remember being preoccupied with things like that, because I was alone a lot then and I did take showers with a shower curtain in the bathtub. Mmm, that is strange. Maybe I am more brave by myself.
The dog and I walked the field, but we didn’t see one other dog, I think we were a little too late for that. It is still cold out there and I wore my old sweater and my jeans jacket. I still have to get dressed properly, although it is tempting to just hang out in these old clothes. But no, it is not allowed. No Irene! Don’t do it! Get dressed! Oh, okay…ciao…
Another Bright Day! 