Today I weigh 97.9 kilos. It’s good to get below 98 kilos, but I am going in tiny increments of one ounce a day. I suppose I shouldn’t complain about that, at least I am going down and that is something. Yesterday I had one half of a small honeydew melon, one small cookie, one pear, one piece of cheese, some Melba toast, some more Melba toast and one tall glass of milk. That was more than enough to satisfy me, although I do keep thinking about that salmon and how nice it was to eat that and how satisfying that was. I may want to repeat the experience. I have decided to keep eating the cheese, because it is also very satisfying to eat and something I really look forward to. There is no sense in depriving myself of good things to eat, because of some vague idea that it is keeping me from losing weight. I can’t start having all sorts of magical ideas about food and it’s not like I am eating bonbons, for goodness sake!
Yesterday I had a nice and easy start to the day. I took my time getting dressed and then very leisurely walked to the bus stop. It was a beautiful day outside, the sun was shining and the sky was blue. I had even considered taking my umbrella, because of the rain that had been predicted, but forgot to at the last minute, and a good thing too, because I would have looked ridiculous with it. The bus dropped me off at the bus stop in front of the SNS bank where I was to meet Lucien and after a couple of minutes wait, her bus came and there she was. It was wonderful to see her again and we figured out that it was about four years since we had seen each other.
Well, we spent hours walking around the open air market and around town and sitting on terraces of cafe’s and we shopped and shopped and talked and talked and we sounded like two chickens in a hen house, that’s how much catching up we had to do. No really, seriously, we did talk a lot and we had really good talks about many things, but especially about the bipolar disorder which we both have, so we could exchange lots of information about that. Lucien is very easy to talk to and we both asked lots of questions and both did a lot of listening. It is so much easier to have a relationship with someone when you are feeling well. Our disorder seems to behave in the same way for the both of us, with the depressions causing us the most problems and them being long and hard. We both like being hypo-manic, but we both realize that it can be just a bit of a pain for those around us. She also tried the Topamax and it worked well for her, but she got very dizzy on it and it resulted in her falling down, causing her to break her arm and her ankle, which is not good at all, of course. So she had to stop using it, which is really a shame, especially since she could see now how much it had helped me.
Lucien did most of the shopping, because she is going on another holiday to Spain and she needed some sunny clothes for that. I helped her shop and we found some nice things. We picked up my repaired handbag at V&D and it looks like they did a really good job on it, it looks like the strips of leather will really hold, so lets hope for the best. I bought a pair of 3/4 length pants at the open air market for 9 Euros and some earrings for 5 Euros, so I didn’t spend a lot of money, which I really feel good about. The pants fit, and will fit me for a while, even when I lose some more weight. The earrings are nice and make a tinkling sound when I move my head and I always like that, and they match the necklace that I wear the most.
I like sitting on the terraces having coffee and watching the people go by. I could do that all day long. Shopping and talking and sitting on terraces, what a way to spend the day! The coffee is always so good, no matter which café you stop at. At one café I even got whipped cream in a separate little glass. But at one point the fun had to end and Lucien had to take the bus back home, so we said our reluctant goodbyes and I went off to go pray at a church, before I caught the bus home.
I didn’t go to the basilica, because it was too much of a walk from where I was and I could feel a blister forming under my foot, so I went to the other church instead that’s on the big square, which is also very nice and imposing and very old. It dates from 550 AD. It is actually also called a basilica, but I will call it a church to avoid confusion. I couldn’t find the entrance at first, just a lot of large shut tight doors, and walked all the way around it, which was a bit of a pain with my foot and it is a very large building, but then I did and there was a side chapel where you could light candles and say prayers. The chapel was not nearly as nice as the Mary chapel at the basilica and the atmosphere was different, less magical, but I lighted the candles and had my talk with God and I think it was good and I believe in it so much. But I think I like the Mary chapel the best, because you can light tall candles there and the statue of Mary all dressed up in the whole little arranged scene is attractive. It does do something to me. I am one for the magic of it all and the ritual. I just can’t become a catholic and believe what the pope is telling me. But I like their churches. Although I may also find God in a synagogue or a mosque. Who knows? In a cathedral like forest with tall trees?
I finally made it home, where Eduard was waiting patiently for me. He was happy to see me and had actually tried to call me, but I had left my mobile phone at home, so that didn’t work. I very happily sat down on the sofa and took of my sandals and looked at the bottom of my foot which was very red and very sore. Then I put on my orthopedic slippers and that made quite a difference in walking around.
By the time I was home, I was a bit hyper, and I felt like someone was jubilant behind my eyes and that someone was being very busy in my head. No doubt from all the business and impressions in town. I tried to slow everything down by being very peaceful, but didn’t until I took my medicine at night, one of which is an Oxazepam that calms me down to go to sleep, and that helped. I slept long and hard until 6:30 this morning, but I have to admit that the reason I sleep so well is because I take the Oxazepam, I would not nearly sleep as well without it. I have tried to do that in the past and it doesn’t work. I stay up half the night, or I wake up in the wee hours of the morning. I still do as it is sometimes. But this pill pretty much knocks me out.
It’s so nice to have had a busy day and to be able to tell Eduard all sorts of stories about it. It’s all about observation and memory. Everything can be interesting and worth remembering.
When I leave the house and I go into the world, everything takes on a dreamlike quality, or it feels like I am in a dream or a movie and everything is just a little bit different than real life. I experience it differently than my life at home and close to home. I don’t know exactly how to explain this, but it is a bit unreal and it doesn’t become real until I come home and I can talk about it. Writing this down is good also. I wonder about myself out in that world, because I am so overconfident in i
t, so very much as if I own the world and am not afraid of anything in it. As if I have the starring role. Eduard made a very interesting observation about me yesterday. He said that I do a lot of mythologizing about myself. I think he is right and that I do, but I think that is how I function in the world. I see myself as some sort of important hero or a tragic major player.
Anyway, I feel okay this morning. The jubilant person is still there, but a lot more quiet. I need to have a calm day, and today I am only planning on doing the household chores and walking the dog. So those are just ordinary every day things, which is good. Of course, I feel like doing extra ordinary things, but I have no excuse to. Tomorrow I may have to go into town again. I signed myself up via the Internet at the Center of Work and Income officially, but it said that you also have to come in person. I have to call about that, because I have already been there once and I don’t think I need to go, because I do not need unemployment benefits. Of course, any excuse to go into town, right? No, not really, we’ll see.
After this week, Eduard has to work one more week and it will be his vacation. Yippee! It will be so nice to have him home and it will feel like it is my vacation also. Last year, he did a lot of painting in the apartment, but no such thing has to happen now, if you don’t count the baseboards, which I won’t. He is planning some trips by motorcycle, which I won’t go on yet, but we will also make bike trips and go places by car.
It’s so loud out in the street, will they never get done? Every day there are big trucks hauling in stones and sand. I still have to walk the dog and Eduard is already gone to work. Something tells me that I really need to get going, but the coffee tastes so good and I don’t quite feel like it yet.
I talked to my daughter again yesterday. She is one of my favorite people to talk to. She always has so much to tell! And I sure do like it when the news is good. Makes me feel like things are working. She’s such a peach! If only she knew how much!
Oh, by the way, Eduard didn’t have to work last night, so we watched that new series in dialect with subtitles together. It is really a soap, but it is wonderful. The funny part was, that we both started speaking dialect as a result of it all evening. We couldn’t help ourselves! I wish you could have heard us. Eduard’s dialect is very close to that of mine, so we sounded pretty good. I am going to watch it again tonight, but Eduard has to work. That’s really a shame, because it is really fun to listen to.
Okay, now I am really going to walk the dog, I have dawdled enough. I will add to this if there is any cause, but I am saying goodbye now, so ciao people…talk at you later…
P.S. I put on my new pants and a tank top and said to myself, okay, that’s good enough for today. It is again beautiful weather outside and I really wanted to stay out there longer, but I need to get going here, because yesterday I didn’t do anything and it shows. I may just add my new earrings to this new outfit, mmm…
Another Bright Day! 